Getting weird ideas

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I'm getting more and more in my own world.
I feel like I don't have a personality, I'm just an actor. I also just feel like I'm plain crazy, way more then just a autist. I don't feel like an Autist. I feel special. Its very difficult to explain this.

When I was a little kid I have learned myself to read and to calculate. I also could speak 2 languages: French and Dutch. I could skip first year of primary school, and directly go to second year of primary school. When I grew up 9-10-11-12 year old, my mother always told me that I must be a psychologist. Because I understood people so well.
Then secondary school started. After 2th year of secondary school I was degraded to TSO.
In Belgium we have ASO: Theory subjects TSO: Theory/practical mix BSO: Practical subjects.

I doubled in Commerce TSO then I started touristic TSO and I failed it too.
In commerce TSO I just could nog give a s**t, and in touristic TSO I was in a way too fun class, used drugs, way to funny so I didn't looked at the teachers and the whole class only did what they want.
Then I started to think I have concentration/motivation/executive problems.
I started to tell my school I have concentration problems.
Then they let me do an IQ test: I scored 82. Everybody was shocked, but the most shocked was me. I didn't care about life anymore. Everybody told me I was smart, I had common sense, etc. I started to think I'm stupid and I just copy everything, and that I maybe have a genius memory.
On the concentration test I failed every part of it. Very low below. I could not care about that.
The IQ problem was a little while forgotten by me (until now).


Then I tried to get back my life, and make a goal. And now this time with the Ritalin.
Everything was going smooth, I did 3 TSO commerce again. I have very good grades without studying. People in my class now I doubled, but they still told I me I was very smart and had alot of common sense about the world.

But now I'm starting to really think I'm just an ret*d who is a good actor with a good memory.
I just can't get of my head that I have an IQ of 82. I don't want to hear "IQ is nothing, its just test how good you are at taking the IQ test".

I hope somebody can give me hope I really feel like dying.

You have a great personality. Don't let it get you down.

Thank you for your very honest post.

You're welcome.

2 things:

First: IQ has nothing, in my opinion, to do with how smart you are; some of the stupidest people I know have the highest IQs.

Second: An IQ test is far from perfect. They were invented by less-than-perfect people and are administered by more less-than-perfect people. Just because some test says you have an IQ of 82, it doesn't mean you're stupid and it certainly doesn't mean that all you [can] do it copy or all you have is a great memory. Besides, I've had similar experiences with IQ tests. I've had 4 inside of 11 years: the first two put me under 85, the 3rd, under 100, and the most recent around 130; again, IQ tests are not perfect.

I'm sick of hearing that too. I have an IQ of above 90 but my memory problems and my comprehension of advanced texts is poor. I did have two learning disorders at school, so I can sort of understand it but I'm sure that my LD's are reflected in my IQ.
Don't get down about it. Don't start to think you're stupid because you'll believe it and just give up. I got told I was stupid, vague, weird, slow and lethargic in school and I believed it. But these days I learn a lot more than other people because I want to.
If you got low in concentration did you get diagnosed with ADD? I suppose you did if you got on ritalin. I'm going on it in a month to help with concentration/motivation/memory/sleep. Well I hope it improves me somewhat.

It's so easy to fall into a 'I'm stupid, worthless and the world will be better off without me' mindset. I've been there many times, especially because I share a lot in common with AS and ADHD but still seem to have a lot more neurological problems than them.
I suppose I ignore it. Having a high IQ isn't everything. My strength is that even though I have executive dysfunction I can get passed it, because I hate having the feeling that I'm lazy. When I set my mind to do something I do it. I may have what I call 'holes in my long term memory' but I just read over the same thing again and again.
I still live at home and don't drive so I can't even buy my own food, but I'm still not letting that get me down.
I kind of don't understand other people well, so I guess what works for me may or may not work for you. Hopefully I helped and I'm sorry if I didn't.