For some time I have been trying to make sense of my problems, such as panic attacks, social difficulties, abnormal lack of desire for social relationships etc. After investigating my symptoms and reading some articles, one disorder captured my attention - Asperger's Syndrome - it seems like I might have it.
So here are things which I suspect might be indicating Asperger's:
-I've never been interested in socializing unless it's about things which interest me.
I hate talking to people about things which don't interest me. I played with other children as a kid, but when the socialization part came, I usually got left out.
-I often have an urge to do stupid things for some reason, like jumping around, running, screaming.
-I seem to act in a very weird and stupid way, or that's what I was told by many people. (Most of the people say that I'm acting ret*d, other say that I'm weird)
I sometimes realize that I'm acting in a weird way some time after, after thinking of the situation properly. At least for the most basic situations.
I often talk to people even if they aren't replying - I realize that this behavior was considered weird, but I still keep doing it.
Also, after reading your autism social rule book, I realized that I shouldn't talk to people if they move away from me. I did that before and thought it was completely normal. (Well, I never thought of it, if I thought of it and analyzed everything I would probably realize that this behavior is considered abnormal. I mostly find if something is weird or not by saying the situation in my head - if it sounds weird, I know it is. I have to 'say' behavior in my head to see if it's weird or not)
-I also am unable to have any relationships with women I'm attracted to at all. I don't see any point in going out - it seems to be very dull and uninteresting. Talking to someone who doesn't share any more or less intense interests with you also seems very strange.
-I always had narrow and intense interests. I got interested in astronomy and science in general when I was 4.5-5 years old. I read many books about astronomy, physics and general science when I was that age. Since then, I learned so much about astronomy that it became uninteresting to me, but I became interested in atomic physics and chemistry when I was 13-14. Right now, I usually spend all of my time on computer, learning sociology and math on my own or playing computer games. While on a holiday, I spend 17 hours a day online.
-I sometimes lack empathy. When my very-close relatives are crying, I *often* don't care. I still feel sad when someone I knew dies, though.
-I hate the clothes-scratching sound, it feels very 'painful' (I don't know how to describe this feeling)
-I hate scratching clothes, because it feels very weird also. ('painful'...?)
-I keep daydreaming virtually all the time.
-My classmates tell me I'm completely cut from the outside world - I don't talk to anyone etc. *most* of the time, unless it relates to my interests or saying/doing something stupid because I think it's funny. (People tell me I'm insane after this one)
-I hate when there are lots of noises and stuff moving. I had my first panic attacks when in noisy places, like parties. (I was ~8 year old when I had my first panic attack) I can handle going to a cinema, though. Noises and movements usually block me when they're VERY excessive, like a huge crowd talking all the time.
-I'm very picky about food. I hate eggs, fish, cottage cheese and normal meat. (I still eat bacon, though)
-I always swore at my parents when I was a child (Using very deep insults, very often (m, f, b and other words)). I always thought it was normal, until I learned from other people that it was not. Then, I knew that it was not normal but doing so felt very normal to me still, so I continued doing it.
I usually score between 38 and 44 (~42-44 after rethinking all the questions properly, I find it hard to analyze my behavior) on the AQ (Autism Quotient test).
06 Dec 2010, 2:44 pm
