The aspie viscious cycle?

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I was wondering if there is a well-known term describing this phenomenon. So this phenomenon is when you have trouble making friends when you are small and as a result, you miss out on a lot of learning experiences and you also miss out on common knowledge of the people of your age.

Because of that, you have further trouble making friends because you do not know how to act properly in different situations when it comes to friendship and you pretty much get shunned from certain conversations because you are so lost as to what others are talking about and you don't have much knowledge of the things others are talking about.

So it seems as though we are "at a point of no return" and we are SCREWED when it comes to making friends.

i call it "social lock-out" dunno if there is a more techincal term though.

There's a similar concept my psychology teacher referred to as a "self-fulfilling prophesy."
The example he used was of a teacher who was essentially told that a particular child was a moron, and thus the teacher treated the child like a moron. The kid wasn't given attention (since it seemed it wouldn't be worth it) and he wasn't given homework or reading assignments. The child was therefore incredibly behind his classmates, and of course his grades made him look incompetent, thus reinforcing the idea that he wasn't very bright.
The same can be loosely applied to social interaction. If a kid is forsaken by his peers because he seems odd or unsociable, he will be odd and unsociable because he is isolated. (Because we all know the isolated ones are dubbed "odd" )
Maybe. I don't know.. That's just what I thought..

STORY OF MY LIFE.

Honestly, I just started faking it in 8th grade. I transferred schools after being bullied mercilessly for the first two years of middle school. I "reprogrammed" myself and I actually did make a lot of friends, but there were times when it was obvious that I had missed out on a lot, leading to embarrassment. I've had extreme antisocial periods since then, but I've had a decent amount of socialization since I was teenager. There's still a lot I've missed out on, especially with dating but I just continue to fake it. I don't think I'm convincing all of the time and people who have been close to me definitely know that I put on an act but it works on a superficial level. I figure I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and try to socialize as much as I can, I've learned a lot in the past 10 years.

No, you're not screwed at making friends, and trust me when I say, if you were, I'd be the first to tell you so, because I don't believe it helps anyone to lie to them about how their AS is likely to affect their life

You will have friends, but most of them (the ones who you become close to and hang out with) will mostly be like yourself to some degree - not necessarily with ASDs, but people who are looked upon as 'unique' and 'different' by the bulk of the NT crowd. Over the course of your life, you will probably find yourself gravitating toward folks like that, because frankly, they are more interesting than the normies and have more things to talk about that you can identify with. But keep in mind that people of that nature are the exception, not the rule, meaning there aren't as many of them as there are of the common, boring neuroTYPICALS, so you won't run across them as often, and some you won't have much in common with when you do meet them. So you may never have a huge posse to run with, but the friends you do make will be very dear friends. I know its hard to be patient when you're lonesome and bored, but they are out there and you will meet them.

In the meantime, develop your obsessive special interest hobbies, so you'll have plenty of useless information to exchange when you do make a friend.

Echoing motowndangerpants:

i find that i too am locked out of the dating scene because i was never given the opportunity. i never knew how to talk to women, and i was so afraid the words would come out wrong, or i would get "technical" about sexual relations and screw it all up.

i am so tired of being lonely, i am ashamed to admit it but i am still a virgin. i refused to see the move "The 40 Year Old Virgin" because i knew that was going to be me someday and i found it to be typical NT style fun at the expense of people in that situation.

i even asked for dating advice here once years back, the only advice i got was "hire an escort service"

everything goes so much slower when you have to teach yourself everything and you dont know how to teach yourself because youve never been taught how.

I guess that cycle happens, not always.

I've never been much a socializer, but when I do meet someone I "click" with we get along wonderfully and interacting is very pleasant and easy.

Making the situation out to be a cycle just sounds like an excuse to feel hopeless and sorry for yourself.

I think if someone is confident, nice and genuinely interested in other people they'll find some people they get along with, regardless of how ignorant they are of social norms.

Yep. I've had a decent sex life but I got most of my experience in the last few years and I'm almost 26. I didn't have a serious boyfriend until last year, and I had to fake it with the sex which isn't easy because it was obvious I was inexperienced. I lost my virginity at 17 but I had loooong periods of no sex or intimacy since then. I really think the only reason I skate by a little more easily is because I'm a woman. It's more acceptable for us to be on the receiving end of dating rituals and men are expected to have more of an active role, be more charasmatic, experienced, etc.

i hear that! you ladies have it easy, us men have to the work! to be honest, i wouldnt even know how to go about doing the "deed" i was never into porn, i was a "late bloomer" had to teach myself how to.....and thats a story for the adult issues section.

welcome to the catch 22 called life!

you need credit to get credit (financial)

you need experience to get experience

you need a good job to get a car, you need a good car to get a good job

you need ___________ to get ______________

lol. It's not too hard to figure out.

maybe i think too much, its probably a simple in and out operation

thats how my brain works, find the path with the most steps, make those steps as difficult as possible, arrive at your goal exhausted, turn around and see the easiest path in front of you.

I never wanted a human friend until I was in my late teens.

I did have one between 4-9 and another when I was 13. And two in my early 20's. Now I have one but I just don't think I can do it.

I still don't care for it to be honest. Maybe it's just too stressful to me. I'm sensitive and people can say hurtful things without meaning to. I also hate the 'samey-ness' of most people I meet.

I'm sure it can be a vicious circle like that. You can also get pretty resentful about people being so unfriendly, till you practically hate everybody, but if you need them as well, you're stuck.

But there's no need for it. There are a lot of lonely people out there and many of them would settle for friendship with pretty much anybody who will treat them with a bit of respect and warmth. Just steer clear of homogenous groups and look at the individuals.

I had a small handful of friends when I was yonger and, I was content. Nowdays almost all of them have moved on and, I'm finding it hard to connect with people. Even people I share intrests with. I think it's a trust issue.

Willard

You crack me up with your no holds barred, and usually dead on, assessments...you should collect you posts and do a book.