Aspies are normal too!

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Sometimes you've just got to take the good with the bad, instead of dwelling on all the bad things. I could sit here and scream and cry for years about having AS - but I've realised what's the point in doing that, when there's a world out there where I could try new experiences, and when I think of these people who can't ever be an independent adult, it makes me want to get out there even more and enjoy being normal.

Having AS does not mean you ain't normal. I don't want to be considered not normal, thank you very much.

Last edited by Joe90 on 02 Oct 2010, 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joe... I know you're trying to be nice, but let me say this for the record:

I am not normal, and I wish autistic people would stop insisting that they are.

Does that sound odd?

Okay, here, let me put it this way:
In our world, we grow up being told that normal is good and disability is bad, and that it's shameful not to be able to do something or to need help with something. We are told that disability is always obvious, always severe, and always something that makes your life a living hell, not worth living, a burden to others, and altogether inferior. We are told that the worst thing in the world is "not to live a normal life". Heroes in our movies cheerfully face being killed, but flip out and go into deep mourning at the prospect of permanent disability. And when disabled people are shown doing something other than being objects of pity, they are shown as inspirational for simply doing things that "normal" people do every day.

Sometimes, when people are diagnosed with something that carries with it the stigma of "disability", they have this odd reaction: "But my life isn't a living hell. I'm not a tragedy. I'm still valuable. I'm not a burden." And that's true. But instead of challenging this popular perception of disability that carries all those tags along with it, they challenge the idea that they are disabled in the first place.

Trying to distance yourself from the idea of disability, by saying you are better off than some other arbitrary group of disabled people by some arbitrary criterion, doesn't work very well. Yes, you're not dying. Yes, you can talk. You can use a toilet and you can read and use a computer. So what? That's true of most disabled people. And all disabled people (barring anencephalic infants, who still have a brain stem) have and use their brains. We all have personalities and desires. Maybe your desire is to get a Nobel Prize; maybe your desire is to have applesauce for dinner today. Either way, getting it means a lot to you. Does that make one life worth less than the other?

We need to acknowledge our differences, not sweep them under the rug. People are different. Autistics are different from other people. The idea that difference is bad needs to be challenged just like the idea that disability is bad and tragic. We are not "better off" because we are closer to NT.

Feeling superior to other autistic people or to people with what you consider to be "severe disabilities" isn't going to help you in the long run, because by your standard--if you judge people by impairment or by skills--you're still inferior to NTs, no matter how close you consider yourself to be. Once you face that, there are generally three options: One, begin to consider yourself inferior and become depressed. Two, consider yourself superior and become defensively narcissistic. Or, three, declare yourself equal because you have come to understand that disability does not make you better or worse than anyone else.

No, you are not normal. Neither am I. But this does not mean what you think it means. It only means you don't fall into the average range; it places absolutely no limit on your value.

Yup, only those who are actually different want to convince themselves that they're normal.

On the other hand, those who take pride in being different are usually the ones who are more like other people (and less special) than they like to believe.

What about the people who know everybody is different from everybody else and wish we could just get over the idea that everybody has to be the same?

Erm.....

In addition to being Aspie, I'm also asexual and genderless. I'm not "special" or "unique," but, in Western culture, I don't have too many role models....if you catch my drift.

My society is arranged with a particular person in mind; I am not that person.

I'm cool with that. There's about as much of a point in bitching about my horrible "Ass burgers" as there is in complaining that the ocean is wet.

Callista, OK we all have our different opinions on whether we are normal or not, but I consider myself as normal. I am able-bodied, I am healthy, I am just as able to reach the same goals in life as the next person.

I really really really really hate having AS, but I was just trying to tell myself that I'm normal. I'm fed up with putting myself down and saying I'm not normal, because I think everyone should express what ever they believe in. And I believe that if we're able-bodied and can be independent adults, then we are normal.

I guess I can't change anyone's mind about how normal they feel, but I am trying to make me feel better about myself here. Saying I'm ''not normal'' is a horrible way to look at it myself. I thought I had reached a point there, but I suppose I haven't. It's just that I've been bad-mouthing AS so much, and I've got advice from other Aspies on this forum that I should always look at the good points, and although I haven't got that many good points about myself, the only good point is that I feel normal. I am trying to reach my goals, and I'm facing a lot of difficulties and may even need some help, but so far I've accomplished a lot throughout my life and I'm not giving up now.

You can consider yourself as not normal, if it's the way you feel. It's great that we all have our own beliefs, and I believe that I am normal and I'm not going to go around thinking I'm not normal just because I find things a little difficult than others. It doesn't mean to say I'm forgetting about it though. I'm actually thinking more of it - more than I ever have - and I'm not going to start convincing myself that I'm not normal, because it'd make my self-esteem hit rock bottom.

I come across as normal to all my colleagues at the charity shop where I volunteer, and I don't feel different to any of the others, and they don't feel different against me, so I'm looking at it that way. I don't feel that much different to other people at all really. I don't get treated differently to anyone else, therefore I must be normal.

In your point of view, Aspies aren't normal. Maybe you could start a thread on what you believe in because it's great to hear all our different opinions on how we feel about our being.

That sums up everything wrong with your post in fewer words than you used.

1. Since when is realizing that I'm not normal necessarily a "negative thought?"
2. Aspies are not normal. Otherwise, we would not be diagnosable as Aspies; we'd all be NT. QED.
3. Just what is your definition of "not normal?" Because I was under the impression that there were an infinite number of possible variations from the norm, of which many do not leave you incontinent, many do not leave you unable to read and write, many do not leave you "forever trapped inside your own world" (whole nother set of stuff wrong with this part). "Coping how to behave like an adult" is nonsense, but if you're spouting mental age nonsense, quit it.
4. It sounds very much like you're saying that we should feel good because we're not like-- gasp-- those people. And I cordially disagree with anything of the form "[X marginalized group that I'm part of] is far higher-functioning than [Y marginalized group that I'm not part of], so therefore [X] is okay, because it's not like [Y]."
5. Straw man.
6. Misunderstanding of the word "normal."
7. Yawn. Same old typicalist line. Normal is good, abnormal is bad. Right, well, when last I checked, Einstein wasn't normal either. There are good variations from the norm, like having above-average intelligence. (What exactly did you think "above average" meant, huh??)

OK, fine, I'm not normal. I'm nowhere near the same as NTs, not one little bit. I am an outcast, I come from Jupiter and I am nature's mistake. In other words I am deformed and not meant to live. Even though I can accomplish just as many tasks in life as NTs can, I am nowhere near like them. Even though I can relate to NTs and share experiences and share opinions with them, I am nowhere near like them.

OK, I don't know what's going on here, but I must have a few AS symptoms missing, because I feel normal, and I feel great, and I don't feel one bit different to anyone. Maybe it's the way I was brought up, I do not know. I have a big family who are all NTs, and I don't feel much different to all of them. There are some things I find confusing about the NT world, but there are lots of things I can totally agree with and relate to in the NT world.

I think I'll better go up the doctors and get a re-diagnosis here, because if I feel normal and no other Aspie does, then I must......be normal. I don't know. Perhaps I only have Dyspraxia and Social Phobia. Perhaps it isn't AS I've got. Perhaps that explains why I can make small talk easily to NTs......

That first paragraph was sarcasm.

nobody is normal. To be normal there needs to be a set of criteria to meet and no one human on this planet could meet everything within or even the majority of that criteria to qualify. There is a 100% variation in human beings.

I have always taken pride in my "difference" long before it had a name. I didnt want to be like everyone else (now I know theyre NTs) because they were so, irrational, superficial, preoccupied with completely pointless things - the list goes on.

Do I want the negative aspects of being AS? Not one bit and I hate that I cannot keep friends for longer than a conversation and I hate that I'm lonely because of that and I hate that I cannot cope with more than one thing at a time which can seriously affect my relationship with my child - but - I wouldnt change what and who I am to fit in with either NT or AS labelling.

I am me. I am an individual and there is noone else like me. Just like you are you and noone is like you.

I dont like how many people with AS seem to wear it like a badge of honour because at the end of the day it is just a label and not an illness. Its a way of being but not a way of life.

I make the most of life as I have it and try my hardest not to compare my life to anyone elses regardless of any neurological label or otherwise.

Last edited by Moopants on 02 Oct 2010, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Callista, I just want to add that in my opinion, there is no such thing as normal and everyone is very different.

It's what makes us all humans and what is the true definition of normal? If you asked anybody that question, you're gonna most likely find so many definitions that you'll don't know what the answer is.

But that is just my view of normal and I just mean people (including aspies) in particular.


- superboyian.

You. Do. Not. Get. It.

I never said you couldn't relate to normal people if you were abnormal. I never said being abnormal was bad. Abnormal =/= deformed, or a mistake, or anything like that. My friend who's 6'6" isn't normal, but that doesn't stop him from relating to other people. Simply not sharing every trait with people doesn't stop you from relating to them; otherwise, how would, say, men and women be friends?

Go take this up with someone who has a physical disability. Say, a paraplegic. Because you can't deny that they're abnormal, but I'm sure they'll tell you they're not incapable of relating to people who aren't in wheelchairs.

It's not a matter of feeling normal or not. It's a matter of objectively scoring outside the average range on various tests and such things.

When you say things like "I feel normal and I feel great," that indicates that you are conflating two things: typical and good. You are not the former. I will not opine on whether you are the latter. Regardless, the two are unrelated. No correlation. Nada. Zip. Zilch. They certainly aren't synonyms.

Please do not try to opine on normality until you know what it is and what it isn't. Yes, you can accomplish just as many tasks, but if you're going about them in a different way or feel differently about them, you are still abnormal. THAT IS NOT BAD. I never said you were less. Just different.

There is no such thing as normal and I think that word is over rated. I think we are normal people but our minds just work different. Even severely autistic people are normal except they are trapped inside their own world and can't get words out. How are they normal? They have dreams and goals like everyone else and they have feelings and emotions and thoughts but they just can't express them until they are given something to type on. Then there they are expressing themselves and you realize they are normal people.

I think the reason why people say they aren't normal is because of low self esteem and how they are treated.

I feel that everything I do is not normal, and is in fact weird. I observe my behaviour later and realize it is weird, but have no clue how to fix it or how weird it is. I've never felt normal. I find it peculiar someone on the spectrum could feel normal if they were aware of the social world. Even the way I think about things and the things I focus on just don't seem normal.

I've never felt normal. I've never felt great.

Yeah, if you don't feel that different than the NT and you feel very normal, you probably are.

Would everybody just stop assuming that "normal" is defined as "acceptable"? Because... uhh... it isn't.

Like, for example: Bullying is normal. Most kids experience it. Does that make it acceptable? No.

Two hundred years ago, it was normal for one human being to own another. Did that make it acceptable? Also not.

Similarly, it is not normal to be able to run a four-minute mile. Does that make it wrong to be able to run that fast?

It's not normal to get a perfect score on your graduate record exam. Does that mean that people who score that high are unacceptable individuals?

It's normal to be able to learn an entire language in the course of two years while still unable to tie your shoes or write the alphabet. Does that make it any less remarkable when a toddler does exactly that?

It's not normal to have an allergy to asparagus. Should we ostracise those with that allergy?

Okay then. Do you see how "normal" has nothing to do with either "good" or "bad"?