Feeling lost

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I'm just feeling extremely lost today. I haven't been diagnosed with AS yet, but I think I may have it. Last night my husband (non-AS) wrote me this long email about how he just wants me to release my feelings and let him in. He says he thinks I have spent my life adapting to everyone and that I just don't know how to do it. That I just need to trust him and let it all go.

Sounds great in theory...right? I just have no idea how to do this. I can have lengthly conversations in my head, but getting those thoughts out is like trying to bust thru a concrete wall. Not to mention when I'm faced with the actual time to do it - I freeze up, all thoughts go out of my head and I just go quiet.

I'm frustrated. I am trying to get someone who knows about adult AS in women to talk to me - but that seems to be a terribly hard thing to do. We saw a psycologist last week. I was shocked when he took out an old clinical book (probably from the early 90's ) and asked me about 8 questions - then said he was 95% sure I didn't have it - even though I did score on some of the points. Basically because I didn't make funny faces at him or because I don't have an inkling to take apart radios or fans - then I'm not AS. Frustrating!

I feel like I'm trying to pull something out of myself that I just don't have. I can almost feel my brain working overtime to try to figure out what my husband wants from me and how to give that to him.

Any suggestions / thoughts would be great!

The same thing happened to me the first time I asked a psychologist about Asperger's, but the second person I spoke with was qualified to give me a battery of neuro-psych tests and said I had "pronounced" Asperger's traits. She believed it was just that I'd learned to compensate so well over the years that I'd thrown the other psychologist off. It can take a very trained eye to diagnose adults, especially women, so I think you may have to do a lot of research and maybe be willing to travel a bit, if you want/need a formal diagnosis.

As far as "letting your husband in" and all of that stuff goes, I think what he's asking of you sounds like it will be a lot harder than he realizes at this time. I wonder if a good first step would be just to try to get introspective through journaling or whatever works for you in order to get a handle on your feelings on all of this. Then, you might be in a better position to articulate what's going on inside you. Good luck!

I know my reply is late. If you are still wondering, can you write him a letter back? There is a lot of me I can only share in writing it seems like. Otherwise I freeze up like you said. For me even in writing, it is hard. Maybe with someone established, like your husband.

I agree...with both previous posts

get to someone qualified to diagnose AS in adults and who is current. Go to the parents section they have a wealth of knowlege of resourses.
If you are in the Southeast US, or willing to travel, Emory University in Atlanta, Ga has a cutting edge autism clinic for both children and adults.

http://www.psychiatry.emory.edu/PROGRAMS/autism/

They also have diagnostic services as well as other programs for adults.

Jojo