How did your parents respond to bullying?

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My early childhood had bullies, same as all of us. The difference, for me, was my Mother grew up during the Depression, with no Father, and three brothers. My Father had taken a job, after coming back from the war, that didn't leave him home very much.

When I told my Mom (I was about 5) about the two boys beating me up almost every day, she said "Get them alone...one at a time." and this is basically what I did (when necessary) all the way through high school. Sometimes school authorities didn't understand the reason for me gnawing on someone's leg while his friends beat on me to make me let go (got some free psychological testing out of that incident by golly). And I gained a reputation, so got bullied less-and-less (good as it sits, but not so wonderful when the nicer kids avoid you because of this).

Oh, well.

It was the opposite for me. The more I fought back the more I've had to fight.

It depends on how old you are.

Did you follow the advise given to me and make sure things were "private" for you?

When you get older physical attacks on people (unless they have a gun in your face) get very little sympathy. So I'd say these issues are best settled when young.

When older (long ago) I've been forced to subterfuge when pressed by bullies at work. Being an extremely surreptitious person this seemed to fly as "not being too 'out-of-the-ordinary'" for office intrigue (at least I think so) and the issues were settled.

It's a difficult path. Maybe some martial arts training couldn't hurt; don't forget there's a "higher" side to martial arts for those that are interested.

Well, I was in my teens then and stopped hitting people quite soon after.



Agreed. I stopped when I realised how much damage a fist can do.



I haven't hit anyone for 30 years! I don't even think I'd be able to remember how to anymore

How you respond to bullies, as far as motivation (and acceptance of risk) to fight back, depends in large part what kind of support you get from your parents.

I had an acquaintance (he's NT) who told me this story of back when he was about 14, this horrible kid tormented him every day, called him every insult, shoved him into lockers, took stuff from him and threw it across the room, etc... when he told his military father about it, visibly agitated and near tears, his dad did the unexpected: he threw him against a wall, slapped him and screamed in his face that he won't tolerate having a "sissy son" and he'd better go do something about it and quit his whining, and if he deals with the abuser he won't get in any trouble and the a-hole kid will leave him alone. Next time the kid harassed him, he let loose and put the kid in hospital. While he got suspended for a week, his dad was right: he didn't get in any trouble from him, and the bully stayed the hell away from him after that

Contrast that with my case where I had a non-supportive stepmom, who instilled in me that I'd be in the wrong in fighting back, because I "caused" the bullies to behave the way they did and could have prevented it

It certainly diminishes any incentive to battle the bullies, doesn't it?

I did not tell them most of time and when I did they were sympathetic but they probably thought there was nothing they could do and they were probably right. Parents rarely went to school to complain or advocate for thier children in the 1960's. Children had no legal right to an education which meant the school could throw you out if your parents were "troublemakers" . Bullying was considered a normal part of growing up, if you were too "weak" to deal with it, to bad for you.

I never told them. I became more and more depressed and when they would ask how my day was I simply responded that it was boring. I don't know why I never said anything. I think I had difficulty describing my emotions and putting them into words when I was a kid.

Basically told me it was my fault.

I can't imagine they would or could of did much, I was more likely to hide it from my parents than anything.

First Secondary school my Father told me that all bullies were cowards and would back off with a punch on the nose. I was 11 and a bloke of 13 threatened me - *punch on nose* - I am now in trouble with school and parents because I threw first punch. Next 2 years are hell.
Second school (we moved around) was so big they had no idea I was there so truanted for 15 months.
Third school was bullied until I took a mallet to school and then allowed myself to be known as being utterly mental so people kept clear. Was accepted into football firm gang at age 16 and used that to keep others away.
Am now a pacifist...

I'd love to find out what idiot first came up with that ridiculous idea and give them a kick in the balls!

My father's rule was "never throw the first punch".



A mallet? One of those big square woodworking mallets? I remember taking penknives and in one instance a very large diving knife to school - not for self-defense though. And making catapults, knives, crossbows in metal/woodwork. Schools were different back then.



Me too, although I'd make an exception for the "bullies are cowards" originator

i was taught to ignore.

This might seem like good advice at first but it really isn't. By saying I should just "ignore" bullying my parents were teaching me to suppress justified anger which is not a good thing. It's also invalidating.

First my dad was overwhelmed and threw me to the ground and kicked me. He later then apologized and told me that I should stand up to bullies, even if it gets me in trouble. That is what I did, but not before I got payback on my dad (a blow between the legs, to which he admitted that he deserved that).

Most of the bullying I dealt with was verbal and it never got to the point where I actually would get physically hurt or feared for my life.

I never talked about it with my mom, as I was having my own issues with her and knew I could not depend on he for any type of emotional support, although one time, when I was little, she did chase a kid off when she saw him punch me.

My dad was very supportive and, if the situation was bad enough he would go to the school office about it and argue with the principal however long he had to until about the kid or teacher who was bullying me to get something done. Most of the time though, his main role was providing emotional support to help me cope with it overall.

Im not sure it was fair on my parents, in my primary school years (thats elementary school to you americans haha) everyone in my class except 2 people (who were friends with me at the time) bullied me, even the year below me bullied me. but of course i was a really quiet kid of hardly spoke and daydreamed most of the time, so i never told my parents this was a thing, they asked about a while back about it when the subject came up, so i told them, they dont believe me, saying "thats not fair, dont say that" as if them not telepathically knowing was a crime against parenting. in high school though (which is like middle school for americans) i had just 4 bullies, but those were alot worse then everyone in my primary school. the first one, lets call him J (as thats the starting letter of his name) focused on turning the class against me, the second one T (again the first letter of his name) focused on mentally messing with me, taking my stuff and so on, and the 3rd one and her minion, they are M and H, M focused on trying to kill me every chance she got and her minion joined her. in this case my parents dealt with it rather well, they told the school who took about 2 weeks to actually do anything, that turned J and T into allies, as they were told what i was dealing with (which was a chronic illness i had at the time...and still technically do have) but M and H got worse, i changed schools due to illness and that.


in college (which is like high school for you americans) i had 5 bullies but only 2 of them were actually bad, these 2 always told me to kill myself, told me how much better off they all were without me, that i should hang myself and they'd be happy again. basically everyday, hell A (the worst one) even sexually harrassed me (because i dont like being touched, in anyway at all, so thats something fun). my parents did nothing, they were aware of this, but didnt do anything at all.


so yeah, my parents were on and off with their dealings.

hahahahahha...I am not laughing at any replies. Just laughing at how different it was when I was growing up. And, it was different.

My Dad would tell me to get back out and clean their clock. His motto: Never start it, but finish it. And, whether you win or lose, you did your best.

Basically, if they are bigger, you really don't lose when getting your ass whupped. You stood up to it. If you were bigger, then you could control it. If you were the same size, well, who was just better?

And, I was flippant enough and quick on the retort, I avoided most ass kickings. But, I can tell you, I had my fair share of fights too. I hate it with a passion.

But, I prefer to run away.