How do you or did you progress in life?

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I was thinking about this again today and it's kind of depressing. Basically, I'm 31, live with my mother, have never had a girlfriend or even any female friends, typically have between 0 and 2 friends/acquaintances that I see every now and then, a job I don't like, etc. When I was in my 20s (before I knew about Aspergers), I used to imagine my life like a normal person, living on my own, maybe starting a family with a job I sort of liked, but as I get older, it just seems more and more pointless. It's hard to even hope for anything more than what I have now because I see no way to make it happen. The longest job I've ever had was 3 years and it seems like every time I start over with a new job, it's always at entry level and it allows me to just pay my bills/debt and that's it.

I'm currently employed at a pretty entry level position in the IT field. That's what my degree is in, but I hate it. It used to interest me, but now it's hard to believe this field ever did. I don't see myself advancing at my current position because I just don't have the enthusiasm and drive that my coworkers do because I find it so boring and uninteresting. I hear my coworkers talking about how they come in on their days off to work on various issues and stay hours late then go home and read about it and I'm sure that in another year or two, management will realize I don't have the drive and will let me go.

The problem is that I have absolutely no idea what I'd want to do. Nothing sounds interesting. I can't even begin to think about stepping in the right direction because I have no destination. Because I have no destination, I can't formulate a plan on how to get there and since I have no plan, there's no point of hoping anything will change.

Have you not discovered the internet and the whole world of internet dating? analyze the dating sites. Learn from each encounter. And don't mention anything about never having a girlfriend. Girls never seem to be interested in your past girlfriends existent or non. And depending on what you're ok with. There is a whole world of 'freaky stuff'. As for the rest of it. At least you have a job, At least you have a degree. Your glass is at least half full. Most people I know with degrees get jobs because of the degree that don't really have a relation to what they're doing. Seems like more of a status symbol. It might just be your lack of brown nosing ways that keeps you at the bottom. I dunno how to fix that, I'm at the bottom too.

I am 40 now and I have noticed in my life that most of what I think of as "progress" is actually only a "difference".

I was born into a poor and struggling community. Did really crap at school because I lost interest. Left school and did some crap jobs. Then decided to leave home. I thought it would be progress and it was because it caused me to think more independently. Then I decided to go back into study and became obsessed with computing so took a degree in it. After my degree I worked professionally for 12 years earning decent wages. I also moved cities and tried to live in another country at one point.

However when I look back, I mainly see myself making lots of sudden changes to my life in order to escape depression. I would force a change on myself to force myself to cope and adapt to a new way of living. So I think my life has progressed mainly due to depression ( which is associated with AS). It was my strategy to avoid depression which has led me to where I am today.

The recent realization that I'm just not progressing in life is what made me start to look into AS.

While I live on my own and have held one job for four years (for all intents and purposes, the only job I've ever had, though I earned money on campus in college), I could very much see myself living with my parents and not working. I've also never had a girlfriend, despite wanting that companionship. I'm just not going anywhere, and I'm scared by the realization that, the way things are now, I don't see myself ever changing course.

All the same, I'm notoriously optimistic, so I cling to hope that I can learn about myself and move forward in life in such a way that I am capable of doing.

I'm doing pretty well in comparison to others who have posted so far. I was originally diagnosed with autistic disorder and they were unsure of how high functioning I actually was. Although I did have difficulty with reading, I did quickly learn when I turned 7 (roughly). I think my verbal language became a lot more sophisticated by that time as well and I was eventually re-assessed as having Aspergers (and, yes, many diagnosticians will diagnose people with AS if they feel that they would benefit from the diagnosis more than a diagnosis of autism). I got regular speech and language therapy and a lot of support in school from my primary school years towards the end of high school, which I am very thankful for.

I'm not as intelligent as my older sister, but I did okay at school. It was difficult when I started to integrate into the mainstream to organise myself, to get on with other students, to deal with unexpected stuff happening (that caused some anxiety for me) and I would get VERY upset if I didn't understand something. I also developed an anxiety disorder (panic disorder) when I was entering secondary school, so I had frequent panic attacks in class as well.

As the years went by in secondary school, I made friends, got used to the changes, got through the worst of my anxiety problems and although I beat myself up pretty badly for not getting the grades I wanted, I was an okay student. I went to college and although it worsened my stress levels, it was a brilliant experience and my tutors often told me that my only problem was organisation. I got an A for my graded unit as well. I can't wait to go back to college and I'm hoping to go to Uni, though I might take a year out for financial and emotional reasons.

So, I don't know what will happen in terms of dealing with independent life, but I'm doing okay.

<waves at Don> Hello fellow NC resident

Back to the topic: I'd say life took a bit of a turn once I got my dx, which I could finally get some of the help I could've used back 15 years ago. I'm 29 (almost 30), have lived on my own for 4 years, then had to move back in with my parents (been almost a year since). I've tried dating at least 3 times, but nothing that lasted longer than a month face to face. Admittedly, dating is kinda hard because I honestly don't know what to do once getting to gf/bf status. As for progressing in life, right now, everything is hell for most of the population, so don't beat yourself up over it. The only thing you can do is keep going, put out applications when you can (and give a two week notice IF you know you got something you'd like). Online dating is no guarantee as I've been on a site for about a month now with little in the way of potentials. Little word of warning, people that use online dating are usually scared of coming across creeps, so don't expect a date the instant you sign up. Right now, the only thing you can be is patient.

I had good looks so being a bimbo was enough at the time

Your attitude to jobs is much like my own. I tried to avoid it but couldn't find anything else that would pay the bills, so I bit the bullet and wasted half my life, as an alternative to wasting it by starving to death. All I get to do at work is stuff that somebody else is interested in.

But keep looking. There has to be a decent job somewhere, doesn't there?

I'll try to make this as condensed as possible.

The things that made the biggest impact on me being independent IMO:

1. I took a on the job training class in school. The teacher looked a lot like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie, but she taught me more life skills in 6 months than the special education teachers did in 10 years. (how to dress for an interview, practice answering interview questions, things to not do at work, and some financial stuff)

2. I was so scared of trying to make new friends that I stayed in Florida when my parents moved to NC (the day after I graduated HS). I was still working at my first job and had been there for 3 years (my co-workers were my only "friends"). I had to sink or swim. I ate a lot of Ramen noodles and can't believe I survived on the little $ I made. I refused to fall down. It was like I was seconds from drowning for many many years.

3. I think the biggest things was not knowing just how different I actually was. Not knowing I was experiencing the world differently than most or having more obstacles to overcome than many. All I knew when I left the nest (or the nest left me.. whatever) was that I had a learning disability, but it seemed like I was smarter than most people I interacted with. The learning disability wasn't ever made out to be a big deal by my family, so I wasn't overly conscious of it. I was planning on being a cook anyways, so I figured it wouldn't matter (I'm in a computer field now, witch I never expected). Nobody ever gave me excuses or excepted my excuses for why I couldn't do something. I succeeded because I didn't know of any reasons why I couldn't I guess.

4. Dumb luck.