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Ignoring people you don't want to talk to

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paperoceans
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06 Jul 2011, 4:09 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD366fFsHVo[/youtube]

This video brought up some memories of things that I used to do as a child... and continue to do as an adult. My mother said that when she would take me to the playground, a child would approach me to play, but I would just turn my head and look somewhere else.

I still do this.

I do it at least several times a day. Quite frankly, sometimes I do not feel like talking or I do not know how to reply, so I just walk away and pretend I don't see them. My friend from high school said I would "give head (from the video)" all the time. I'm quite aware that I'm doing it, but I just have no idea how to get out of a conversation so it's the only thing I can do sometimes!



Amajanshi
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06 Jul 2011, 4:15 am

paperoceans wrote:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD366fFsHVo[/youtube]

This video brought up some memories of things that I used to do as a child... and continue to do as an adult. My mother said that when she would take me to the playground, a child would approach me to play, but I would just turn my head and look somewhere else.

I still do this.

I do it at least several times a day. Quite frankly, sometimes I do not feel like talking or I do not know how to reply, so I just walk away and pretend I don't see them. My friend from high school said I would "give head (from the video)" all the time. I'm quite aware that I'm doing it, but I just have no idea how to get out of a conversation so it's the only thing I can do sometimes!


By NT standards, it's considered rude to just ignore somebody and walk off. But certainly, I've seen other NTs do that to me when they dislike me. I'm guessing that a lot of NTs reserve this sort of behaviour for people that they don't like.

A polite way to reply and imply (to the NTs) that you cbf talking is " (Sorry), I'm tired right now and got to go. " If it's a person that you'll bump into again next time, then you could add " I'll speak to you next time. "



paperoceans
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06 Jul 2011, 4:30 am

^^^

Quite honestly, I freeze up and don't know how to reply. A lot of the time I don't notice I'm doing this though--I'm quite impulsive at times and unaware of my surroundings and how I'm coming off to people. I recently learned that someone told an old classmate that she was the only person that I "willingly" talked to... I had no idea that people felt that way! I'm quite oblivious, but I'm very kind so I think it's OK?

I just get annoyed when people ask me how am I, when they just want me to say that I'm fine! What's the point in asking me? I think that I'm so used to living in Germany/Austria that I find it offensive how a lot of the time in America people want you to lie. Over there, when someone asks you how are you, they want the honest answer.

I probably think too much about this topic!



Amajanshi
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06 Jul 2011, 4:53 am

paperoceans wrote:
^^^

Quite honestly, I freeze up and don't know how to reply. A lot of the time I don't notice I'm doing this though--I'm quite impulsive at times and unaware of my surroundings and how I'm coming off to people. I recently learned that someone told an old classmate that she was the only person that I "willingly" talked to... I had no idea that people felt that way! I'm quite oblivious, but I'm very kind so I think it's OK?

I just get annoyed when people ask me how am I, when they just want me to say that I'm fine! What's the point in asking me? I think that I'm so used to living in Germany/Austria that I find it offensive how a lot of the time in America people want you to lie. Over there, when someone asks you how are you, they want the honest answer.

I probably think too much about this topic!


I had similar issues to you in the past, and I still have them with other areas.

A major form of compensation I use is to just memorize "rote phrases" to say in specific situations and to specific questions.

I also find it annoying when people ask "How are you?" when they don't care about your response other than that you have to say "fine/good", so I decided to lie to them and say "fine/good" with little elaboration. I used to feel guilty about it, but I don't anymore. I don't see it as immoral to lie in this situation, as I think it was more disrespectful for people to be fake to me in the first place.



Australien
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06 Jul 2011, 6:32 am

I generally don't ignore direct questions, but I can give dismissive, conclusive answers. It's not always deliberate. For example, a conversation I had at work when a spread was put on for some meaningless excuse to get different teams together went something like this:

The secretary is looking at the spread. I am the only other person in the immediate vicinity. She speaks, apparently to no-one in particular, then looks at me as she finishes the sentence:
"So....what's good?"
I think: "What the hell am I supposed to answer to that? I've only tried perhaps 1/16 of the food on offer and she may not like what I like. What the hell was the point of that question? I need to move away from her..". I say:
"All of it."
The secretary says "Umm..all of it?" as I walk away



MakaylaTheAspie
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06 Jul 2011, 11:54 am

That's a pretty good video. :lol:


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paperoceans
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06 Jul 2011, 12:52 pm

Amajanshi wrote:

I had similar issues to you in the past, and I still have them with other areas.

A major form of compensation I use is to just memorize "rote phrases" to say in specific situations and to specific questions.

I also find it annoying when people ask "How are you?" when they don't care about your response other than that you have to say "fine/good", so I decided to lie to them and say "fine/good" with little elaboration. I used to feel guilty about it, but I don't anymore. I don't see it as immoral to lie in this situation, as I think it was more disrespectful for people to be fake to me in the first place.


The problem is, I do have a script that I use for "How are you?", but it has got me in trouble quite often. I usually say, "Good, and you?" but I've said it when I was feeling awful or when I was school and had to leave because I was sick. It's just an automatic response and people get angry like: "I thought you said you were sick?!" And I freeze up because I just realized what I did. So there are times that it backfires :(