Do people put words in your mouth?

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deletedddd.

The problem here, as I see it, is the commonly held belief, "When you shoot an arrow of truth, first dip its point in honey." She's used to people who are not so blunt. The average person, it seems to me, would accuse someone of being a liar with the words you used. She needs to understand that if you're going to call her a liar, that's what you're going to say: "You're a liar." or "You lied."

Ah, once again, "social graces" cause misunderstandings rather than bringing people together.

"I feel lied to" and "You lied to me" are the same thing to some people.
They both sound the same to me but different wording, "I feel lied to" is a nicer way of calling someone a liar. I use this phrase when I think someone lied to me but I am not sure if I should directly call them a liar because they could have a logical explanation why they didn't keep their word and I don't want to say flat out "You're a liar, you lied to me."
But saying you feel lied to can mean you feel like the person lied to you even though you know there could be a explanation on why they didn't keep their word. Same thing you see.

You did say she lied to you about not leaving the team so I assume you meant to call her a liar flat out by using different wording and you didn't like she took it the right way because you didn't want her to know that you were calling her a liar?

"You're a liar" means the same to me I described above. People are liars when they lie, even if it was over one thing. It makes them a liar for that.


This misunderstanding was over semantics, not over putting words in your mouth.

I'd say people read into things I say more than they should, so yeah. When I say something, I say exactly that, literally, and only that. People can't seem to grasp the fact that some of us are literal creatures.

It doesn't happen outside of the 'net much though, as the people I've spoken to take it how I mean it.

Both online and in real-life. Online, people tend to make presumptions when I am being literal; in person, they interrupt thinking they know what I am going to say. Have realized that I speak in two halves, exposition and action, which makes conversations difficult if I am trying to establish the first part and keep getting interrupted or dealing with misconceptions.


M.

Yes, it bothers me very much when I say something and it is interpreted as meaning not only that thing but other things.

Saying that you felt like you were lied to is not the same as saying that someone is "a liar", which is only true about someone if they lie often.

Did you explain to her that you don't think of her as a liar, and that this is an isolated case where you feel lied to?
The thing is that people search for meaning in everything to gather as much info as possible for an accurate view of the world.. and one of the potential meanings of "you lied" is "you are a liar", so it has to be specified what you DON'T mean when there are potential meanings like that stuck to the things you say.

now you are on the defensive and she doesn't have to explain her behavior. She got you caught up in the difference between saying she lied and that she is a liar. Meanwhile, she lied, and is unapologetic about it. My feeling is that she is not interested in intimacy, i.e. being truthful about feelings and behaviors with another person. Therefore she put you on the defensive to get out of having to look honestly about her behavior. And that is playing a game, and people who respond this way don't generally change until they think it will benefit them as a human being to become more honest (which could be decades away). So you probably have to accept her limitations as a person (I think of this as typical NT behavior, cynic that I am) or end the friendship before it drives you nuts.