Feeling guilty for trying to get what I need.

Post Reply New Topic

I have recently discovered a series of activities and things to avoid that can make me feel a lot better when I am heading towards or in a meltdown. They aren't much, but they take time (days) and need to be followed properly.

The problem is that I feel so much guilt taking this time out for myself that I need just to stay functioning. I have a bad habit of putting on a fake smile and pretending everything is fine just so that I don't affect the lives of those around me. But then my low functioning and depression just goes on and on for weeks because I'm never really giving myself what I know I need.

Anyone relate?

you are stronger and more "with it" than i, as i was never able to fake it to any extent- i could never smile when i didn't feel like smiling. i never could act worth a damn.

Would you give examples? I need more to understand. What series of activities and things are you thinking of?

well, look at it this way; if you dont follow that routine every now-and-again; you'll go into a meltdown, which is a lot worse on your surroundings.
you shouldn't feel bad for avoiding meltdowns, the majority of aspies isn't even capable of doing that, so you should instead be proud of your ability

Mostly wanting quiet and alone time. No people, no light, no TV, not talking, playing lego, rocking, sleeping. All the things that ground me.

Yes it scares me to take time out from people. I forget to take my elective days off work until they've nearly expired, which is ridiculous given the way I feel about my job (i.e. prison sentence). Socially I tend to tough it out until I think I can get away without raising anybody's eyebrows. Sometimes I get trapped because there's no easy way to say goodbye "properly" to everybody....I sometimes sneak off but I always wonder what they thought about me doing that.

Seems like a complementary thread to the one about reaching ut to people.........and curiously, I seem to have trouble both with reaching for company and with pushing it away. Is the core problem a reluctance to be assertive and to manage people? Or is it just the known Aspie problem of stopping and starting practically anything?

I know get exhausted by putting on "the act" for everybody and I have been getting worse at keeping it up lately-its very tough.

Hmm, perhaps reducing the overall stimuli that you get during your life would help. I mean, if you don't really need TV, then get rid of it. Or, if you have regular activities that require a lot of energy (attention, sensory input), cut them back. Replace them by more AS friendly activities: solitary sports, attending libraries, museums, visiting nice rural recreational places, hiking in mountains etc.

Another approach is to better manage your life in the general sense, this usually reduces the anxiety level, but, I think the above is more important.

I hope what I write here isn't completely silliness.

I can't wait until the new DSM comes out and actually reclassifies all patients with something easier for everyone to understand so things like "low functioning" are not used as an adjective for a mood shift.

There's nothing wrong with getting some "down time" and you shouldn't feel guilty about doing so when you need it. It can be really exhausting to get through the day when you're at work or forced to interact with other people all day - especially if you feel like you are "acting" to get through it. Everyone has different needs and those around you will just have to accept that this is one of yours.

I can totally relate to how you feel and usually have to make a getaway to be alone after being around people for a couple of hours or more. But it can be a challenge when people who don't understand try to intrude on your solitude because they are afraid you might be "lonely" or "need some company" - argghh!

I'm just now learning this about myself.

I feel the same way, because people were telling me I was just lazy and undisciplined, which upset me and made me need even MORE time away from people and stimuli. Since the people who told me this still believe it themselves (Even though I don't), I never get the time to myself I need, and every day constantly I find myself on the verge of meltdowns and shutdowns. And even if I do get time to myself, It's usually only for a few hours (and I have little to no time perception. A few hours are nothing to me.) and no one understands that I need a much longer time away from a stimulant or trigger in order to deal with it, or that the trigger needs to be removed completely.

I hope you get the time to yourself you need, unhindered by feelings of guilt from yourself or being imposed by other people if that's the case for you too.