Women, Aspergers and Sex Drive

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I have a hiiigh sex drive, but I'm still a virgin. Frustrating

I have a selective sex drive. I have been having troubles with not wanting to have sex with my main partner. He is allowed to sleep around...and he thinks that the reason I have intimacy problems with him is because I have another partner...but actually a lot of it stems from issues I have with betrayal from his past infidelities..(sleeping around behind my back and without permission before we settled on having an open relationship)....also there are large parts of my body that I don't like having touched...particularly in certain ways...that doesn't help...It makes me sad...I wish he could find a decent other girlfriend who I could get along with...who didn't mind our mess...I wish I could have better feelings for him and not take him for granted so much.

My other partner is Very ASish and somewhat effeminate...he is sorta bi-gendered....and I feel somewhat androgynous..so a lot of role reversal happens when we are together...it is adventuresome...and I don't have the same mental hangups with him...and thus feel considerably more "driven"...Also I hardly get to see him...so the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing applies.

I´ve noticed that in my case, a continuous lack of desire for sex with someone always signified a change in the relationship, and, eventually, a breakup. It was almost as if my body had the awareness before my brain did, and was signaling me in some way. I don´t know if this is the case with you, and I don´t want to come across as being presumptuous. I just thought I´d mention it as a possibility, though.

There have definitely been changes in the relationship...But we run two businesses together, and we are good friends/creative partners....etc...so it is complicated.

Yeah but paying and having a high sex drive are different.

I'm not sure what gets guys to pay women strangers for sex. Ok...maybe I fantasized about getting it on with a random guy, but not having to pay for it. I guess it'd be something that would really blow my weak ego.

Anyway, interesting as I've always been curious why most of the clients paying for sex were guys...must be a testosterone thing which would consequently involve behavior such as risk taking. But I still don't see a very good connection between risk taking and a high sex drive. I compensate for lack of sex by watching a movie, reading an erotic book, or fantasizing....and you know...messing around with toys hehe...

I'll be honest, most of the men that have come on to me, are not what I'd exactly go to bed with. Most of the guys I seem to attract come off too agressive and I don't really take myself to be the submissive type. Yet there are parts of me that are submissive since I have a hard time initiating a relationship of some sort or being open and upfront whenever it involves intimacy.

How can one tell? And is it against any rules? If so there must be a way we can know so we don't reply to banned members... Now you got me worried.


Topic:
I have pretty much no sex drive. When I think about sex, what it actually is I feel nauseous.The only things worse would be oral or anal sex. Sexual situations in movies and books and ads that play on sex make me sick. When I read/see/ hear it I feel contempt. I don’t wanna see/read/hear it and I despise people who think with their lower body part.
I can’t stand intimacy in any form.

On very rare occasion I have sex drive and in those few instances the drive is desperately strong. It is very rare, though. And it lasts for some hours or days and then I go back to not wanting it at all for another year or so. I wouldn’t do it, though, it’s not worth the risks of disease, pregnancy, partner abuse/mistreatment, or ex killing or stalking you. I’m also over sensitive to heat and the very idea of lying under someone sweating liters isn’t a turn on. Pinned and defenseless.

Seeing/reading/hearing about sex never turns me on, even if I have the drive at the time. Nudity does nothing for me. The body is mostly gross, especially nude. Nothing can get me in the mood. I can find some guys sexy (sometimes physically with their clothes on, mostly it is something they send out regardless of body). Only the coming of drive can turn me on, seldom circumstances; and the few times they do it must be something special or extreme. (Nothing involving children or animals, don’t worry!)

The times I do want sex it’s a pure physical wish. No emotions, just the drive.

As for contraceptives: I’d never go for the pill. It can cause blood clots and it’s not worth it. Second, it only protects against pregnancy, not diseases.

Not sure where this thread has gone, i rather skimmed through most of the pages, but my sex drive is very strong. It's almost constant and a bit of a pain actually. Physically it almost feels as if I'm turned on, physically, all of the time. It's not specific and personal to my environment or the people around me, it seems entirely independent of them. Sometimes I wish I could de-sexualize myself for periods because it becomes uncomfortable. This is how I've been since a child. I started masturbating at an early age and frankly it helps.

Sex drive does not show up in the DSM-IIIr as typical for Asperger's. Tricky to measure though, sex drive. I mean, any response in a questionnaire on sexuality is impossible to verify. Don't even try to poll!

I do not have a sex drive at all. I may be physically and emotionally attracted to other women, but have no desire to have sex. the physical is more cuddle and hugging maybe kissing but that is it. the whole "masturbating thing" with me is more a sensory thing, not anything sexual. I do not have the sexual thoughts, more that it feels good, sort of like when people may rub their hair because it calms them. I am very emotionally and physically immature, so their is no sex thing going on. I do not think about another person, nor having it with another person when doing it. I just think about how comfortable I am with my body, that is all. i would never want another person, nor imagine another person touching me. It is my body, my space and I do not want it invaded. Sorry I am being graphing, i understand if this gets deleted.

That's pretty much how I feel; that it feels good like scratching an itch. But that I'd never actually do it.
I thought that sensory thing is sex drive.

My sex drive has been REALLY high as of late despite not having had sex in years.

I used to have a sex drive, that was until kids came along. Now I am to worn out to even think of sex, but that is ALL that my husband thinks of. And of course, he isn't around the kids all day. I am also on Prozac and Adderall, which cut down any sex drive that might have been there. Other than that, my bodies hormones are so messed up, that without some assistance from hormones such as birthcontrol, I wasn't able to concieve. I was off birth control for 3 years trying to concieve my second son, and then finally gave up and started takeing the birth control again, missing a few here and there, and sure enough, I get pregnant.

Sure I've noticed many people here who identify as asexual (I can't recall ever seeing anyone claim this anywhere else) but to then say "on average people with AS have a lower sex drive" seems a bit misleading to me. It doesn't account for the great discontinuity between the professed asexuals and the rest of us.

I sometimes have a very low sex drive and can go months w/o it without even noticing it, especially when I am particularily engrossed in my obsessions. Sometimes, though, I crave sex really strongly and fantasize about it all the time. I have really weird and intense sex fantasies.

I guess it must vary. I never had sex and never really had the urge to. I thought one time that maybe I would just do it because maybe that would make me normal so I tried but it didn't work. I nearly had non-consensual sex more times than I can count though because I didn't understand that if I slept in the same bed as a guy they were likely try it on... I think that maybe lack of emotional development associated with AS might have something to do with why some people think they are asexual... I don't think I'm asexual, I just don't think I've developed yet to the point that I'm ready... well, that's what I keep telling myself anyway... Sam x

I don't reckon aspie women have lower sex drives, I am probably the opposite. However, we find pleasure in many different things, not just sex. Therefore it's not always on the top of our to do lists. I don't know if i'm speaking for everyone here or not lol.