differences between boys and girls with autism
cruimh_shionnachain
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Well, I wasn't the one who said they were desperate, but in my opinion, I really can't imagine a young girl/woman advertising herself online the way I see so many young boys/men do on here. Not that I'm being sexist. Society prohibits women from actively searching for mates the way men can, which, for an aspie woman, makes her chances of finding someone much less. Women are meant to be rescued from towers, society tells us, not to rescue men from towers. Because an aspie woman lacks the social subtlety that is required to attract a mate, they often are ignored, much more than aspie men. And they aren't even allowed to complain. They're the ones to blame. They're too butch, society tells them. They're not good enough to be wives and mothers. The thing is, that many of them believe it.
Silently, too, that's the thing.
And as for whoever said that women need their own diagnostic category, separate is not equal. Even though male and female genes are different enough to warrant an evolutionary split...
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Last edited by cruimh_shionnachain on 09 Aug 2007, 6:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
BTW, I have been in two relationships in the past. So the belief that female Aspies can get dates easier than their male Aspie counterparts is nothing more than a false generalization.
And in the romantic world, also keep in mind that not everyone with AS has it to the same extent. There are some of us that have severe AS. And there are others, like me, that are borderline AS/NT. A female with severe AS might have more difficulty finding a date than an male who is borderline AS/NT.
Tim
You are very correct Tim.
I am a female with severe AS if you want to call it as such. And I do agree that there are AS/NT types.
Actually there are either NT/NT, or NT/AS, or AS/AS depending on the genes they got from the parents. Both NT parents is NT/NT kids. One NT one AS parent is NT/AS. Both AS parents it is AS/AS or severe AS as you call it.
Star
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BTW, I have been in two relationships in the past. So the belief that female Aspies can get dates easier than their male Aspie counterparts is nothing more than a false generalization.
And in the romantic world, also keep in mind that not everyone with AS has it to the same extent. There are some of us that have severe AS. And there are others, like me, that are borderline AS/NT. A female with severe AS might have more difficulty finding a date than an male who is borderline AS/NT.
Tim
You are very correct Tim.
I am a female with severe AS if you want to call it as such. And I do agree that there are AS/NT types.
Actually there are either NT/NT, or NT/AS, or AS/AS depending on the genes they got from the parents. Both NT parents is NT/NT kids. One NT one AS parent is NT/AS. Both AS parents it is AS/AS or severe AS as you call it.
Star
I can't argue with the fact that autism is genetic, but the formula that you have written is way oversimplified. There are WAY more factors then whether or not both parents have a form of autism, or if they're NT. If it were that easy they'd screen parents before they even tried to evaluate the child. I see many severely autistic children born to NT parents. How would one explain the fact that I have 3 kids, one NT (but with many traits of AS), one with PDD-NOS (mid-high functioning) and one with severe autism with a cognitive delay? My husband is NT, though he has many AS traits, especially in the social area.
No, you're the one who said no intelligent one would do it.
Check the Eligible Odd-Bods thread on the Love and Dating forum. I'm not the only chick on there.
That may be the case, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's a rare man who's willing to court a woman for five years before she's comfortable enough to let him touch her. If an AS woman is average looking, not many men will ask her out for a second date unless she's the type of AS who's over-giving in a relationship rather than the type who's under-giving.
That may be the case, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's a rare man who's willing to court a woman for five years before she's comfortable enough to let him touch her. If an AS woman is average looking, not many men will ask her out for a second date unless she's the type of AS who's over-giving in a relationship rather than the type who's under-giving.
So, imagine what chance do AS women who happen to be under-giving and who are NOT attractive have ... They don't even get a FIRST date.
Star
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No, you're the one who said no intelligent one would do it.
Check the Eligible Odd-Bods thread on the Love and Dating forum. I'm not the only chick on there.
How are the guys advertising themselves?
Tim
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Yeah, because Aspie women/girls get so much attention - no one ever focuses on the Aspie guys...
Sometimes I get really sick of how the guys on this forum b***h and complain about how the women here have it so much better. What a bunch of bull. Men are allowed to act like teenagers at pretty much any age and most people just find it endearing. Women over college age, on the other hand are seen as social pariahs if they don't magically morph into mature social sophisticates or motherly types by a certain age. I watched as the female friends I had growing up changed into mommies while I still felt like a 12 year old boy, that's when I really knew something wasn't "normal" about me.
Everything I've been able to find about Asperger's has focused on males. It's like finding the holy grail to actually read something that talks about females with AS and how it affects them
If you ask me, it's about damn time someone started to focus on us.
The thing is that no gender has it easier than the other when it comes to AS. Now, some individuals may have it easier than others, but it is inaccurate to lump one whole gender ahead of the other.
The main reason is that not everyone with AS has it to the same extent. I'm a guy, and I have no problem attracting people, but I am rather selective of who I date.
Tim
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The main reason is that not everyone with AS has it to the same extent.
Very true.
LadyMacbeth
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In terms of love and dating etc, I do agree that women have a better chance of having something started. However, maintaining that and developing it into a relationship is a completely different thing.
From my own experience, it was easy enough to get someone to have an interest in me, or even sleep with me, but after that turned into something a bit more, they were scared away.
I feel that AS men have a better chance of maintaining a relationship with an NT woman than AS women do with NT men. But AS women have a better chance of "hooking up" with NT men than the other way round. It's just the western culture for ya.
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I've never been interested in dating or having a relationship.
I suppose females might have it worse off because we're supposed to be more social, but at the same time it's acceptable for a girl to be shy too, so I don't know. I was shy, still am. I still had some problems when I was younger and had all these tests done, but I was never diagnosed with an ASD. The only thing I was diagnosed with was Hypotonia, which sometimes can fall within the spectrum. The docs did also say I might be "slightly autistic", but no further tests were done to confirm it. Of course at that time AS wasn't in the DSM yet. Still, I think girls are either overlooked, or considered too mild for it to be a problem so they shrug it off.
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Could it be because a large number of Aspie women are lesbian, bisexual or asexual?
I think the guys just have the raging hormones to want to have a girlfriend. While most AS women couldn't give a s**t spending time with ANYONE if the other person isn't the kind to hold intellectual conversation and do fun, Aspie-intriguing things. Most people bore me to tears. Yes especially the women and I prefer women. But I haven't been in a relationship in years outside of dating an emotionally abusive bi-polar B*tch last winter. Most of my acquaintance-friends are guys though. But rarely do I care to be around anyone. Perhaps too having been raped once and abused in most of my relationships I have adopted the don't give a s**t about having a partner attitude.
Yeah, because Aspie women/girls get so much attention - no one ever focuses on the Aspie guys...
Sometimes I get really sick of how the guys on this forum b***h and complain about how the women here have it so much better. What a bunch of bull. Men are allowed to act like teenagers at pretty much any age and most people just find it endearing. Women over college age, on the other hand are seen as social pariahs if they don't magically morph into mature social sophisticates or motherly types by a certain age. I watched as the female friends I had growing up changed into mommies while I still felt like a 12 year old boy, that's when I really knew something wasn't "normal" about me.
Everything I've been able to find about Asperger's has focused on males. It's like finding the holy grail to actually read something that talks about females with AS and how it affects them
If you ask me, it's about damn time someone started to focus on us.
I agree wholeheartedly. But first I have to say the 10:1 or 4:1 gender ratio is a big bunch of BS. I've been to autism functions where its 50/50 or even 60% females/ 40% males. I find this upsetting because even at meetings when the gals outnumber the guys the focus is ALWAYS, ALWAYS on young MALE Aspies. Nobody ever worries about the female Aspies over the age of say 10 and what problems we may be encountering. Even the few AS schools and living centers are all for guys only. Meanwhile the females are left to suffer in poverty, abuse, loneliness, ill health all of their lives. We are even expected as AS women to behave normal like an NT while AS & NT guys alike are allowed to act like children their entire life.
richardbenson
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maybe more women go to the meetings because there more social? i know i dont go because im embarresed and unsocial.
living centers for males who have aspergers in flagstaff? news to me.
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Me too. But I still want a boyfriend. And then there's the dance perseveration, which doesn't help matters any.
So I need to find a guy that I'm attracted to, who doesn't bore me stupid, AND isn't driven away by my aspie-ness, AND who partner dances.
This is why I'm single.
Oh yeah rape and abuse are just so wonderful for us Aspie females. And we don't even have to ask for it; we just get it! ( Just an FYI the average Aspie female does not have normal relationships.)
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