Are you better liked when people think you're male?

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A lot of people one the Internet are mean to queer and nerdy girls with mental health issues. When I don't mention that I'm female I become the loveable nerd. I can mention stuff about my dream girl without people thinking I'm attention seeking or acting plain weird around me. People just don't think queer relationships are as important.

When people think I'm a nerdy guy who's not having luck with girls I often get sympathy from other guys in the same situation. I once made the mistake of revealing I'm female and he got extremely weird. Before I told him my gender it was like a nice bro to bro chat about feeling anxious about possibly liking guys and having no luck with girls. After he found out I'm female he told me that I'm bi and should date both genders. He never told me that when he thought I was male.

I can also talk about being a nerd without having to qualify it. I don't have to know programming languages, be good in school, read comic books or play video games to be a nerd. I can just be my socially awkward and Internet addicted self. I also notice that people focus on my nerdiness more than my mental health issues when they think I'm male. If they think I'm male I'm funny, if they think I'm female it's just plain sad.

I really really want to hang out with male buddies who I can drink beers and watch movies and joke around with. But due to my feminine looks and voice it appears impossible for males to think me as their male buddy. They seem to expect romantic things in the end. I've confirmed that again from many posts on this forum more clearly. My dream of having friendship with males is possibly something that should be stuck in a dream land forever. What can I do? If I cannot make male friends IRL or online as a female, I shall try to make them online, means, when I get desperate enough, I'll join a nerds-friendly-forum where it's purpose is sharing information on certain skills, as a male user to make male friends. I'm that serious.

Just join as male or don't mention your gender at all. The good thing about the internet is that you don't have to prove your maleness if people already assume you're male.

I enjoy vintage shopping, art, cute animals and music. I also wear makeup, have a cat, color my hair and have emotions. Those things could be perceived as girly, but they're actually mostly gender neutral. In real life people notice stuff like my makeup and clothing. Since I rarely feel like talking about it online people don't know they can't judge me because of my makeup or clothing.

If I mention my life issues or interests people think I'm a nerd or hipster. They don't just think of me as a girl being a girl. They see me as a man with actual personality traits.

I think your best bet is to make friends online. I have met guys in real life that see beyond my gender and they're awesome. They're just very hard to find.

Good advice! Good thing for me is that my interests are mostly things that are considered as male's tasks such as fixing broken things, handling somewhat dangerous tools..etc. I don't enjoy girly things that much, I only do girly things because I have to deal with them on a daily basis. Why not friendship with girls? I don't know, I just cannot be friends with girls..mainly because I cannot be attracted to them. Even if I seek for a friendship, I need some attraction to last the relationship.

I hate having 'female' on my profile.
Before that setting was restored, I felt more comfortable being me.
People here spoke to me like I was a person.
It's a subtle difference, but I can feel how people are perceiving and behaving differently towards me now.
For example, no one ever called me a patronising pet name when they thought I was male.
But since I'm supposedly female, somehow it's ok.
Maybe I will abandon this account and join again as a male.

Oh..no if you'll ever be gonna do that pls PM me after rejoining saying that you are Raleigh. But I don't think you would PM me though, do you?

You would have to guess who I am.
But....I couldn't do without my Oli Avatar!
Damn.
I'll have to stay me.
(I think you liked me better when you thought I was a man - admit it!)

Yeah, I should admit that!

I'm happy I don't have any patronizing pet names so far. The one forum I do have issues is love and dating. I get horrible dating advice just because of my gender.

One person told me that I should date men because bi girls tell him it's easier to date men. I thought the advice was dumb, so I ignored it. I got the same advice on a totally unrelated thread along with more lame advice. I got angry and asked people to stop giving me advice for straight females. The guy who told me to date men pulled the age card! I've talked to bi girls, none of them told people to date guys because it's easier.

When it comes to dating I just prefer to get advice meant for guys. It just applies to me way more than any advice meant for girls. I don't give a damn about attracting men and I already know how. Just look sexy and act passive. You need to do more than that to attract girls, so I need advice on how to attract girls. The best I can find is advice for straight men.

I've looked for advice meant for lesbians, but they just tell you to flirt with girls and be yourself! They also tell you to approach girls like a girl and not a man. That doesn't work for me. It's not specific enough and by now I know being yourself is BS. It's just something they tell girls to improve their self esteem. I do agree with the part about approaching girls like a girl instead of a man. I just have no idea how to do that! I didn't really have true female friends growing up. I did have female "friends" that liked mothering me, but none of the interactions I had with them with help me with girls.

When it comes to my personality and how my life is going I know I'm unsexy to girls and even a lot of straight men. I already know how to gloss over some stuff, but I still don't know how to actually make my personality appealing to girls. I do have my looks, but a lot of girls say they care more about personality. I know for some girls that's a lie they tell to make people feel better, but it just makes me feel worse.

If you have the option not to disclose your gender, you'd better make use of that.
True story that guys are treated differently than girls. Especially on sausage fest sites.

Reddit is horrible for that. Whenever I mention im female they have a magical way of making everything about me a "female thing", if they were really female things it should be obvious to them I'm female when I don't mention my gender.

Check out the Halo effect.
I'd imagine there's a similar mechanic going on when you reveal you're a girl.
Suddenly there's a "overall impression" (or bias) property about you that puts everything you've said in a different light due to confirmation bias.

Part of the problem is that there are two kinds of nerdy men: those who are comfortable around women and those who aren't. It's the ones who aren't who tend to commiserate the most online about how they don't understand women, can't talk to women, etc. When you reveal that you are a woman then they no longer know how to talk to you, overthink it, or yeah, just get weird about it.

Trust me it's certainly not all of them. Some of the ones I play games with are married, comfortable around men and women alike, and don't treat the women differently. The ones who aren't married may or may not be good at meeting women, but they're not uncomfortable and get along with me and the other women. But they're not the types of men you'll see on Reddit saying they don't know how to talk to women and can never get a date, or posting on subs for that. Some company is more helpful than others.

Being anything other than heterosexual just adds to the confusion. A lot of people are unfamiliar or uncomfortable with that, too.

I usually have my gender online, but I get a lot of creepy messages for it. I tend to leave it so it adds context if needed, but don't answer messages from men looking to "chat".

on wp I've been pretty open about being female, so I don't know how it would be if I were not. I'm not sure how I feel about hiding my gender because I don't think I'm generally liked on this site but I also have seen so much misogyny here, if it would be easier to pretend to be a male I think I would feel just as sh***y about it. the other forum I'm a member on is an eating disorder forum and there is a lot more female positivity, so coming here was a bit shocking.

It's a shame that you all feel like this but I'm not surprised.

Seaweed, I like your posts, you seem to have an original view on life.

Heads up: Programming should be introspective or collaboratory. The only real pressure to adopt the practice should be economic. I'm a dev (for lack of a cooler term), but a solid majority of the itinerant programmers I personally know are female. Where I live they're respected as such. People know what technologists are trying to do for them, were it about who we are, nobody would know.

Most hackers loathe eleitist coders, those guys are the ones creating insular little bubbles of 'brogrammers' profiteering with iPhones while actual CS people look on aghast.

Next time you see someone at command terminal, skip the preconceptions of misogyny/wet blankitude and they'll probably answer all your questions for free, because they'll be glad someone asked. Programmers of all genders do the same thing - peace out & write code for years, because people get some really insane ideas about why we are the way we are. Speculating otherwise devalues the work of female & male coders just the same, let alone science as a whole.