Women, Aspergers and Sex Drive

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I find that a little amusing.

Being scared of someone else’s sex drive is hard enough for me to imagine (unless it’s a menacing guy wanting to rape my rear end). I have a very faint idea about how it may be a nasty thing for women, but what happens when it’s the other way around, i.e. you’re a man and a woman just can’t get enough sex out of you? Does she wrap both her arms and legs around you, squeezing you tightly against her, so as to maximize your contact surface, and kisses you frantically? Even if you’re already exhausted and no longer get an erection, I can’t picture it other than still being very pleasant. More pleasant than anything else your body could come in contact with anyway. And there should still be quite a few ways to satisfy her—after all, they say hot coffee cuts a man’s sexual power by two thirds

So what does really happen? Perhaps this isn’t enough, no matter how much you do to please her, even if you really want to, so she is disappointed and ditches you?

I think my boyfriend is scared because he is very touch aversive and nothing I've done has aroused him yet. The first time I kissed him, he jumped back three feet and ran away! We have been together a little over a year and we are still working on things like holding hands. No sign of us doing anything remotely resembling sexual activity anytime soon.
Meanwhile, I have had to invest in a few new "toys" so I don't get frustrated enough to jump him before he's ready or spontaneously orgasm on the rare occasion when he puts his arm around me

He is reeeeeally dang attractive which doesn't help me at all!

My two cents:

I have never been comfortable with sex. I avoided even having a boyfriend until I was in college, and when my now-husband and I were first intimate, I blacked out...twice. He was on the verge of calling an ambulance...

Fifteen years later, I have never gotten to the point that I really enjoy sex, and most times it is painful and panic-inducing. I don't like being kissed repeatedly; it feels like I am being smothered. If I am touched too lightly, my muscles tense violently; if the touch is even a little too firm, I feel as if I have been punched. Sometimes, if my husband tries to kiss me or embrace me, my immediate gut reaction is to push him away, or even strangle him, and I have to consciously remind myself that I love and trust him. And if we manage to have sex, I have to run for the shower afterward, or I will spend the next two days feeling tense and bruised, like I was hit by a truck.

Sex counselors and psychiatrists don't seem to get this. They recommend everything from pills, to a glass of wine, to more foreplay (which makes things worse)... at this point, we haven't even tried to be intimate in nearly a year, because my husband doesn't want to do anything that might hurt me.

Does anyone else have experience overcoming this type of aversion?

BTW, one of the earlier posts was correct, reproduction is not a necessary goal for every individual organism for evolution to be effective. Many species exhibit altruism--in environments which have limited resources, some offspring may stay with their parents rather than starting families of their own. They help to raise their younger siblings, and this increases the survival rate of those siblings. Since the siblings share so many genes in common, it is almost as effective a system for perpetuating those genes as if the older sibling had actively reproduced, and the competition for resources is simultaneously reduced. (Sorry, Biology Geek here--pardon my digression into Realm of Special Interest)

It is proven in a book I read about asperger syndrome and sexuality that our hyper and hypo sexuality sensory problems can cause us women to have burning, stinging pains when we have sex. I brought the book because it explained my problems with sex. Either though sometimes I do want to have sex, or can does not mean I never have pain. I have ways to prevent the sexual pain I have when "doing it" with my boyfriend. i often find that when my boyfriend listens to what I need in sex, sex does not hurt as much and I can bear it easily.

Personal history nobody asked for:
Puberty (ages 9ish-12ish) -- Had a high sex drive but thought it was a mild bladder infection because none of the "birds and the bees" speeches really addressed it directly. Also thought my newly developing curves were awesome.
Internet (12 or 13) -- Discovered Internet porn full of ladies who looked like me being used like meat. Suddenly ashamed of my body, intensely misandristic, and antagonistic toward all forms of sexuality. Parents, sex ed teacher, and church did not succeed in convincing me that sex could be a good thing in some contexts. Arousal made me physically ill for a few weeks until it stopped altogether.
Fetish (ages 17ish-18 ) -- Sex drive gradually resurfaced in contexts that ran thoroughly contrary to what I wanted out of life. I know where this came from in my formative experiences, and I know other people have integrated it into healthy lives, but it was not something I could make peace with. Told my Deity I would castrate myself if He/It/Whatever didn't take it away in the imminent future.
Resolution (age 18 ) -- Found a male role model who had a healthy sex life in the context of a loving, respectful marriage. Took months to process this stunning anomaly.
Reversion (age 19-23ish) -- Suddenly woke up one morning with the same high sex drive as I had earlier in life. I was amazed at the power I had, no longer bound by a narrow set of not-so-desirable circumstances to dictate my own sexual feelings.
Correction (age 23ish onward) -- The strength of my sex drive actually got to be a nuisance. Being turned on for hours each day with no apparent cause was kind of interesting at first, especially for educational purposes, but proved an impediment to concentration. Had to get a quasi-medical solution to bring it down to a more practical level. So now I guess I've got a happy medium or somesuch. Sometimes I miss my asexual days, though, because I don't yet have a legally designated mate and wouldn't want to invest all that oxytocin in someone who could just walk away from it all. The feelings seem rather pointless without a reliable outlet. I'm not sure what to do if I never achieve that stable, safe, intimate relationship. Sometimes I'm not even sure whether it's the sex or the love I'm craving.

...So I guess my point in all of this is that I seem to be unusually susceptible to psychosomatic influences on my sexuality. Neurotypicals act like sexual desires are a fixed inborn thing, and perhaps for nearly everyone else they are, but after bouncing between extremes I'm wondering what the heck makes me so fluid.
Sorry for rambling. I hope this was still on-topic; I just realized that this thread is years old. ^_^;

Sex drive? Helllloo? Are you in here? *walks around turning over rocks and looking under them for her sex drive*

Are you looking for a hard drive or a floppy one?

I've tried every drug known to man and woman to increase my sex drive. Nothing works. I hate it. I hate Asperger's sometimes, even though it has its good parts.

I have a high drive. It can be annoying, especially when I'm single (or when my ex repeatedly 'had a headache'

Now that you mention it, a man might actually have a point when using that phrase, depending on where the ache is located

I've never had any sex drive, never any desire to have sex or experiment etc.

To be honest, I have never felt the urge to engage in sexual behaviour. I have talked at length about this with a few people and the jury is out on whether it's because I'm asexual or I'm just dating gross guys.