Being honest with myself

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I've been working really hard on being honest with myself. I've even changed my diagnosis to Other Spectrum Disorder. I look like a overgrown child, almost like Mick Avory (HFA) looks like an overgrown child. Ray Davies possible Aspie does not look abnormal. He looks like a regular grown up like aspies usually do. Aspies go on to university and they have perfect grammar. HFAs barely make it through high school and they're more likely to have suffering grades. Aspies are straight A students and proficient in many languages. HFAs have thicker accents and there might be little breaks in parts of their sentences and they say inappropriate things after being teased, or seeing somebody else being teased. Aspies are more likely to think before they speak, in all ocasions. And it's taken me 20 minutes to type this with much effort, where as most people would have had it done in five minutes with out much effort. so I'm HFA instead of AS. Aspies are also more likely to blow up (not me) where as HFAs are more likely to have a crying fit, not to be confused with meltdowns. (John Lennon, Mick Avory and myself.) HFAs are also more likely to be incontinent in one way or another. Aspies have perfect control and they always have had the perfect control. Enough said. I just said that I was AS to make myself look good. I still don't wish to be cured, because I enjoy my unworldly childlike wonder, with all my little toy Routemasters. I'm really HFA not AS.

I don't think you look abnormal.

A lot of the generalizations you're using are just that, generalizations. Not all Aspies go to university and have perfect grammar; actually, there's not many who do. They're not likely to have straight As and be proficient in many languages, and I assure you, some most definitely do not think before speaking. You can't take high profile cases and expect those same standards to apply to everyone, because they won't.

If you feel you may qualify for HFA instead of AS, that's something that your doctor should be able to tell you. Listening to a bunch of people on the internet, especially ones who would make you feel bad, is not going to help at all.

I changed my diagnoses to other autism spectrum disorder as well two years ago because I felt I didn't fit the AS profile. I was not a little professor or sound like those aspies the way they are portrayed in books when it comes to their obsessions and interests and I have always loved surprises, good ones. I didn't have strict routines at home, I did what was on my mind and I loved having friends coming over to play.

Well my psychiatrist did write I am between autism and AS but Aspergers was the closest match for my diagnoses. In fact I seemed slower than other aspies growing up. I didn't start reading about my interests until I was 10 and it was with weather followed by dinosaurs. It also takes me long as well to type this. I didn't count how many minutes I was working on this, I was ironing my shirt and abandoning this post and then came back to it when I was done. I sometimes have a short attention span and leave the computer in middle of my posting and then come back. Then other times I am thinking hard what to say so I am not on my rambling spree and not leaving anything out or saying irrelevant things.

You guys are probably right. I don't look abnormal now. I was making myself look like Sid from Flushed Away which is abnormal in itself. I look like a real person now, and I'm liking it. I think that I'll be changing my profile back to AS. My reality had hit me like a bunch of bricks. I just look really young for my age, and a lot of people look young for their age. I think that I look quite charming, to tell you the truith, and I plan to go into work without a hat on, to see what people say. I don't look abnormal, I look like a Cockney. I'd rather look like a Cockney than look like a rat. I can look like a Cockney with out the studded cap. I don't need to wear a hat all the time. I looked abnormal when I was making myself look like Sid. Hiding my lips and spiking my hair up. I think it's quite charming that my sensitive nature shows up in my face.

I'm diagnosed as AS, and i match a lot of what you say makes you HFA. I don't think there is a very clear dividing line with a lot of people on this stuff. I got good grades in ELEMENTARY school, but once things got complicated in Middle and High School i had TONS of trouble. Failed some classes, barely passed some, had no organizational skills at all, pretty much gave up in high school and just did what i needed to to get by because it was all just too much, all of this while i was considered "gifted." My first grade teacher even thought i was "slow"(although, that was mostly related to my limited peer interaction, lack of eye contact, and not talking much), and at first i was a little bit slow to learn to read(despite being an early talker). Now i'm going to community college because there's no way i'd get into a university with my horrible Highschool grades(well, was going, and plan to next semester.. i kept forgetting to register for classes this semester), and the first semester i made dean's list. But, after that i ended up doing bad again, so i slowed it down to ownly taking two classes at a time and it worked out a bit better... I've already failed a writing class at college(funny, considering i scored in the 99th percentile on the grammar, spelling, etc. test they use to place you). So i really suck at school unless i can take it really slow. I don't look like an overgrown child(i've got lots of piercings and stuff, so at first i think a lot of people think i'm a kind of "normal" "alternative" type when they first see me), but i can certainly act like it. You should see me when someone leaves an interesting toy that spins or makes noises or something where i work, lol. In fact, it seems like everyone at work treats me like a kid because it takes me so long to understand things that are happening. I think that if someone isn't around me much i probably give a decent impression of being a "grown-up" because i try my best to be polite and nice to people(and i try to show that i care, to the best of my ability, even though i can't interpret most peoples' feelings), and i'm kind of the "stiff" type as far as my movements and everything go, so i seem to have control of myself. But i think if people are around me much, it probably becomes apparent that i'm still basically a 21-year-old child. And i still overreact to things a lot. If i'm starting to get stressed, but nothing has really been bad enough to really set me off, i have a sort of "rain man" mode i go into where i sway back and forth more than usual, kind of go blank, respond with mostly one word answers(and often turns into a repetitive "yeah... yeah... yeah..." kind of thing), and just sort of disconnect more than usual. If something really gets to me, that's when i way hit something or yell, start crying and have a hard time talking coherently, or somethign like that, depending on the situation. It takes me 20 minutes or so to type a lot of messages here too(at least that much for this message). Not because i'm checking grammar, but because i'm just trying to figure out the best way to express something and organize my thoughts. And i kind of go back and forth between putting a lot of thought into what i'm going to say, and not thinking AT ALL. For example, whenever i'm about to do something or go somewhere, i usually think of ideas of things to say or conversations to have(and then i end up having the same conversations over and over again, a lot of the time), but then when i get started on something and start to feel comfortable with who i'm talking to, i start to blurt out whatever comes to mind. Plus, i have a tendency to ramble on and on, especially when i'm talking about myself or something of interest, can you tell? haha. Sometimes it works out and people think i'm funny, and other times it ends up not working out as well and it gets awkward and weird. I also kind of go back and forth between using very good grammar when i speak and speaking in fragments and being a little hard to understand. But, anyway, i'm rambling. I think you have more in common with a lot of aspies than you might think. I can relate to a lot of what you said, and i think that you and i would get along well in real life. I wear hats whenever possible too(in fact, when away from work i often tend to dress like a punky/gothy pre-teen boy, haha).

To make things even more interesting, I've taken an online IQ test that was very accurate, and I've scored an IQ of 139. I'm beginning to wonder if that test was accurate at all, or if there is such a thing as a dumb genius.