Are my parents wrong to tell me to go to my room since Im 34

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naturalplastic
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30 Nov 2018, 2:48 pm

Telling you to "go to your room" when you're an adult is a bit ridiculous even if you're not paying rent.
If I were your parent I might responded with "do you realize whom you're talking to?" to get you to think rationally about it.

But it would nice if you didn't yell at them in the first place. Both sides should rethink.

But this issue is obviously just the symptom, and not the real problem in the family. Maybe you all should get some family counciling.



AprilR
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01 Dec 2018, 8:11 am

It's one thing to have problems with Anger control, it's whole another to treat you like a child. People yell at each other all the time in my parents house, no one tells another to go to their room. Maybe you can tell them this in a calm manner, that it sounds belittling to you and not do that to you.



Fnord
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01 Dec 2018, 8:29 am

It's one thing to have problems with anger control, it's a whole 'nuther thing to take one's anger out on people in their 70s, especially in their own home.



AprilR
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01 Dec 2018, 8:40 am

I agree yelling to people is wrong, but this is an issue of respect. Like i said, everyone are adults here, i wouldn't say something like that even when i'm angry at someone. Infantilising autistic people is also a problem in the community so people should be mindful of, just my opinion.



Fnord
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01 Dec 2018, 8:43 am

AprilR wrote:
I agree yelling to people is wrong, but this is an issue of respect...
Exactly. The OP should have more respect for her parents. Lacking that respect, she should learn to accept the consequences of her actions.

She should also count herself as lucky that her parents don't throw her out into the street and disown her completely.



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01 Dec 2018, 9:05 am

Fnord wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I agree yelling to people is wrong, but this is an issue of respect...
Exactly. The OP should have more respect for her parents. Lacking that respect, she should learn to accept the consequences of her actions.

She should also count herself as lucky that her parents don't throw her out into the street and disown her completely.


I agree with both of you. Parents should respect their adult child and the adult child living in the home of said parents, should be respectful of parents. That said, the phrase, "Go to your room," is demeaning and should not be used with adult children. Likewise, parents of adult children should not "ground" adult children living in their homes. Someone previously suggested family counseling and this is probably a good idea if a good counselor can be found.

Any solution should be respectful of both parents and the OP.

This is bringing back a memory of my paternal grandmother, talking to my aunt (her daughter) when she was an adult, married with a child, to "Wash your face before you go out." I was astounded at how ingrained the parent/child interaction was to persist into adulthood. 8O These were, to my knowledge, NTs.


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01 Dec 2018, 9:31 am

I used to live with my parents, and I understand how NT parents could be annoying to people on the spectrum.
They don't even get why they were annoying.

Especially when it comes to volume of TV, or when they are doing something that makes a great deal of noise from our perspective.

I used to have a difficult time with them too-- lots of yelling (both from me and from my parents)

But in the end, I moved out and started living with my ex boyfriend for 4 years, then started living alone after the breakup.

I still meet my parents once or twice every week.
Eventually, they start to get why I used to feel so annoyed.



naturalplastic
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01 Dec 2018, 11:10 am

The thing about the TV volume brings back some not so happy memories.

As a middle aged adult I tried to watch the movie "Revolutionary Road" a few years ago, but couldn't get through it. The movie consists mainly of Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet, as a married couple, yelling at each other at the top of their lungs.

Took me back to my childhood (like nine or ten). It was the mid Sixties. I was in grade school trying to sleep, but I was forced to hear every line of dialogue in the high brow drama "Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?" because Richard Burton and Liz Taylor were screaming each line at the top of their lungs, and my stupid parents were too inconsiderate to turn down the volume on the TV set.

Finally I got SO angry that I got up, walked the length of the house to the living room, and just put my little kid hand on the volume dial and turned it down. My dad was shocked and angry.

Mom and dad poured tons of money into therapists because (as they explained it) I "had trouble expressing anger". Well...I am expressing anger. WTF is your problem???? Arent you happy?

Doesn't have much to do with the topic of thread. Just felt like venting.



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01 Dec 2018, 11:34 am

I think they were right to do what they did. A parent has a duty to support their child as long as they are unable to support themselves. A child (or dependent adult) has a corresponding duty to respect and obey their parents. You don't get to skip out on the obligations of a child while your guardians have to stick to their parental responsibilities past their usual expiration date. Your relationship, whatever its nature, should be reciprocal.


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Joe90
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01 Dec 2018, 7:02 pm

Fnord wrote:
It's one thing to have problems with anger control, it's a whole 'nuther thing to take one's anger out on people in their 70s, especially in their own home.


How do you know how old her parents are?


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Fnord
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02 Dec 2018, 11:40 am

Joe90 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
It's one thing to have problems with anger control, it's a whole 'nuther thing to take one's anger out on people in their 70s, especially in their own home.
How do you know how old her parents are?
I would have to cross-post to show you.



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02 Dec 2018, 4:38 pm

Maybe your parents think you are being overwhelmed/too stressed out & need some time to yourself to wind down/calm down. There are lots of times I have to tell my girlfriend to go upstairs & take a nap because she gets overwhelmed & extremely stressed out by things & she kind of shuts down & would play vid games nonstop & then be upset about how much time she spent playing & how she's feeling too bad to do anything else.


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02 Dec 2018, 6:50 pm

It isn't normal for parents to send a 30-something to their room. I think if you act like a child you will be treated like a child, no matter your age.


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03 Dec 2018, 11:13 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
it's not always possible to "just move out".

not enough people are aware of this.

They like to pretend that no one on this forum has autism and is a perfectly functioning NT, and they also like to pretend that there is no housing affordability crisis where the original poster lives. Such things are overlooked when they are talking from their high horse.

Who knows why the OP was yelling, were they being unreasonable? Who knows. Was one of her parents an abusive prick(like in my own life), who knows, we weren't there.



Fnord
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03 Dec 2018, 11:17 am

Noca wrote:
Kiprobalhato wrote:
it's not always possible to "just move out".not enough people are aware of this.
They like to pretend that no one on this forum has autism and is a perfectly functioning NT, and they also like to pretend that there is no housing affordability crisis where the original poster lives. Such things are overlooked when they are talking from their high horse. Who knows why the OP was yelling, were they being unreasonable? Who knows. Was one of her parents an abusive prick(like in my own life), who knows, we weren't there.
True. The option of leaving may not be possible for the OP (or she would have done it by now), and an attempt to change a rule may be what precipitated the argument in the first place.

So maybe the only option the parents had was to banish the OP from their presence -- it's their house, after all.



SaveFerris
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03 Dec 2018, 11:58 am

Fnord wrote:

So maybe the only option the parents had was to banish the OP from their presence -- it's their house, after all.


There is always an another option if you are a well grounded rational person.


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