Do you hide who you truly are at first?

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Looking back on past behavior issues I noticed I didn't have these bad behaviors at first. Usually I start out quite and keep to myself and slowly come out of my shell and end up having bad behavior in some form (from things I've mention in other topics here) So sadly now I'm debating if/when I get another job to A) be myself which from past experiences=bad behavior or B) hid who I truly am (but at the cost of you not seeing the "real" me So I ask the question do you hide who you truly are at first (this could be school/job/relationship or whatever) and how has showing your "true self" worked out for you?

Nope! I HATE "fake" people. People either love me or hate me. People either find me intreging or annyoing. I'm not changing myself for anyone.

I only know one way to be, and that's evidently me.

Have been told that kind of thing happens.
It seems to be less of an active concealing and more of a remaining behind a door and peeking out more and more over time while evaluating how safe it is to became vulnerable how much with these people.


In the end pretty well. Have surprised some folks with how sort of un-straight-laced the core person inside the shell can be.

Yes sir!
At first I am very timid and shy... Because I am afraid of acting like myself, which is really a normal, intelligent person... But then I get TOO comfortable and start acting in a manner that people tell me is "weird", and later, when I reflect on how I behave, I feel bad.... Because it IS weird, but I don't know how to act, really, so I start babbling on....

I used to pretend to be The Perfect Gentleman Mr. Growedup:
Dressing in full suit, wearing black leather shooze,
smoking dark clove cigarettes in the holder thing,
wearing a gold ring, driving a made-up car to look fancy,
acting basically like my grandfather, many thought
I was "way too old fashioned for my age".

Another 10 years pass and I cracked.

Now I wear my Pooh and Tigger again, play with
my Hotwheels and Legos and doing what makes
me happy so long as I don't interfere with anyone
else's lives or hurt anyone, and its much better.

I'm usually shy when I first meet people and then I open up when I get more comfortable.
Lot of people like my honesty and directness, I make everyone laugh. While lot of aspies here get crap for what they say, I get the opposite. But my husband always tells me "Hon that's not socially appropriate" and he also tells me to not say this or that to someone. Like the time we were bring a bonsai plant to my aunt and uncle as an early Christmas gift, I said it was cheap and he said "don't say that, we were frugal" then I said the plant was frugal and he told me don't say it was cheap or frugal. You don't say that about gifts you bought for people and told me to not say that to them. I didn't. See, he helps me in social situations by telling me what not to say to people. That's what I love about him.

So with me it seems like, be shy at first and people accept me, open up and people still accept me because they know me better and can see I am "innocent" and very honest.

I am always myself. I talk more once I've spent time around someone, but that's nothing to do with "opening up" and "being myself"; it's because I've observed them enough to figure out things to say to them.

Im not hiding anything...all they have to do is ASK.If they ask, I will say, if not, then I wont say...People just need to ask

I am always myself, and this seems to work out most of the time. Then again, I travel relatively eccentric circles (professionally in IT, personally in the folk music and dance subculture).

That's very true for me as well.


I often get the same from my wife (though about different things than you, I believe). She is sometimes afraid I'm going to slip up and say the wrong things in a social context. I'm getting better at the whole thing, but sometimes I will still make a minor-ish error.

So with me it seems like, be shy at first and people accept me, open up and people still accept me because they know me better and can see I am "innocent" and very honest.[/quote]

I have always been amused that for most long-term jobs I had, the folks say "you were such a quiet person when you came here--we really changed you". I've always been reserved when I'm sort of scoping out the situation, trying to understand the dynamics at work, and trying to learn a new job at the same time. Over time, as I become more comfortable with everything and everyone, I guess I get less reserved. It is just what happens and I'm at peace with it. If others call it acting fake, well, tough.

yes, although not intentionally but subconciously, I take a while to be comfortable around people

Not at first, always, and it has made me perfectly miserable. I believe you should be yourself in the beginning, that way you ensure people are liking you for who you really are and not for who you are pretending to be.

I just about always hide who I really am. I'm always so scared I'll be ridiculed.

let me clarify, most NT people are not acting like they normally would when they first meet others. they are on their best behavior. they are more engaged in social monitoring, watching for nonverbal and verbal cues from others. Many asd folks do not do this when first meeting others. they may even launch into a dissertation on their favorite topic.

so - if you want to blend and "act NT" - hold back and be more reserved, cautious, and careful at first. If you quickly want to sort through who will be accepting of you as you are... go in guns blazing! My psych friends and i call this the "social grenade method" throw in the social grenades, see who is left standing around, good chance they may get along with you as you are:)

This saves a lot of time and frustration on everyone's part.