social phobia's impact on sexual relationships

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I am interested in hearing anyones experiences of how their social phobia has effected their sexual relationships.

I would be also interested to hear any stratagies or coping mechanisms they have come up with to enable them to have sexual relationships.

I feel that sexual relationships are probably similar to employment in that they are very difficult (if not impossible) for those with social phobia. Perhaps relationships are something we have to learn to live with out, and realise that its just not for us.

all thoughts wellcome

Well it's probably part of the reason why I don't have a sex life...or it could be the aspergers. I don't know which...

Social anxiety affects my sexual relationships in that I do not have any sexual relationships

I think it is a combination of social anxiety and Aspergers.

Oh and my unusually unattractive face

I agree that the combination of aspergers with social phobia makes it worse.

I think if someone has one but not the other they have a much better chance of things.

I think there is something so difficult about acute anxiety around people coupled with an inability to read peoples intentions or feelings that make relationships impossible.

Yeah that's what I've found when I'm trying to talk to someone.

If it was just the anxiety, then at least I'd understand what was going on - I'd just have to get over the anxiety.
And if it was just the AS, then at least I'd have a bit more confidence.

Having both is a pain in the ass, but probably very common. My social anxiety developed in high school because of my AS problems.

Like I said, I haven't had any proper relationship yet, but what I've found talking to girls online is that I get moer nervous talking to someone I'm attracted to, and especially about sex, incase I f**k it up and look like an idiot. I'm guessing that would be intensified a lot IRL. Especially with communication etc

yes I find it bad enough online but in the flesh its impossible.

there are just too may variables and issues.

I think its really hard to let someone get to know me and to let them be in my life at all. I find it impossible not to keep people at a distance or push them away.

I dont know how to get past all that to be able to make a relationship work, it just seems like to much of a struggle to be worth it.

Yeah I can imagine I would totally screw up if I ended up in a situation where I could have sex with a girl. No idea how I will be if that ever happens.

Maybe if you explain to your partner early on, that you have trouble letting people get close to you. If he's understanding then you might find that eventually you'll be more comfortable with him. I guess it just takes a lot longer for women with anxiety.

I am probably not the best person to be giving advice on this kinda thing though

But yeah I'm sure if you're with someone who understands what problems yo have, then you can make it work.

na, my boyfriend knows what a difficult emo idiot I am and is very understanding but it doesnt make it easier. Well Im sure it does make it easier, but it is not easier enough.

I cant cope with emotional closeness and someone being understanding does not give me the ability to cope. I just find it too difficult to be round people. I think Ive got even worse as the years have gone by.

I thought that having common interests and understanding and openess would be enough but unfortunately its not.

I think the only choice is to be alone, but shall keep trying for the moment.

For me it's resulted in virtually no relationships at all. i've had actual sex with only two women in 35 years, and fooled around a little with two or three more.
The biggest stumbling block for me is my almost complete inability to even tell if someone might be interested in me. Coupled with the fact that I get very anxious (and sometimes panic) in situations that deviate from my mental script I am VERY reluctant to approach anyone (such as the coworker I sorta have a crush on...sigh.) And of course, I'm now 35 and have the dating experience of a high school freshman, which only gets worse as I get older. I think I would be more willing to try approaching people if I had an emotional support net, but I bear all my emotional burdens alone.

Despite all this I do currently have a friend-with-benefits that I see occasionally. The only reason that works is because she's very direct and up-front about what she likes sexually, and she's also willing to take the lead a bit because even though we've been doing this now for a couple years I still get anxious initiating things sometimes. The thought of trying to "figure out" another woman, with my impaired social skills, scares the CRAP out of me.

Yeah, I can safely say that my social anxiety/phobia is the main reason I don't get sex or even relationships.

Or at least that's what I think. I'm told I'm pretty attractive physically yet I'm not getting any so I must be doing something wrong.

I kinda think 'friends with benefits' is the way to go. I find sex is quite easy compared to emotional intimacy, its getting close to someone emotionally that I find really scarey. I also find being in the company of someone very stressful, which does not bode well for living with someone ever.

have you had sex within a loving relationship Funaho? If so, did you find that relationship more difficult than 'friends with benefits'?

No, because I've never had a loving relationship. I've often wondered if that's why I find actual sex to in general not be significantly better than just going solo.

Friends with benefits. That gets a lot of play here. And yeah, if I had a FWB years ago, my life might have turned out differently. But, they at least were hard to come by.

I suck at relationships. And it isn't for lack of trying. Also the stress, I've driven myself into depression on more than one occasion. Yet I still wind up hurting people I care for.

So, that might be a good solution. But it isn't an easy one.

My total fear of sex is why I've never been in a relationship. If I had a girlfriend, I probably wouldn't want to do it with her at all and chances are, she wouldn't put up with that so I wouldn't bother to go through the trouble.

I'm surprised no one brought up things like the popular perception of furries, the age of consent, etc in this thread as to phobias with meeting mates due to social/legal/cultural reasons.

Social phobia > relationships.

Rejection in relationships increased social phobia.

Z