Your ''coming out'' story

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How did you come out about your autism to your friends or family, that is if you did come out or if your parents told you. I haven't come out yet but when i do it will be to my sister when we are alone together

I havn't yet, partly because I'm not terribly elaborate (I have AS, so that's a given). I don't know how to explain Asperger's to them, I think I'll tell them it's a more of a difference than an actual disorder, in that I process information in a different way than most people, and as such I'm good at things that most people aren't, and bad at ordinary things. It's not neccesarily true, but it's a good enough definition for them.

I told my younger sister first because I thought she would listen. Basically, I told her what AS was and that I was sure I had it, and she laughed at me and told me to stop being a hypochondriac. I hope your sister is more sympathetic. My mom actually saw a book I had about AS before I got the chance to tell her, and then she told me that she and my dad had actually suspected AS when I was in kindergarten (they decided against it because I wasn't interested in math). That was a surprise. I'd expected that nobody in my family had ever heard of AS, and that when I explained it they'd see that I was clearly an aspie. My family still has doubts about my being an aspie, so my "coming out" was a bit anticlimatic.

I told my mom. She pretty much didn't believe me. She kept suggesting my depression had something to do with PMS...even after I kept telling her there's no correlation between my meltdowns and "that time of the month"! She still keeps suggesting it I have borrowed her a vid. by Tony Attwood, I sent her links to articles, etc.....she just refuses to talk about it at all. She'll change the subject. I almost suspect she is an Aspie too, and maybe that's why she won't talk about it.

I think my parents told my sister 'cause I think I walked in on the end of that conversation.

My parents knew what Asperger's was before I did. I was diagnosed at the local school administrative building with a group of psychologists in '99. Back then I didn't know what it was about until sophomore year of high school. I didn't speak to my parents for about a few days until I revealed I found out about the diagnosis. But they've been very supportive of me.

My mum was the person who told me about AS and suggested that I might have it. She was also the person who took me to get diagnosed, so there was no 'coming out' to her. I haven't however told one of my new potential friends, basically because I don't know how she'll react and I don't want to scare her away.
I have told someone that I've known since I was 6 and she didn't react good or badly, in fact she didn't have much of a reaction at all.

It all started late one night after I'd had a fight with my ex. The stress and noise had caused me to meltdown, and to escape, I got in my car and drove off. This was a few months after discovering that I had AS, and that AS was the reason that the relationship would never work. I still hadn't told my family or anyone else. Only my ex and I knew this at the time.

After freaking out and leaving, I drove around aimlessly for a while, emotionally overwrought and at my wits-end with anxiety and sensory-overload. I suddenly could no longer keep it to myself. Almost involuntarily, I reached for my cell phone and called my dad. I proceeded to burst forth in a tense, chattering monologue about how I have AS, and how it's shaped my entire life, and how I can't go on living the way that I do, etc. etc. etc.........

He patiently listened to me for the hour or so that I rambled on, interjecting a comment here and there; at one point, most poignantly saying, "we never had a word for it"...... indicating that perhaps my parents knew something was up but didn't know exactly what it was. This was doubly hard for me because I know that my dad most likely has AS himself. He fits the profile the same way that I do, he just managed to find a career in his interest, and a wife who took care of everything for him.

Once I ran out of things to say, I could tell from his voice that he was a bit teary and emotional. This was so rare. He is never that way; never shows strong emotion. My words had obviously affected him. He said that he would try and help me in whatever way he could, and that he understood what I must be going through. He seemed genuinely caring and supportive in a way that I've hardly ever seen him. I can only assume that my revelation had caused him to have some kind of mirrored reaction, and he and I actually "got" each other for once.

This all happened some months ago, and although nothing concrete has come of that disclosure, it certainly opened the door to some positive change that I see coming on the horizon. Good things

My mom has been saying that she thinks i have AS ever since a therapist mentioned the possibility briefly when i was in middle school(anxiety issues were kind of overshadowing everything else, though. so she never went into it much further.. thus, why i've waited so long to actually look into it and seek a diagnosis). So, with my parents i don't think a "coming out" will be necessary.. Family have always known that there was something peculiar about me, and, looking back, my mom seems to give a lot of little facts about my early childhood that seem very aspie(one example.. not smiling and laughing when put in a swing, but, instead, carefully watching the little swingy mechanism go back and forth above me). A few of my co-workers have had to hear me ramble on about why i think i have AS and that i think i'm going to get diagnosed with it, too(what can i say, it's become a "special interest" lately).. So i don't think a "coming out" will really be necessary there, either. When and if i get my diagnosis, i'll, actually, probably be announcing to all the ones who have dismissed my problems as "normal" that i'm officially autistic.

On a side note, someone needs to make up a fun "coming out of the closet" type of saying for autistic spectrum people. "Coming out of the puzzle box" or something fun and catchy

The only person in my family who knows (other than my wife) is my brother. I told him at a time I was a bit more sure I had AS than I am now (although today I'm feeling more than 50% sure). We've never been all that close, partly because of the age difference, and partly because he's pretty different than me (I would say he's definitely neurotypical).

He basically said that he thought it was a real possibility but ultimately that it shouldn't matter, for I am who I am because of it. I have to say that I agree.

The exchange was over Facebook PMs.

When I brought the topic to my parents, neither of them were surprised.

They of course have known for years that I've had difficulties with several areas, and have taken me on several occasions to sessions with therapists to talk to me about my problems. The only questions I can recall were, "What are you so angry at?" My answer, "Nothing." Maybe I felt anger but didn't recognize it? So naturally I would say nothing in that situation. I was asked once, "Do you ever feel like hurting yourself?" The first thought that came into my mind was a feeling of frusteration with something stupid that I may have done, in which scenario I may hit myself in the head. I answered yes, but that wasn't explored AT ALL.

Both my parents told me that when I was younger I had been taken to doctors a couple of times on the subject. Although this was before it was announced officialy in the USA, so the idea was rejected by them that I could have a "mild form of autism". My mother was certainly on the ball, but didn't pursue that idea any further. I was about 4 or 5 on those visits.

So, of course they weren't surprised. No special heart breaking or epic change in life story, unfortunately!

My Father never knew I had AS because he died before it was 'discovered'. I told my Mother about AS by letter and it was a very angry document, the genetic basis of AS plus the really weird upbringing I had from my parents screwed up my life.

Two of my friends know about my AS and they understand.

Vanilla_Slice

I had no need. My mother noticed my ASD traits way before I did; it was her who explained it all to me...

I tried to talk to my parents about it..but it has seemed sort of pointless. I mention it in my youtube videos and my parents have seen my videos...but they neither confirm nor deny anything.
I cannot bring up Autism without my very-AS mom going on a tangent about the environment, mercury fillings, and the evils of vaccinations...So I don't bring it up. Other than that, my parents are extremely supportive of me and have helped me out contiuously ever since I have been on my own...so that might be a sort of acknowledgement that I have needed help..but they don't know a whole lot about it...and we don't talk much about it

I have in a sense two different coming out stories, the first when I was self-diagnosed in 2002-2004 (my parents eventually persuaded me to stop thinking of myself as AS) and the other when I was officially diagnosed in 2007.

I was first self-diagnosed in 2002, when I was 16. I found out about AS online, participated on forums and E-mail groups, and didn't tell anyone. But my father had a habit of googling me, and found out that way. My school tutor found out the same way. So in essence this wasn't a real coming out, since I did not control it.

Then when I was referred for official diagnosis, I was referred by support staff at the home I lived at the time (not wiht my parents), and I didn't want my parents to find out until they had to participate in the diagnosing process. But one of my support workers told them anyway, because somehow she thought she needed to obtain their consent (legally no basis for that). I did tell my parents right away when I was eventually diagnosed, just so they knew. Can't remember how I came out to my sister. I told some friends pretty soon, too, because one lived in my home and knew that I was being tested. My boyfriend is himself AS and we met through a Dutch equivalent of WP, so I had no need to come out. And now that I am in the psychiatric system inpatient, I pretty much tell everyone who's going to be important for me, because there's just no avoiding that it affects me. Some family still may or may not know, at least I didn't tell them, but I don't think I ever will (eg. my 85yo grandma who probably has no clue what AS is and has known me as just me for this long).