Mesmerised by beauty

Post Reply New Topic

I have moments, where I am so enraptured by the beauty of something, that it seems my basic common sense or that loud but insistent inner voice developed over a number of years, fails to kick in. Mesmerising beauty, it seems has the power to hurt me, badly. It also is the only thing that has the power to make me cry like a baby.

It is the only time, that I am not hyper-vigilant, suspicious, wary.

The dark of the Australian bush shrouded in moonlight, is enough for me to want to run barefoot and naked through the undergrowth, relying on my animal instincts, howling at the moon.

The majesty and power of a full grown African male lion running full speed straight at me, is enough for me to imagine kneeling in supplication, completely enamored with its beauty. To the point that I would be honoured to be eaten by it. Better than being hit by a bus.

I have often stood over waterfalls and without realising how far I am leaning over the edge of it, I am pulled back by my fiance. He says it is like all reason has left me, and I cannot hear anything but the thunderous sound of water, falling.

I do not have a death wish. I have no interest in jumping out of a plane, or bungee jumping or even driving a car. Shopping centres are generally terrifying, and people more so......

But beauty, well it seduces me beyond what I can describe.......It is also strange, by others comparisons, what I find beautiful. I remember seeing a man who seemed without a home. He was unclean and unkept with long, dirty hair, sitting on a milk crate and smoking a cigarette. But his face....was beautiful. I became so enraptured that I wandered off to talk to him. I found out later from my son that my partner had asked him where I was and my son said "Over there, smoking a cigarette with that homeless guy. Typical mum."

I like those moments.......they don't come often enough.

Mics

Yes, I totally get this atavistic awe you can feel in your gut or your solar plexus. It doesn't have to be anything extraordinary either. Sometimes the shadow of a cloud moving on a sunlit hill will transport me. I feel sorry for people who don't notice. I saw an old man once, years ago. He was dark as mahogany with snow white hair and crystal blues eyes. They weren't cataracts so I don't know how that combination came to be. I was thinking, that's what an angel would look like and as I passed him he said "Hi, beautiful". I'll always remember that little moment.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbj3GB6KGvI[/youtube]

I loved that in the film. Simpson's made fun of it but I thought it was one of those moments.

Yes, beauty has in intense mesmerizing effect on me too. Slightly less dangerous, though. But I recognize the ecstatic, trance-like state you describe - it's the only time my minds shuts up and I can get some rest and peace without sleeping.

Beauty is my drug of choice

I've wondered about this myself if aspies have a stronger reaction to beauty than NT's do or is it more intense or something. I got in big trouble allowing myself to fall for someone based soley on appearance. My last ex was stunning. I feel like a shallow idiot. I don't know...my horoscope once said "life has to be a beautiful experience for you" something about being a virgo. It's completely impractical when it comes to people though.

That used to happen to me a lot when I was taking a certain recreational drug which is illegal now. I often wondered how on earth psychotropic poisoning (as the pharmacologists would put it) could have such an effect. Could it be that you have an Aspie brain-wiring difference that gives you the same effect?

Against that notion is the fact that your mesmerisations are very specific while mine were almost global (though that doesn't rule out some common cause that manifests itself slightly differently in your case), and the fact that although I have AS, I've only very rarely been mesmerised by visuals to any striking degree now that my narcotic past is behind me (though it's well known that every Aspie has a different mix of the traits).

Just that the experiences you describe are exactly the way I remember I used to be.......I've just spent ten minutes trying to find better words to help explain it, and I can't.

@alana
Interesting. My own reaction to human beauty is totally detached from my sexual or personal feelings. I can admire a beautiful man or woman just as I would a painting - I have no desire to approach or find out more about them.

Thank you.

It's Hokusai about a traditional Japanese ghost story - Okiku, the ghost in the well.

Yes I can get totally absorbed in beauty. It can be odd things like rubbing my thumb on an iPod screen or staring at a very textured and beautiful piece of fabric. Or watching the reflection of the moon in the ocean. Or my cat's eyelashes. Or a pattern of mud. Just about anything.

I rennet when I was 15. I was walking with a friend at night. I happenened to notice a tree (bare, it was winter) the way the moonlight siloutted the branches totally captivated me. My friend was baffeled as to why I would not move. Eventually we walked on. A few moments later a man grabbed hold of me and dragged me back about 10 yards to where the tree was. Apparently some kids had been trying to break into his car. He had noticed me standing near the tree (which was near his car). He laughed when I told him I had not touched his car, I had been looking at the moonlight behind the tree. The next thing I remember is being on the ground with him kicking me in the head. I have never been too aware of myself and the effect I have on my environment.

I get captivated by all kinds of things. Favourites are the sound of rain on a window/roof. The sound of the sea, I also love watching waves especially in a storm. I grew up near the sea and would regularly walk out of school to go down to the sea and watch the waves.

I rennet when I was 15. I was walking with a friend at night. I happenened to notice a tree (bare, it was winter) the way the moonlight siloutted the branches totally captivated me. My friend was baffeled as to why I would not move. Eventually we walked on. A few moments later a man grabbed hold of me and dragged me back about 10 yards to where the tree was. Apparently some kids had been trying to break into his car. He had noticed me standing near the tree (which was near his car). He laughed when I told him I had not touched his car, I had been looking at the moonlight behind the tree. The next thing I remember is being on the ground with him kicking me in the head. I have never been too aware of myself and the effect I have on my environment.

I get captivated by all kinds of things. Favourites are the sound of rain on a window/roof. The sound of the sea, I also love watching waves especially in a storm. I grew up near the sea and would regularly walk out of school to go down to the sea and watch the waves.