All arguments that involve you being blamed on you-AS traits

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I had a family dinner tonight and my mom was driving my sister back to her separate house with her boyfriend and then driving herself and I back to our place. My mom and sister were talking about the dinner and the meat and how long it was etc. I was quiet in the backseat not talking, but then decided to join the conversation, interjecting a couple comments. One of the times I tried to speak I did interrupt my sister....she had more to say on the topic she was talking about and I didn't realize....but everyone interrupts sometimes. My comments were completely ignored....mys sister just quickly went on about whatever she was talking about with my mom. Anyways later on in the conversation my mom was talking about how she has to push herself to go to meetings with her Karate class.....they all go out on outings sometimes and invite her.....but my mom is a bit shy and introverted and doesn't like socializing that much. She was saying that they always go out late at night and she likes going to bed early ect. SO I said that" I figure you know what you like and don't like (especially after 59 years of life) and you don't like these kind of gatherings..... you shouldn't make yourself go to them). My sister said in a loud voice with a lot of emotion "that's a horrible thing to say.....you should always try new things at no matter what age". I argued that it wasn't about trying new things....she's had a lot of experience with loud crowded gatherings with new people...and didn't like them. My sister kept arguing emphatically that it doesn't mean she hates all social gatherings. I said that what I was saying was based on conversations I had with my mom in the past where she said she didn't like these things and I related to her...and that I decided not to push myself to do things that made me uncomfortable anymore.... and my sister said "just because somethings doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's the same with everyone else" in an angry/annoyed or some kind of negative voice tone. Then she abruptly changed the topic and was telling my mom about the landmarks along the way to her boyfriends house. I tried to bring up the topic again but she said she needed to tell my mom about the landmarks. Then after a few minutes of her talking about the landmarks when she finally paused I tried to explain what I was talking about and how I just thought you shouldn't have to push yourself to do something that you don't enjoy, then my sister says in a raised voice "well that's her decision to make, isn't it?" and then abruptly changes the subject again and starts talking to my mom. I continue to defend myself and but my sister snaps "I was talking about something else". Then my mom says we have to stop arguing so she can concentrate on driving. End of incident.

Later when my mom and I discuss the incident (after my sister has left) my mom blames me for going on and on - arguing too much and being rigid and stubborn. It's true that I am like this and I did go on and on but my sister was also, and I think even more in the wrong in this case. One shouldn't make an accusation/strong argument and then abruptly change the subject. When I pointed this out to my mom she agreed with this but said really I'm an adult and I just had to learn to let things go and proceeded to start lecturing me about letting things go! I feel like no matter what the situation is I'll always be the one who is stubborn, rigid and irrational in her mind (and others in my family) and my side of things won't get fairly looked at. It's not just this one case.......it seems like I'm almost always blamed for big and little incidents with others in the family because of my AS characteristics. It's the first things she thinks of if something goes wrong involving me.

Wow. It sounds like you were supporting your mother by pointing out a choice she could make that would actually have been nice for her and got criticized by her in the end, not just argued against by your sister. I can't understand that sort of thing. It's not like you were telling your mother what to do. All you did was point out that it's okay to take a different course if you want to. Lots of people get to a point at which they feel they know their own minds and decide not to do certain things anymore. What's wrong with that? It seems to me that your sister was automatically dismissive of your opinion on the matter and generally disinterested in anything you might have to say anyway.

I'm fortunate that my circumstances seem to have improved so that I'm not exposed so much to that sort of thing, but it made me think of how I'd get accused, as a kid, of being oversensitive whenever someone said anything hurtful to me. I know it was sometimes true, and I also now know that sometimes I thought someone was being unkind when they really didn't mean any harm, because I simply didn't understand the situation. But that doesn't mean I was always wrong. Sometimes kids really do get bullied for real. Being sensitive doesn't mean all hurt feelings come from making something out of nothing.

You get labeled or thought of in a certain way, and then it seems some people will never see you any differently. That sucks.

I would have acted in the exact same way!! I think what you suggested to your Mum was a very understanding and caring thing. We all know what it is like to push ourselves to do things others expect of us when we have learnt we don't enjoy it. And it isn't like you were saying that your Mum should never go to social gatherings anymore, just that she didn't have to go to them if she didn't want to. You were helping her consider the idea that she could give herself permission to do what worked best for her even if it goes against the majority.

I wonder what caused your sister's reaction?

when someone changes the subject you should just drop it. it took me many years to learn this.

I was once accused of throwing autistic tantrums by some moron who felt it was necessary to: lose an argument, then attack me in another thread, then lose the argument, then attack me in another thread, in a vicious cycle wherein he could only cope with his profound stupidity by externalizing the ridiculous behavior and blaming me for it. He is now temp banned for harassing me by telling me I'm a mass murderer because, well, he lost the argument about the guy who was "arrested" for his FB posts last week and all of the sudden didn't show up in that thread anymore after the judge ordered him to be released, and insinuating that I sympathize with "Loughner and Holmes" and decided to attack me in another thread after that.

It seems like in their minds, we are merely drooling m*ngoloids who do not have the capacity to think and have no right to possess opinions. The "normals" are perfect, while we are not to be believed because our condition somehow magically skews reality. We're on the spectrum; we are not delusional.

I don't know if this is relavent but often when I'm having an outburst, I get accused of having one every week. I know I don't have a full-blown outburst every week, because I record when I do have them in a diary, and it turns out I have an outburst about twice a year. I have mini outbursts a lot, but they aren't really much to speak of, and they don't upset the whole family or make me feel bad or anything like that. You might just say they are just general ''stroppy'' moments, like we all have. But according to my mum, I have the type of outbursts that upset everyone else and involve me hitting my face and crying and screaming, every week . When I was at the doctors, I said to the doctor that anger and resentment builds up, and every 6-8 months I go into a signifficant panic resulting into an angry outburst, involving slapping myself and screaming and crying, but my mum butted in and said ''no, you have them all the time.''

Ohhh, how do I reason with this????! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! I think if I had one of those every week, I think everybody would've committed suicide by now!