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cluck
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09 Dec 2008, 3:11 pm

I have a 5 mo old son who is high-needs (if anyone is familar with Dr. Sears, and attachment parenting), he needs constant contact and to be held a good part of the day. Which is fine and I handle pretty well. He is starting to go through extreme crying and screaming in the car now, or really anytime he can't see me. I'm at my wits end with the car, I dread it. My hearing is super sensitive, any ideas on how to help it? Maybe to help him cope better in the car, or help me cope with the screaming? Mirrors used to work pretty good, but I recently switched to a convertible carseat, with no arm so I can't hang anything. I'm just hoping it's a phase.



0_equals_true
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09 Dec 2008, 4:14 pm

I'm not a parent, but he sound like he may have some sort of separation anxiety, that is more unusual in AS it may well be a learnt behaviour, as many anxiety disorders are.

It is good to be nurturing, but it a bit counter productive to do it all the time especially in an area where it is not feasible to always do it. I think the unfamiliarity of not having you in view need to be addressed.

The way I would tackle an anxiety disorder is no to try and push down the whole wall but to loosen individual bricks till it tumble under its own weight. So I'd break it down in stages try and address the unfamiliarity, without being brash.



Nan
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09 Dec 2008, 4:38 pm

cluck wrote:
I have a 5 mo old son who is high-needs (if anyone is familar with Dr. Sears, and attachment parenting), he needs constant contact and to be held a good part of the day. Which is fine and I handle pretty well. He is starting to go through extreme crying and screaming in the car now, or really anytime he can't see me. I'm at my wits end with the car, I dread it. My hearing is super sensitive, any ideas on how to help it? Maybe to help him cope better in the car, or help me cope with the screaming? Mirrors used to work pretty good, but I recently switched to a convertible carseat, with no arm so I can't hang anything. I'm just hoping it's a phase.



Oh my. Have you had him in for a checkup? Could there by something physically wrong here? Ear infection? Gas?

You say it's a new one (the car seat). Is the car seat uncomfortable? Could it be pinching him, or holding him at an angle that is uncomfortable for him? (Can you borrow someone else's car seat to try and see if it changes anything?) Could it be that he is now overstimulated by being in the car (the noise, the vibration?). I drove 1800 miles with a baby about the same age, because we absolutely had to, and it was horrific. The baby was uncomfortable in the car seat - the vibrations literally chafed up her backside, and then whenever she'd have to pee... the screams were pretty intense. But we had no choice other than to slap some diaper-rash ointment on her bum and keep driving. (Yes, I'm Aspie, too.)

It could also be a phase, I guess. I remember that there are several critical periods during which they have to deal with separation anxiety - you can mark the baby's intellectual development by their cycling in and through those phases - but I don't remember one as young as 5 months (but it's been a long time and my memory is foggy). It's something you might check on.

I held my kid almost all her waking hours for her first year. She was happiest and quietest that way. It worked out. Eventually, as she started to be mobile, she wanted to explore more and be held less. But she's always been a snugger - and now that she's grown when things are bad that part of her personality comes out in spades.

She's Aspie, as well, by the way.



cluck
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09 Dec 2008, 4:54 pm

thanks for the advice!

he has been acting normal otherwise, I've had the new carseat about a month and a half. He grew out of his infant carrier seat quickly, he's 20 lbs and 28 inchs at 5 months. so this seat (britax marathon) is one of our only options left. I'm afraid he will grow out of the rear facing limit before he reaches a year! But anyway, he has only been doing this for about 2 weeks now, before that he would just fall asleep in the car and be happy. I think he might be going through a growth spurt, that's all I can really think of. When we're out of the car I can handle it, because I can put him in a sling or a wrap and he's perfectly content just looking around and being held. In the confines of the car with him screaming, I just want to throw up sometimes. I'm actually thinking about blowing up a picture of my face and taping it to the back seat ha ha

I guess I should try some earplugs or something too

Quote:
I held my kid almost all her waking hours for her first year. She was happiest and quietest that way. It worked out.


this sounds a lot like my son, we also sleep together because it's the only way I am able to get any rest at night



Nan
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10 Dec 2008, 11:29 am

cluck wrote:
thanks for the advice!

he has been acting normal otherwise, I've had the new carseat about a month and a half. He grew out of his infant carrier seat quickly, he's 20 lbs and 28 inchs at 5 months. so this seat (britax marathon) is one of our only options left. I'm afraid he will grow out of the rear facing limit before he reaches a year! But anyway, he has only been doing this for about 2 weeks now, before that he would just fall asleep in the car and be happy. I think he might be going through a growth spurt, that's all I can really think of. When we're out of the car I can handle it, because I can put him in a sling or a wrap and he's perfectly content just looking around and being held. In the confines of the car with him screaming, I just want to throw up sometimes. I'm actually thinking about blowing up a picture of my face and taping it to the back seat ha ha

I guess I should try some earplugs or something too Just a thought - does baby respond to music? Maybe headphones for baby?

Quote:
I held my kid almost all her waking hours for her first year. She was happiest and quietest that way. It worked out.


this sounds a lot like my son, we also sleep together because it's the only way I am able to get any rest at night
Yeah, with us it would have been that way anyway, but we didn't have a big enough place for her to have a separate bed, so she did sleep with me for many years.



lionesss
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10 Dec 2008, 11:41 am

It could be a phase and I hear you about the crying. It was hell for me. Just know it will pass!


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