Explaining sensory issues to unreceptive family...

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I have ADHD but was never diagnosed with any sensory issues separately--but I have a lot of tactile sensitivities. (I also jump big time at really loud, sudden sounds, but that doesn't cause me so much difficulty.) To this day my parents STILL try to make me feel like a freak when I flinch at an unexpected or too-soft touch. "NORMAL people don't react like that." Or that some stuff "doesn't hurt" when it absolutely does hurt. (NOT abuse, mind you...playful stuff that a lot of other people are OK with, but it's tough.) Even with something like a hug--which when it's firm enough is usually pleasant--I dunno...sometimes I am OK with it, sometimes I just don't want to.

I think that avoiding mentioning the possibility of any additional diagnoses than what they already know about (namely the ADHD) would be wise...but does anyone know how I could explain this without getting the "you're a freak" or "tough, live with it" type responses?

(I DID once manage to get through that I don't like really soft touch...and at least some of the stuff like tickling or too-light massages that feel to me like a tickle stopped. But still, I just don't know how to explain and get my point across without it being blown off or being told to "woman up," in so many words?)

I saw references in my search to the fact that ADHD can come with sensory issues...can any other people (including both those who do and do NOT have an AS diagnosis) confirm this?

It is frustrating when those closest to you are the ones phoo-phooing you.

I sometimes have to deal with this with my family. It will often help if I have some concise information written by a professional (such as an Occupational Therapist) which explains sensory difficulties.

It would be nice if family/close friends would just listen to you (after all -you are the best source of information on what makes yoiu uncomfortable). However, some people need to hear the words from someone with credentials of some sort before they take it seriously.

Hm...possibly, but I know what happened the time I tried to tell them I am a synesthete, and I learned that going outside of the "bounds" of what they already know does NOT go over well. I have not and will not ever mention that again where they can find out.

Is there any proof, perhaps, that such issues link up with ADHD? They accept THAT diagnosis just fine (thank God, because as negative as this post sounds, I give them TREMENDOUS credit for helping and encouraging me where my teachers refused).

I am a also a synesthete and even have it "diagnosed" by neurologists and other experts on various occasions and consequently have sensitivities and a mental build that unfortunately isn't considered worth of accommodating,certainly not by my family or by my "friends", I think it's because families rely heavily on the familiarity allusion ( "we know u because we r your family" is just one the many examples of a senseless NT logic),My behaviors and sensitivity are of course very hard to ignore but most of the time people who pretend to love me and care for me find them amusing or some kind of a freak act or a talent to be displayed.
Over the years i came to understand that if i want to survive i have no choice but to stay away from my family as much as i could,
It is very hard and very sad,
I really wish thongs could be different.

if you want you can show them a poem I wrote describing how sensory issues feel to me here the link to it (its on a creative writing sharing site)

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2785820/1/Sensory_Overload

Well, if there's one thing I'm sure of, I know my parents do not fake loving me. So, cutting them off is the LAST thing I want to do.

I have ADHD and have some sensory issues, nothing disabling but occasionally awkward. I didn't know they could be connected. I'd been told that my sensory stuff could be from being born very prematurely, which I was. I guess it doesn't matter how I got this way, just what I do now.

I'm really sorry your family acts that way. It boggles the mind that such simple stuff would cause any kind of reaction beyond maybe mild amusement. I jump at loud sounds and usually kind of laugh it off and so do the people around me. Maybe my sister said something rude now and again when we were kids, but that's her job as my sibling. I'd just call her horseface or something back, and life would go on.

My husband is great. When I don't want to be touched I just tell him. He likes to always hug me hello and goodbye and stuff, but sometimes if I'm upset about something I just can't tolerate it. I tell him that it's nothing to do with him, I love him, he's wonderful, but touch feels bad to me at the moment, and usually he's OK. Sometimes he'll give me a quick hug anyway because he really needs it but doesn't mind that I then give him the stinkeye for doing it.

I guess we deal with it by talking about it. It's not something that happens all the time, except the unexpected noise thing, that gets me every time.

If your family is resorting to name calling over something so incidental, I'm guessing talking isn't going to matter much to them. You can pick your friends, but family, well what can you do?

So, it sounds like they are worth keeping around for other reasons. That's good.

Do you think they are just trying to use "tough love" to help you? Is their teasing more good natured than it sounds? Some people will call each other nasty names affectionately, which makes no sense to me, but people do it.

I think maybe they THINK they're helping, but I don't think they really understand that what I feel is different and more intense than what most people do. As far as they're concerned the only solution is to fake at all times like it doesn't bother me.

Sometimes it's good-natured, but sometimes it is very much NOT. (BTW, to clarify, they don't call ME names...they call out the behavior as freakish or not normal. That's a critical distinction, but it still makes me feel bad.)

This is exactly my experience too, especially around foods. I am a VERY picky eater, though I have never fit the typical picky eater mold. The smell, texture and taste of most cooked vegetables makes me feel nauseous and gag. If I don't like how something looks or smells, I won't eat it. If something tastes differently from how I thought it was going to taste, I am extremely disappointed and will refuse to eat it, usually losing my appetite. My poor mother has felt personally rejected for years when I have refused to eat her cooking (which I KNOW is excellent - I just don't feel the same way about it!)

Fortunately, referring my mom to reading about "gustatory sensitivity" since I learned about it has helped!

I think there's an element of their feeling personally rejected, at times when I don't want their touch.

That was my experience too.
Lot's of the NT-AS conflicts stem from them unable to get our sense of space,
I accept other people borders without taking offense as i truly believe that this is one of the most basic rights of any human being and to respect another person bounderies is the true way to know him and love and support him in a way which help him grow to be a good 'happy person,
But most NT doesn't get that,
It as if u do not let them rape you then u don't really love them.

As said before...I do not believe there is any malice involved here (and rape is a malicious act).

And that is an interesting observation about boundaries--I tend not to inquire too much into others' lives until a rapport has been established. Now I do not have AS, but I AM quite introverted, and I know I don't like others prying into my own affairs until I feel ready to share. To me it's respect. To my mom it's like I failed to get all the juicy stuff.

What I want most of all is a way to explain without hurting their feelings. I'm interested both in not being poked fun of, and helping them not to feel offended, too.

Well,Stepping over your boundaries with out your consent is a rape in my dictionary,it is not considered malicious because it is the norm,
u (and me) r introvert relative to the norm,to our self we r normal,
the difference is that while we are capable of respecting other people most people find such respect unnecessary, boring and even offensive,
Since the sense of borders touches the most existential and fundamental aspects of our life (love,beauty, justice,passion...) the easy way out u seek doesn't exist/

BTW
my take on those thing is much more harsher than yours because i'm "autistic",
Which means my introversion differ from the norm to the extent it ,and i ,are considered diseased by the so called pros,
But that public forum for you,
U get various angles from all sort of people so u can synthesize what ever fits your personal needs.

Hm...I have a very hard time finding malice where there is no understanding. Just as I don't want others to label me as malicious when I do something out of a lack of understanding, I am reluctant to do that to others.

Why ?
Are u a saint ?
None of us is perfect and our malice stem from ignorance ,
I didn't say your family or your or me shouldn't be excused and forgiven,
We should, because we do not know better,
I do not hate my family,I love them and went to great length and pains trying to explain my situation which to be honest is beyond my control(synesthesia and AS is in my wiring )
My take on the matter is not about labeling or judging other people but more of a pragmatic nature,
Had to split because my reality could never be understood by them and it turned out that my mere existence is an offence to them which was too much for me to take because i am definitely not a bad person
Had to split because i didn't want to offense them any more and i didn't want people tip toeing around me because i'm "too sensitive"
It came to a point where i didn't care how i was labeled,
just couldn't take it any more,
Hope u can fare a little better.