What's the point of friends?

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My 12 year old son keeps asking what the point of friends is. He came home the other day telling me he had asked people in school and gotten the obvious blank stares...

I have a lot of answers, but I thought I'll let the crowd come in with ideas.

So. What do you think? What's the point in having friends?

Ummmmmmmmmm, I'll get back to you on this one because right now I'm stuck for an answer.

Vanilla_Slice

I have no idea. I don't have any really (except for people I've met here )and one rl guy who just hasn't ever gone away though I've made no effort to maintain our friendship in 16 years. I don't know why he insists on being my friend. I give him nothing and often find him annoying, though there are things about him that are endearing.

I don't have a good answer to this question, though some people have said that NT's are reinvigorated or somehow feel better after social interaction - maybe that has something to do with the concept of having friends. Having a friend has always made me feel worse and led me to wanting to get away from them.

Well well well. A good part of friends in adulthood is "connections" My Nanny got a job due to my sister suggesting to a coworker FRIEND that they interview her GOT THE JOB! My brother in-law got his job through someone LOOKING for a worker. I KNOW if it wasn't for these friends my Nanny & Brother in-law wouldn't have the jobs they have. Sometimes it's who you know. Also he's only 12 so he's still young but I could imagine no prom date and no girlfriend etc. could lead to teasing or him feeling bad X guy friend is dating and not me. A girlfriend should start as a friend with common interest (and other such things) but if you never start a friendship with a girl you will not develop a relationship. I sometimes understand your sons point though. As an Aspie college bound IMO WHY BOTHER I want to focus on my studies not hang out with friends and such. (I know from posting on WP and my past college experience NO ONE will be as interested in Psychology or learning as much as I am and that's something I'll have to accept.) I don't understand the whole social circle friends who skip class work etc. I rather focus on studies than hang out with a friend.

There is two options you can choose.
1: To be happy, and not live in isolation
or, my choice 2: To establish a connection between two people, and develop it for something beneficial.
of course my option is rather blunt.

I'm not sure for a kid but in adulthood it's connections and to have help when you are hurt, sick, your car breaks etc. When I think back on being a kid I wanted someone to sharte my interests but no one really did.

I've asked myself that exact question MANY times over the course of my life, and it usually happens when I've either tried to make a friend but it didn't work out or someone--like a parent or other authority figure--presses me to "make friends." As a self diagnosed aspie with tons of anecdotal evidence on this subject, I know that it was impossible for me to make friends in school unless the friendship just happened on its own--there were shared interests. I could never, never make friends by just inserting myself into a situation. That would get me lots of trouble. As a now middle-aged female, I look back on some of my attempts to be just friends with people (especially guys) and I cringe. I must have appeared really slu*ty then, or too "friendly" at the very least, but when I was in my teens and twenties I was clueless as to how I appeared to others.

Making friends can be draining for me, and people have taken advantage of me a lot too, in the name of "friendship." Maybe your son is just tired of the bad stuff that happens to him when he tries to be friends with someone. Or maybe he has had a friend who later rejected him, just when he was letting down his defenses. AS are just like NT in the sense that rejection hurts.

Maybe at the moment friends are unnecessary for him, because his family provides his needs. So a practical reason would be that when one becomes an adult one doesn't always have one's family around, and it's important to have other people around who can help you out. But of course it's important to point out that friendship goes both ways, and he'd be expected to help his friends out too, or they won't want to be friends with him.

I think the emotional benefits to friendship are not something that can be explained to someone who hasn't experienced it. If he experiences friends at some point, he would understand more clearly.

For me personally, I like to have people to discuss issues with, to bounce ideas off, to hear other perspectives, to share experiences. I am a very curious person - I like to learn about the world, about other people, about how people's minds work. It's also a safe feeling to have people who care about you. I find friends can motivate me when I have difficulty with self-motivation.

Actually, thinking about it, there is a quotation that once made me see how important friendship is - it gives a good analogy: 'Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.' It's from the Bible, and actually, it was reading that passage that first made me really make an effort to make friends.