Using Aspergers as a crutch or excuse ??

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AceOfSpades
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09 Dec 2010, 12:26 pm

Callista wrote:
AS isn't an excuse for not trying; but it can be a very good excuse for why, when you try, you don't succeed. "Trying harder", in many cases, doesn't work, because either you fail, or you use so much effort that you have none to spare for anything else.

You have to get away from the idea that "trying harder" is the solution. It's not. You have to find ways around those obstacles--doing things a different way; finding ways not to need to do them; getting help from other people, from technology, or by changing your environment.

Trying is only one very small part of the solution. Automatically saying, "I didn't try hard enough," when you fail at something will only make you feel horrible about yourself.
Well yeah you can't just try hard at the same thing over and over. You have to be flexible as well. But at the same time you can't forget hard work all together and look for so many different approaches that you're looking for shortcuts when there are no such thing. So yeah, both effort and flexibility are equally important...



fb5b
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09 Dec 2010, 8:05 pm

Looks like I stirred up a bit of a hornets nest, so I will apologise to those I offended. I guess I am fortunate that although diagnosed as AS, it's nowhere near as severe as a large number of people, however it does, as we have seen, lead me to be rather blunt and tactless at times. I think the distinction I was "trying" to make was people who suffer it to a lesser degree (like myself) but make it out to be a severe case as a cover to avoid any responsibility. That's not fair on those who suffer AS in a more serious form, and does a disservice to themselves and also to the wider communities perception of AS.

I'm not so proud that I can't admit to my mistakes and misstatements.



Zur-Darkstar
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10 Dec 2010, 1:09 am

fb5b wrote:
Looks like I stirred up a bit of a hornets nest, so I will apologise to those I offended. I guess I am fortunate that although diagnosed as AS, it's nowhere near as severe as a large number of people, however it does, as we have seen, lead me to be rather blunt and tactless at times. I think the distinction I was "trying" to make was people who suffer it to a lesser degree (like myself) but make it out to be a severe case as a cover to avoid any responsibility. That's not fair on those who suffer AS in a more serious form, and does a disservice to themselves and also to the wider communities perception of AS.

I'm not so proud that I can't admit to my mistakes and misstatements.


Apology accepted here.

I've had doctors ask if I'd filed for SSI, but I always tell them I would never do that unless I was starving or homeless and had no other options. Not because of pride, but rather because there are people that need it way way more than me. I'd much rather work, because I know I can contribute a lot, even if I can't handle some things as well as "normal" folks. Compared to many, I, also, am quite fortunate in that I have some positive skills that make up for some of my social shortcomings. I just have to find a good niche for myself. I'm also blessed to have a family that cares about me and has the means to allow me to live with them until I can financially support myself.



Dalton_Man321
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10 Dec 2010, 2:57 am

If no one inquires, don't bring it up. It would be unnecessary and in my opinion a cheap and noneffective way to gain acceptance.



JoeBloke
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29 Jan 2012, 11:37 pm

You know what I wonder? I wonder how many of you also have Morgellon's, Fibromyalgia, or something along those lines.

I have trouble interacting with others, concentrating, focussing, etc., but I think if someone were to try to apply some sort of "label" to me that I would reject it -- opting instead to NOT accept limitations and instead choosing to excel in all I do.

But you all just go ahead and keep telling yourself you "can't", ok? And go on ahead and accept "failure" (whatever that may mean to you) -- just don't get angry when others recognize that and start to expect less and less of you since that's what YOU are doing.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, I suppose. I'm just sick of seeing people claiming some (potentially fabricated) diagnosis as some sort of excuse for laziness, sloth, lack of discipline, etc. It gets very, very old after a while.

Don't bother replying as I won't be checking back in here...I just want my opinions heard because I am tired of reading crap like this and it is time someone gave you a wake-up call. (I told you I have trouble interacting with others, didn't I? :( )



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30 Jan 2012, 12:02 am

JoeBloke wrote:
You know what I wonder? I wonder how many of you also have Morgellon's, Fibromyalgia, or something along those lines.

I have trouble interacting with others, concentrating, focussing, etc., but I think if someone were to try to apply some sort of "label" to me that I would reject it -- opting instead to NOT accept limitations and instead choosing to excel in all I do.

But you all just go ahead and keep telling yourself you "can't", ok? And go on ahead and accept "failure" (whatever that may mean to you) -- just don't get angry when others recognize that and start to expect less and less of you since that's what YOU are doing.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, I suppose. I'm just sick of seeing people claiming some (potentially fabricated) diagnosis as some sort of excuse for laziness, sloth, lack of discipline, etc. It gets very, very old after a while.

Don't bother replying as I won't be checking back in here...I just want my opinions heard because I am tired of reading crap like this and it is time someone gave you a wake-up call. (I told you I have trouble interacting with others, didn't I? :( )


Well, personally I'm glad you won't be coming back. I'll reply anyway, though.

I suggest that if you've never failed at anything in life that you have not sufficiently challenged yourself.

You seem to have trouble understanding that problems are sometimes actually real. Yes, reality is sometimes real. Go figure. Perhaps you believe that if a bullet were to sever your spinal cord you could, by dint of your willpower and ego, render that injury irrelevant. You would "overcome" it, and show those in wheelchairs just how much they weren't trying hard enough.

But that is not reality. Perhaps that POV comes, again, from not having given yourself sufficient challenges. Try something really ambitious and hard, and then fail hard, while giving it everything you've got. It's good for the soul. It teaches you that ego and wishful thinking won't protect you from the jaws of reality. But some people never get to where they learn that, so ignorance prevails.

So, you can reject your label if you have one, and be all defiant and stuff -- but if you have a real problem then your willpower won't be enough to solve it. Of course, you will argue that it it would -- but then you don't have a real problem, do you? That's part of the definition of "real problem."

But you won't get that. You're too cognitively disabled in your own sort of way (hey, it's ok, I'm brain-damaged, too).

Oh and fibromyalgia is real, just like Parkinson's -- which used to be called "hysterical paralysis," because of people who think like you.



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30 Jan 2012, 12:14 am

I absolutely never allow myself to use Aspergers as a crutch. I feel like if I did that I would stop making progress. Just my personality or something, I suppose.



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30 Jan 2012, 12:38 am

JoeBloke wrote:
You know what I wonder? I wonder how many of you also have Morgellon's, Fibromyalgia, or something along those lines.

I have trouble interacting with others, concentrating, focussing, etc., but I think if someone were to try to apply some sort of "label" to me that I would reject it -- opting instead to NOT accept limitations and instead choosing to excel in all I do.

But you all just go ahead and keep telling yourself you "can't", ok? And go on ahead and accept "failure" (whatever that may mean to you) -- just don't get angry when others recognize that and start to expect less and less of you since that's what YOU are doing.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, I suppose. I'm just sick of seeing people claiming some (potentially fabricated) diagnosis as some sort of excuse for laziness, sloth, lack of discipline, etc. It gets very, very old after a while.

Don't bother replying as I won't be checking back in here.
..I just want my opinions heard because I am tired of reading crap like this and it is time someone gave you a wake-up call. (I told you I have trouble interacting with others, didn't I? :( )


And I think people who go in a thread and post a reply and not want to bother going back to it are cowards. They know their opinion would be not liked or be unpopular or cause a drama so they do a post and run. But hey I take their thoughts less seriously when they do this.



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30 Jan 2012, 2:59 am

I've had people tell me I was just making excuses before when I tried to explain why something was hard for me or that I couldn't do it. Then I'd just give up and say I don't want to do it because that seemed to be the only excuse people would take.



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30 Jan 2012, 4:00 am

JoeBloke wrote:
You know what I wonder? I wonder how many of you also have Morgellon's, Fibromyalgia, or something along those lines.

I have trouble interacting with others, concentrating, focussing, etc., but I think if someone were to try to apply some sort of "label" to me that I would reject it -- opting instead to NOT accept limitations and instead choosing to excel in all I do.

But you all just go ahead and keep telling yourself you "can't", ok? And go on ahead and accept "failure" (whatever that may mean to you) -- just don't get angry when others recognize that and start to expect less and less of you since that's what YOU are doing.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, I suppose. I'm just sick of seeing people claiming some (potentially fabricated) diagnosis as some sort of excuse for laziness, sloth, lack of discipline, etc. It gets very, very old after a while.

Don't bother replying as I won't be checking back in here...I just want my opinions heard because I am tired of reading crap like this and it is time someone gave you a wake-up call. (I told you I have trouble interacting with others, didn't I? :( )


If this was Intensity^2, I'd be able to say "f**k off, you brainless twat, you have no idea what you're talking about". But since it isn't, I guess I'm stuck with "I respectfully disagree".


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30 Jan 2012, 5:09 am

JoeBloke wrote:
You know what I wonder? I wonder how many of you also have Morgellon's, Fibromyalgia, or something along those lines.

How about severe sensory processing issues especially severe light sensitivity which means I have to wear dark sunglasses every time I go outside so I don't end up with a migraine? Or how about photosensitive epilepsy, migraine seizure and temporal lobe epilepsy? Or hypoglycaemia? If I don't bring that up I will probably faint. Or a fear of change and preseveration? That means I like to stick at the same task for long periods of time and it's hard to break out.

I know a lot of people that gets called lazy for their executive dysfunctional issues. Although I have the same I try my best to not let them overtake me so I try to stay organised.

Fact is when people try to guess why I have certain behaviour (shy, obsessed, rude) but are wrong I have this feeling that makes me want to correct them because I rather them know the truth. The way I do this is to bring up autism in general though, not bring it up every time someone criticises my actions. Doing it this way makes them know I'm autistic and it's up to them how they judge my behaviour.
As much as I want to tell them I'm autistic every time they criticise me I haven't got the guts. Maybe because I know they'll probably react like you.

League_Girl wrote:
And I think people who go in a thread and post a reply and not want to bother going back to it are cowards. They know their opinion would be not liked or be unpopular or cause a drama so they do a post and run. But hey I take their thoughts less seriously when they do this.

Just what I was going to say.


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hanyo
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30 Jan 2012, 5:16 am

Just ignore them. They are obviously a nt troll that joined just to make one post to troll us (their profile says they are nt). Why answer someone that isn't coming back?

It's not "making excuses" if it's true. That's like if someone is in a wheelchair and can't walk and you tell them that they are just "making excuses" as to why they won't go upstairs.

Some people just don't believe in mental illnesses or in any physical problems that aren't completely obvious. If people could just get over it and do anything there wouldn't even be a psychiatric profession.

While it can be nice to be encouraging repeatedly telling people they can do things they can't do doesn't benefit anyone.



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30 Jan 2012, 5:26 am

hanyo wrote:
Why answer someone that isn't coming back?

They might still be lurking. People lie.


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30 Jan 2012, 1:12 pm

People who're blind are such self-defeating, surrender monkeys when they say they can't see and fail at everything involving normal eyesight without aids.



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30 Jan 2012, 8:25 pm

So their are other reasons why I feel so bored and stupid in the company of people?


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31 Jan 2012, 5:48 am

I've been criticized for using asperger as an excuse for "bad" behavior. I don't know... Now that I know about asperger, I have more confidence in myself and don't listen as much to other people's social rules. So yes, having as helped me understand I don't have to do things that are too stressful for me. So you might say I use it as an excuse