"people-pleaser" and/or "approval junkie"

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I am both. Compulsively. Mixing those traits with AS is a really toxic formula, since we are much less likely to please the NT majority and gain their approval, no matter how hard we try. And we mess up accidentally so often, many times having no idea what we did wrong. I wish I could be more like the lucky Aspies who can say, "Hey, this is me and this is how I feel, and I have a right to be me. My opinions and feelings are just as valid as anyone else's."

One of my favorite (and most difficult to accept) affirmations is along these lines (I have seen many variations): "Others' approval and validation are not necessary in order for me to have self-worth."

Thoughts/comments?

http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2 ... elf-worth/
# Write down 7 minor goals for the week and tick one off each day as you achieve it.
# Read a book a month. Reading a book is actually an achievement in this technology and media driven world and reading a full book is a great way to achieve a sense of accomplishment.
# At the end of each day before falling asleep write down something you feel proud about, either on the day or in the past.
# Tell someone else how much you appreciate them, being able to be open and honest is great for self worth.
# Say no! Learn the skill of saying no without offending the person asking.
# Everything you do, do to the best of your ability even if it cleaning the toilets or something equally as mundane, develop a reputation as someone who takes pride in their work.
# Walk tall and proud. walk as if you’ve got somewhere to go and you need to be there now, never run just walk tall and quickly.
# Dress as smart as you can for each occasion, whether it be work, meeting a friend, or going for an interview. Take pride in your appearance.
# Do something for yourself every day.
# Learn a new skill or take up something you’ve always wanted to and stick with it.
# Speak up for yourself in every area of your life, this might be hard to do at first but the first time you do it will be immense and if you carry on your self esteem and feelings of self worth will soar.
# Sing at the top of your voice, not outside but in the house and really give it loads (I love singing Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at the top of my voice, ah! such a good feeling.)
# Forgive yourself! (You know what I mean)
# Get rid of the people who are dragging you down (I don’t mean kill them, I mean just stop having them in your life.)
# Work on your strengths. A lot of people focus on building up their weaknesses, instead get better at what you are good at.
# Take a walk in the rain………..Why?………..because you have the power to decide!
# Listen to other people and what they are saying.
# Reward your successes. As soon as you achieve something reward yourself.
# Never let anyone force you to break your core values.
# Stop the gossiping!
# Don’t read a newspaper for a week and gauge how you feel about yourself and the world around you.
# Help other people who need it.
# Always, Always, Always be honest with yourself and others. There is no need for lies and the energy it takes to continue a lie is unbelievable.
# Take a chance and take a risk or two. You don’t have long to live so just get up and do it.
# Listen to your self talk and slap the little person criticising you, I mean it, imagine there are two people one on each shoulder, the one who criticises you give them a slap or a punch in the mouth and start to pay attention to the one who is praising you.
# Don’t be afraid to accept help from other people, it means they respect you enough to help you with something.
# Start changing your thinking to be more optimistic about yourself, instead of ‘…I can’t do that….’ say ‘..I’ve never tried it, but I’ll give it a go…’
# Face your fears. Nothing will send your self esteem soaring more so than facing your fears and eventually conquering them.
# Always leave comments on a blog you like

I don't really do stuff especially to please people (not on purpose anyhow). It's more that I sometimes have trouble saying "No". Example: last weekend I once more bumped into two Jehovah's Witnesses of the "door-to-door" type, who were very familiar to me. I don't admire their religion (sorry, don't wish to offend anyone), and the only reason why they are so familiar to me is that every time I meet them they ask really politely if I want to make yet another appointment to talk about their faith. They're such awfully nice people, and I just can't say I don't want to see them again. So, I'm sort of stuck with them now. Help!

2 missonaries from the church of latter day saints (apparently they send missionaries here for 2 year periods) bumped into me at a train station once. They asked me if I wanted to hear about their religion
I explained politely that I had no plans to convert. They left me alone.

A different guy from the Church of Latter Day Saints tried to get me to make an appointment to talk about the Church. I told him I would take the brochure and think about it. I never called him back.

It is hard to say no to nice people.

I am a total approval junkie. I always need someone to tell me I did a good job in order to feel good about the things I do. That's why it absolutely crushes me when I know I've done something wrong, or when someone criticizes me. I really wish I could be more self-confident... Speaking of which, thanks for the tips tweety_fan!

While part of me has no interest in others approval it is a useful tool in letting me Know I did the right thing in their estimation so in that way it is addicting. I certainly do not receive or give compliments well though.