Dumb question about meltdowns

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I had a history of resisting sedation, so they gave me a double dose of whatever they give before they sedate you, it was supposed to help the sedation drugs work better. I'm, so it can't have been that bad.

That one sounds more like a panic attack to me. Those three things you mentioned are very classic panic attack symptoms.

For me, meltdowns are different than panic attacks. I don't feel panicky, that feeling is something different. The best way I can describe my "meltdowns," is that I let a bunch of things build up inside me, until I crack. Then I feel this either annoying, pestering little beast inside me or a full-fledged monster roaring up inside. I HAVE to get it out. I don't know HOW to though, that that makes me go insane. When I was younger, I made it stop by annoying my mother or, later, girlfriend so much, that they would finally crack, (getting my mom to yell at me or hit me) or, sadly, make my girlfriend cry in helplessness (because she would get so angry with me she would want to hurt me and would never, ever do it, even though I wanted her to, which is sick). Basically, I would do whatever I needed to to finally snap me out of it. I transfered, which always made me feel so horrible. After feeling bad about what I was doing to my girlfriend, I started to turn inward and to hurt myself, banging things, hitting myself, crying. Not necessarily "progress" but I do feel it was ultimately some improvement, because I can better control what I do to myself and am learning tactics of dealing with it. Like, if it is a mild one, I can usually just cry it out or go for a long drive by myself and take pictures of something pretty.

So to answer the main question, do I like it? No, I hate it. However, I like how I feel AFTER. When it is over, I have this huge release, this weight it lifted, the monster is gone. I am myself again, only even freer. I feel physically and mentally drained, but it is also sometimes some of my most contented moments. It is sad, but true. It is like I am this big trash can that gets filled with garbage over time, and only feels clean when I am emptied. Unfortunately my emptying process is rather nasty.

they never give me anything else then more ritalin after i calm and before they let me go

This is what I think when people claim that being Aspie isn't a problem - no one enjoys the meltdowns. I wouldn't think anyone enjoys sensory issues either.

Although I definately don't enjoy meltdowns, they can bring about good things as if I have a meltdown, people know something's really wrong so they need to change it. It would be better to be able to express that in words when I'm still calm rather than just making a fool of myself and being really horrible to everyone and feeling really awful during a meltdown.

People have said "I melt like butter" - What does that mean?

well..first of all what in earth u have done to get that ? first image i get for that has someting to do with sex..but then again it migth not be case

No I don't.

I say frequently that I don't enjoy them and am deliberately acting out.

People who care about me don't really know what to say or do about them.

All that excess energy, confused emotion and need to be heard has to go somewhere...


This idea of a meltdown in response to social and environmental stress would explain a lot of the difficulties I've had in the past.

I'm talking about stressors that other people wouldn't usually notice.

Well, this was at a hospital where people who work there are top in their fields, and its a children's hospital.

I haven't had a meltown for yeeaaarrrs, I guess I'm lucky that they aren't one of my prominant traits.

oh i see^^

Well, there's two sides to sensory issues. If sensory aversions are the price for 'super-senses', I don't mind paying it. For a while I was in OT and they tried to desensitize me to touch. I wasn't onboard with that at all. I like being able to feel what's happening around me.

Does anyone else think a meltdown is like punching a pillow or having a good cry, in that you feel so much better after you do it?

I like them only for the fact that they make me confront my feelings, and I feel so much better afterwards. They're horrible to have, but they're necessary once in awhile, to alleviate the tension that is going on in my life. So, yes, I agree with what Amicitia said, because, when I have a breakdown, I sob violently in addition to stimming, and the aftereffects are like those of "having a good cry."
-OddDuckNash99-

Yeah... I almost had a meltdown this morning and I made myself go for a walk instead. I did feel better after, but part of me was still having the kind of issues that can only be resolved by hitting things.

Meltdowns are meltdowns for a reason. You basically tear yourself apart and rebuild. The tearing yourself apart bit is generally not good. It's a very effective way of getting all the stress out, but beyond that I don't see how it could be enjoyable. It can often hurt or worry those around you on top of the fact it's somwhere between extremely hard and impossible to pull yourself out of, even if somwhere in the back of your mind you know you need to.

Then again, there is a first time for everything...

I LOATHE meltdowns. Mine are really ugly and angry and tear-laden... and the anger terrifies poor innocent bystanders, even though I've never physically hurt or tried to hurt anyone. They drive acquaintances who might have become friends away. They make friends never quite trust me again, always afraid I'll have another one, even if they've only seen one in the years they've known me. And I don't feel much better after them because I'm burdened by being mortified of how I acted and terrified of being socially outcast again.

Luckily, I've learned to stop it when one is coming. I haven't had one in a couple years.