I hate Asperger's

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Why are you guys spending so much time hating this thing you can do nothing about and besides hating aspergers is hating you. Why do this to yourselfs? I mean what is the point the only one who is suffering is you? Look I don't care anymore about the labels I just dave and your just you. Sure you may have a harder time with some stuff than others but I ganuratee that their are things you are better at than others. So what if being social is not your strong point or the fact that you have behavioral problems. These are so what's they don't matter. Why because if there is honestly nothing you can do about it and life is going to be this way regardless of your feelings about it than embrace it and enjoy what you have been given because I sure all of you have a talent or skill that is better than anyone and focus there and thank God you blessed with these gifts.

^^^

Well, because Asperger's is just so isolating. I don't have any unique talents. OK I can play a few songs on the keyboard with just one hand and control the background rhythm with my other hand, and I have tried to learn to play with two hands over the years but could never get it. Yes it's a talent but I know some NTs who can play a musical instrument and they're really effective at it. Also I know an NT with a brilliant talent for art. I've been drawing ever since I was about 2 years old and I've always been trying to draw better, but I still can't. Plus I done art class at school. I haven't really got a knack for anything.

I know a woman who works in a supermarket that I sometimes talk to when I go in there, and she's NT but has a lot of funny ways about her (not ha ha funny). She told me that if there are a lot of colleagues in the staff canteen, she doesn't speak to any of them, but goes into the toilets to eat her lunch, then gets back to work afterwards without speaking to anybody. But every time I've ever seen her in there, she is always seen yakking away to another colleague, any colleague, and I've even seen them run over to her to chat at any free minute they can get, but I don't often see the other colleagues yakking away like that to each other, so it must be something about her they all like, despite acting all standoffish when it comes to breaks where most NTs like to socialise while they eat. I know full well that if I done that at work, not speaking to any of my colleagues in the canteen and creeping off to the toilets to eat lunch on my own, I bet nobody would want to know me. It's like this woman can have her cake and eat it too.

But no, if you've got Asperger's and you try hard to fit in, you end up getting knocked back even further, and feeling more left out.

It's all in the way you look at it. I know for me, since I can't change the fact that I have it, I might as well find some humor in the situation.

I spent too much of my life missirble over this thing and in the in the end I learn aspies is so what. See I don't have aspies today and I don't mean I cured it I look at my social diffculties as the shortcommings I need to work on and the gift of being me. I not a label and I refuse to feel different any longer. I am dave and doctors may label my shortcommings but there just the gift of my humanity and part of being in the human race. Just as other people have their shortcomings. Life is too damn short for me to sit here and not enjoy it. If you want to spend your life like that I can't change you but I would truly hope you want more from your life than to hate it. Because I know that you r beautiful and no matter what is going on in your life it's not perment cause life is aways changing and the gift and the beauty of your life is that you have the ability to change and over come. I remember this amazing woman I met once she was told because her "disability" she was not smart enough for college and all the things she would not be able to do. Well you know what? She had her ba and she had found the gift of her humanity and that gift is your life is limitless. But as long as you want to hate who you are and dwell on what you lack you will never find this. I wish I could show you how beautiful and wonderful you are. Yet it is not enough for me to say this but you need to see it.
I want to state I not a social enstine or do I get along well with a lot of people. I can spend my life dwelling here and oh how I am the poor aspie and boo hoo or I can accept it and not brate myself in to second class citizennship because of it. Because I am not and your not either. See once I gained my humanity back my relationships with people got better because my relationship with myself had improved. See after I got dumped and lived with the guilt and the shame of pushing my love away I wanted to change because I never wanted to hurt anyone like that again and I vowed to change and I started writing and looking at my life honestly and all this anger and self hatred I had been holding on too not all but a lot having to do with aspergers. One of the things I wrote about the revloutionized my thinking was why could I not just be dave minus the labels and that when it hit me I was and always had been dave and these labels and dignoes where not who I was and form that moment till now I found my citizenship to the human race and after years of thinking if only I could afford expensive doctors and specilists then and only then would I be ok. But that was the lie I was ok and always had been ok and I did not need a cure for who I am because believe or not despite psycology says you and aspergers are one which means there is only you and your set of shortcomming nothing else. I say this because I read once that out of all the illnesses in world the most dignosed illness is mental illness and they done studies on the brian after the person dies to see if truly there where abnormalities in the brain and there weren't. Now I know that aspergers is not a menatal illness like manic depression and even if they had found difference in a aspie vs "normal" one and even if there ar differentces still just makes no differce that still is who you r. Your normal is not mine nor should it be because I believe normal is relative. We each are doing the best with what we have and none have it figured out yet so enjoy your home and not on the wrong planet the planet is full of people who are just like you with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. So stop hating life and embrace your defects because they r where get to grow and learn and they r going to be your greatest tools in helping others.

Seriously people, we need more ADHD friendly posts.

Leave spaces between paragraphs. My struggling brain thanks you in advance.

We all want what we can't have. I can't learn anything on the piano. I was even on ADHD meds that worked for a little while but they ended up making me sick. I'm unfit for work too.

I'm fine with not being that social, although people still put pressure on me to be social. I suppose it's good to keep it up so I don't lose the skills.

We've basically got AS for life. It's not like medicating and getting treatment for a mental illness. It also doesn't need to be under control as desperately as those mental illnesses.

I don't know why we get so upset by people ignoring us, or making comments or even just feeling alone in a crowd. I only had that issue once and now I've got a whole stack of problems.

I don't hate bipolar, at least not as much as some people here hate their AS. Is this all you really think about? I sometimes have to be reminded I have autism because it's not on my mind a lot. Lately, it has because I've noticed some rigidity come back but I'm mainly aware of my ADHD and bipolar, and I'm only miserable about them during a depressive episode and that's only for a couple of hours.

Anyway, you don't have to be constantly down about AS. You just need to change the way you think about it. It could take weeks or months or years but it's not impossible. Admit that you'll have AS forever and focus on your strengths and not worry so much about fitting in with the world that keeps rejecting you. You just need to find people that will love you for who you are and putting up an NT mask is no way to discover them. I'm glad I have a few really open minded friends. It took a few others more time to accept me and learn all about how I was different, but now we're good friends.

As for talents, yeah I have a few but I find it hard to get motivated to do them and when I do I never stick with them. I still try my best at them though.

Anyway, it's up to people how they choose to live their life. As for me I embrace my autism and take advantage of the skills I've developed because of it, and use it as a coping mechanism.

I can quite understand why some posters to this thread claim to 'hate' AS. But they are falling prey to an illusion: AS is not something subtractable (or curable) from a supposed neurotypical standard. It is an inherent part of your brain structure and has been since before you were born. In a very real sense, your AS IS you. That means that you have to accept some of the social limitations of your personality and work with (or around) them as best you can.

Yes, it can stink at times.

It hurts to be on the outside of social occasions looking in, for example. But it also gives you a unique perspective on the world, which manifests itself in a multitude of different ways, in fact so multitudinous that I would hazard a guess that there are as many unique AS perspectives on the world as there as AS people themselves. Learn to treasure and nourish that aspect of your individuality: And look at the neurotypical mass, who are all so alike in so many predictable ways, and so easily manipulatable by those in power, whereas to have AS is to have the great gift of asking "Why?" of any given situation.

It would be great if more neurotypical people were acceptant of AS modes of thought and communication, but until we get out there and start challenging them, they have the perfect excuse for ignorance (incidentally, isn't it odd how so many people claim that autistic people are 'deficient' in empathy, and then demonstrate so little understanding of the social deficits experienced by AS people?).

We have one great advantage in terms of our so-called 'disability': We are invisible among the great mass of normality and can each act as an ambassador and advocate for our condition in any given social circumstance. One of our most commonly-overlooked strengths is our preference for one-on-one communication for example: In interpersonal interaction, we can show our strengths to their greatest advantage, and because the neurotypical interlocutor is temporarily separated from her or his peer group, we are more likely to encounter a response that shows AS communication off to its best strengths.

Also, through our predominating social enhancements -- typically (but not limited to) higher intelligence, greater long-term memory, keen sense of social justice, greater powers of associative thinking, neutral stance on relationships, enhanced capacity for unencumbered logic thought -- we have much to offer neurotypical-dominant culture, thereby helping in a million and one subtle ways to adjust mainline thinking to something approaching harmony with our own. This is, of course, a never-ending battle, as is the history of most of human thought.

Finally, I would like to stress that -- just as all neurotypical people are unpredictably diverse while sharing overarching common characteristics -- so too are all AS people similarly diverse yet similar. Do not be downheartened to see some of your personal characteristics reduced to check-box options on an autism-screening questionnaire. These say nothing about your personality, your personal idiosyncrasies, the strengths and weaknesses of your character. You as an autistic person have strengths that perhaps only you appreciate -- but they are strengths nevertheless. Put the full force of your character into everything you do, and do not be ashamed of what society imposes as limitations. You have more to offer in so many ways than you have ever been told.

And don't worry about slipping up -- neurotypical people do it all the time. They just shrug, change and get on with it, without ever believing that their brain structure made them do it. You can too, although your memory might torture you by dwelling on failures -- that is because your memory is more retentive and prone to storing mistakes, causing anxiety. Remember that most neurotypical people do not devote as much thought to your actions as you do. Use this anxiety to guide your future actions, not restrict them, and you will find that you are more socially-adaptive than you had previously believed.

Like I said before, I get criticised all the time, like I cannot do anything right. Contradictions and double standards are the hardest things to listen to and accept or even understand. It gives me a headache.

I help myself to make my life more interesting and fun by thinking hard about things like my job and what I like about it and what I don't like about it and see how I can change that by making sensible decisions in a mature way, without affecting anyone else, just so that I can work but also have some free time to do the things I do enjoy and meet people who accept me more and I can enjoy various social activities with (and I don't mean partying and drinking alcohol). But, when doing this, I have got people saying to me, ''you can't have everything you want, work is more important than your stupid hobbies, you need to get off your bum like the rest of us.''

But, when I'm feeling down or stressed out with things like at work and I'm not doing anything about it when I could, I then get people saying to me, ''well do something about it then, instead of keep complaining about it. Go out into the world, find something that interests you, find out if you can make a few small changes at work if that will make you happier, and then you can open up some new opportunities.''

So what the hell am I supposed to do???

yah I do admit, having Aspergers sucks sometimes.

Having trouble making and keeping friends, getting a gf/bf, paying attention in class, keeping track of your schoolwork and even holding a job can be a pain when you have Aspergers. And then you have the media, theres a negative association with the word autism. Have you even typed in the word Autism on google? It's full of articles about parents about all the troubles they have of raising an autistic kid or it mentions how autism is a burden or it's negative. No wonder many autistics have such low esteem. We feel as if we're something that needs to be cured.


No wonder many people on the spectrum don't like telling anyone. They think autism is a bad word. It's a word synonymous with failure.

Well Joe, you must concede that they have at least something of a point -- if you have a typically AS special interest, and it could possibly be put to money-earning use (however slight that use might be to begin with) then wouldn't you begin to feel more fulfilled, more in charge of your own personal destiny?

Not everyone with AS, of course, is fortunate enough to have an immediately-marketable skill at the ready.

But is there something you would love to do, to which you would devote all your characteristically-positive AS traits of devotion, technical obsession and practice, until you became professional standard?

Something that you could perhaps start off doing in your spare time, and expand as your home-grown business (hopefully) takes off?

You know what they say about what you should do when God sends you lemons...

^^^
I was talking more about the contradictions people give me. Trying to help myself and I get accused of being too fussy. Trying to challenge myself and I get accused of being too complainy. Carry on and not telling anybody about my feelings and I get accused of being uncommunicative. What can I do?
And my interests are a little more complicated than that. They're not the type to earn a living out of them and make money like that. I wouldn't know where to start either. But it is a good suggestion for some downhearted Aspies.

OP I totally agree. this approach helps me to reduce the effects; http://unlearningasperger.blogspot.co.uk

I agree with this person. I hate it too. Im not on the so really bad side of it but I still hate it. I get nervous when people bring it up because I always think someone knows my deepest darkest secret. If that happens my mom will say you're actually the one bringing it up. (The only other person I talk about it with). People are trying to get me to do other things that people with out a disability do which is what I want but its hard for someone with epilepsy also. ( At least people understand that and its not like the Cant see any thing wrong with you just being a__________.) I cant stand the ones Lumping all aspies together saying us or we as if im part of a group or family with them. I wasn't built by Aspergers either. (LIke those aspie agenda people want me to think) I made it where I am by working hard and doing it right. I hate people saying to me its all because of AS (the few who know) like working "Wow I never people with AS could do flooring so well (why didn't the other guy get praised for doing the job better then me). or one time my mom said "He has AS so he is angry (why don't people care the guy sitting next to me just dropped the F-bomb after receiving the same bad news All I did was shake my head in disbelief)". If people still think its good then I don't know what to say maybe it works for you but I cant live being the one who is on the other side. I feel like I have to lie to feel confident in life.

If it doesn't feel 'right' to you, then you're probably in the wrong situation.