NT Needs Aspie Advice!

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I have the same experience of wanting to absent myself at social gatherings, which I avoid to the utmost. There is simply too much going on: too many voices and words and other sounds, along with all the sights of clothing and hair and shoes, plus the background visual environment (e.g.: pictures on wall, furniture, objects on shelves), the olfactory environment (most people smell rather strongly to me), and so on.

It's a lot to process. Maybe this analogy helps. Most people when they have a bad headache want to go into a quiet, dark room and rest. Same if they have a hangover, I'm told. Bright light or noise will irritate them, and often exacerbate the headache. Now imagine that that level of functioning is what you can handle on any given day.

There is also the nature of the social interactions at such events to consider. I engage in what a friend yesterday called "information exchanges" and nothing else when I talk to people. I don't dispute his observation, and reminded him that it's part of AS/HFA.

So the desire, urge, and ultimately need to leave, to find a quiet room (bathrooms are sometimes nice), or otherwise get away from the crowd and chaos is just natural for me and many other Aspies.

Sooooooooo...it's all just too much input to process - overwhelming - and the only way to handle it is to not handle it? Hmmmmm.....is it maybe like I'd feel if there were several TV's and radios on in the same place, at the same volume, all on different stations, and I couldn't make sense out of it, but just heard it all jumbled up as just a lot of horrible noise and needed for it to stop? And if that's only the sense of sound, and you're saying it's like that but multiply it by all the senses....oh my goodness!

I think our youngest son and I will have lots to talk about when he arrives for his dad's memorial service. This is the child (he's thirty, now) who, when I drive, I have to keep my fidgeting under control. No having one finger feel a rough edge on the other finger while my hands are on the steering wheel. No moving my hand to, say, scratch my chin. He'll take all that for a little while, and then practically explode. How awful to have to figure out how to cope when no one tells you what's up! No wonder this is called Wrong Planet - that's what it must feel like! Different rules, different expectations, and yet different language so no one can explain it to you. Aarrgghhh!

Interesting you say this. Whether or not he had AS he had a collection of traits that made him not very affectionate or communicative, and this became a problem as it was something you needed from a relationship.

If it's any consolation, I would guess you leaving him didn't cause him much pain, and he may very well have loved you, but he just didn't need the interaction that you needed, the interaction that is probably typical of couples. You can love someone and not need to be with them - does that sound strange? I think staying with him just because he had AS would have been a mistake - you needed more from a relationship.

Have you read Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle"? Is he like the father in that story? You might want to read that, Vonnegut has a way of showing the humanity in all kinds of characters.

exhaustion?



wow. that's an illuminating statement ...

True, in that Aspies navigate by our senses. One must take into account synaesthesia, which is present is most/many (?) of us - - personally, synaesthesia is a major component of my Autism/AS. Although I have the same senses as any other human, of course, my senses are highly attenuated. [Synaesthesia is basically overlapping of senses.] I'd expect most Neurotypicals may find synaesthesia confounding but imagine that when an electron falls from a higher/excited electron shell to a lower more entropically favored state then it emits energy in the form of light, sound, or heat. (Lab Pet is firstly a chemist; hence explanation style). So, then, by reason: One certainly can 'hear' light or 'see' sound. This does make for a sensory rich world, as you might imagine. I can say that I am grateful for this way of being, in many respects, but it can be hard too. I can tune a sonicator (lab instrument) with my eyes, for example - - Orange means it's tuned (at proper sound frequency). BUT, at the same time, microscopy (when the lamp is warming) hurts. I 'see' the color aqua and the sound is sharp.

About how to turn it off? Um, good question. One cannot know. We cannot turn off our senses, of course, but we can shift them a bit. At times my senses hurt. Just hurt. I cry but there are no words. I know some social scenes hurt and this is partly/mostly why. Then being amongst others who just don't know. Many/most Autists/AS individuals use a weighted blanket. I LOVE my weighted blanket and cannot do without. It helps when nothing else does.



Yes, sort-of But you are welcome on the Wrong Planet. I think most Aspies are quite candid - - when asked directly. Elsewise we cannot even know to answer/explain. To read above: True in that we might not be too emotive, but we do feel. Feel with all our senses.

Unknown, DonnaMyst, but you might like to read a bit about the history/culture of AutismAS. I'll post a link <moment>

EDIT: The Lab Pet is back <found link for DonnaMyst > Some of the questions you have asked, or alluded to, may be succinctly found here and please look at my posts: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp2929141 ... t=#2929141 Caveat: Some of the Aspies got a bit snarky.........but the message is here (refer to link). PLUS (bonus): Check-out the link I gave (in link above) regarding the History of Asperger's - note Sister Viktorine.

I'll not answer for kx250rider (apologies if I misquote here) but I might be able to answer, in general terms. Emotion is not a factor, at all. Maybe the contrary. Perhaps awkwardness. I'm certain you know of Aspies being termed The Outside Observer (or, Anthropologist on Mars) - - Maybe just too close (to another). And hence very awkward/uncomfortable. Plus worry that we'll be judged or not know how to answer properly - eye contact thingy. 'Foreign humans' for a reason.

To describe to any given Neurotypical: Imagine when you were a child. Your parents had a fancy (adult) party and you are in attendance (and dressed-up, on 'best manners.') Did their conversation, where you were the 'outsider' (and lesser) actually make senses? Probably not. Therefore our responses, by analogy, aren't quite adequate (and we know it). Maybe you would rather be outside or just play by yourself. But at the same time we do like to be included! I imagine he liked that, maybe more than you know.

*In link (above rectangle) some of your questions are answered - refer to my posts in that link/thread*