Do people who seem different ...

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10 May 2010, 5:36 am

... sometimes have fewer allowances made for them?

What prompted this question was one of my music students. He's almost 11, has HFA, and is one of the nicest children you'd ever meet. The receptionist and owner at my work don't know that he's autistic (I think he's shy about it, and out of respect for his privacy I haven't told them), but they have noticed that he's different, and remarked upon it many, many times.

A few weeks back, he did something that while it was annoying, was not a major crime, and wasn't really anything out of the ordinary for a 10-year-old boy. Most children would have got away with a mild telling-off. However, the owner of my work seriously overreacted to him doing it. He didn't say anything to his face (thankfully; as yelling just scares and bewilders this boy: he needs things explained), but he was ranting to me about how if he ever did that again, he wouldn't be welcome in the building, etc etc etc.

I've had the experience, and read about others on the board having the same experience, of getting told off for things that everyone else around me is perfectly allowed to do.

If someone doesn't quite fit into the social context, is more expected of them in some ways?

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ToughDiamond
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10 May 2010, 6:04 am

I think society just dislikes in general anybody who is different, so yes, those who are different wouldn't get the same allowances made for them. Society likes a freak show as long as the freaks are safely in a cage for their entertainment (e.g. a TV set), but they don't want the buggers moving in next door. Why? Because different equals unpredictable equals dangerous. At least I suppose that's why.

TheDoctor82
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10 May 2010, 6:28 am

funny enough, it works like this:

more is expected, but it's still not accepted!

No matter how much more is given by the different person, it'll be totally looked over, just cause they're different.

You can hear "don't judge a book by its cover" all ya want; most just say they believe it...but they don't.

ruveyn
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10 May 2010, 8:15 am

ToughDiamond wrote:

I am a child of the 1940s. In my young days "weirdness" was not very well tolerated. Also lack of athletic prowess was scorned and held in contempt. Being an Aspie, I had, as you might imagine, an "interesting" childhood and young adolescence.

Among other things I was loathed and despised for being smarter than just about everyone I knew or was among.

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wendigopsychosis
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10 May 2010, 8:26 am

I've definitely encountered this problem...
When I was a kid I assumed everyone hated me, because when other more social kids would talk during class the teacher didn't seem to care, but if I acted out I was always instantly in trouble. I would do the cliche "but teeeeacher, so-and-so is talking tooooo" thing, of course, which just made things worse.

Personally, I don't care who's doing something annoying. If it's a "normal" person being obnoxious it makes me just as angry as someone slightly strange. If anything, it annoys me more, because I expect people who are well adjusted to stay that way, and someone a little off I expect it of them lol. Perhaps this bias is just as bad...

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musicislife
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10 May 2010, 10:45 am

wendigopsychosis wrote:

Same here!

People who are different are expected to become normal, so if we do anything even slightly out of the ordinary, or even something that would be relatively ordinary if we were "normal," we run the all-too-common risk of being reprimanded for it.

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CockneyRebel
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10 May 2010, 11:13 am

Society sucks.

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Willard
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10 May 2010, 12:53 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

If someone doesn't quite fit into the social context, is more expected of them in some ways?

I don't think it has anything to do with more being expected of us. I think the oddball is just the most convenient whipping boy. We're already viewed with suspicion because our general behavior is somewhat unpredictable, so it's much easier to jump on us when we do anything genuinely annoying, screaming "G*dd*mmit, I knew there was something I didn't like about you!"

Whereas, if another NT does the same, they can shrug it off with "AaAaaAAaHhHh - you rascal you!" :roll:

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10 May 2010, 1:41 pm

ruveyn wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

that actually doesn't surprise me, as that time in history was a period of severe, severe conformity. It was so bad, that even my Grandpa somehow managed to "whip himself" into pretending to be normal. It's actually one of those things about that generation I have major issues with.

CockneyRebel
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10 May 2010, 1:43 pm

I always get in trouble, while everybody else gets away with murder. Why do I end up getting in trouble, if I'm the good guy, and they're the troublemakers?

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TheDoctor82
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10 May 2010, 1:46 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:

I always get in trouble, while everybody else gets away with murder. Why do I end up getting in trouble, if I'm the good guy, and they're the troublemakers?

because the reality is they sympathize with the troublemakers, since those troublemakers are "normal", and you're not.

They'll never admit it, but it's the truth.

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