Insulted and Offended tonight

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Tonight I was insulted. I went out to a chinese restaurant because it was my sister in law's (who's Chinese) sister's son's one month birthday.
I was at a table with a guy and his wife and that guy was making fun of people who are learning disabled. He had trouble learning German while he was in Germany and he said that he"Acted like he was learning disabled" and that he was "ret*d". I am offended because he was making fun of us disabled people. I really hate people..

dont take things to heart people say stupid things

I think some people act like that because they feel they aren't very intelligent. So they say stupid things about other's who are less fortunate to make themselves feel better about themselves.

It's too bad you ended up sitting next to someone like that. Next time that something like that happens, don't feel bad to get up and move and sit as far away from them as you can. You don't have to endure something like that.

Was he joking or was he putting himself down? Was he upset when he talked about it?

I used to call myself ret*d all the time when I was 14 because I really did think I was. I needed extra help in school and I thought if I was so smart, I wouldn't need extra help. Plus I also took things literal and I would put myself down for it. Mom used to tell me I needed to stop calling myself that because I might upset other students and they might think I am making fun of them and what if they have a sibling who is ret*d, they might think I am making fun of their sibling. To me that never made any sense because how can I be making fun of people if I am so upset about myself and I want to be smarter and I hated being ret*d? How can I be making fun of others if I think that of myself?

Then she had to find another way of getting me to stop by telling me other kids go to the resource room to get extra help, does that make them ret*d and I said no. I never thought they were, I only thought I was. For years I was told I was ret*d from other kids and then at age 14 I was upset thinking they were right all along.

So I was never putting anyone down but myself. It was all about me, never anyone else. I hated myself and wanted to be smarter and wished I wasn't ret*d. It took me a while to break out of that stage to realize I wasn't and there were all sorts of disabilities out there that makes things harder for people but it doesn't mean they have mental retardation.

He may not have intended to by offensive and may have just been making fun of himself but I don't think it is okay to refer to learning disabled or ret*d people in a derogatory way. It is offensive to disabled people as it increases stigma associated with having a disability. I agree with the OP that the man was in the restaurant was in the wrong.

I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. I would have felt the same way. I'm sorry that you had to sit next to an ignorant person like that.

I recommend humiliating the person who made fun of disabilities. That usually fixes the problem.

Thank you Everyone for responding to my post. I appreciate all the good advice.
This is going to happen again in the future so I need to toughen up and not let Ignorant people bother me.
Thanks again,

Katie

I try to ignore such stupid comments when I overhear them, but I must admit that they usually do annoy me and sometimes offend me. People can be such jerks sometimes.

I have two colleagues who sometims say insulting things about autism. When they do something that they consider stupid they say things like "I'm so autistic today" or "damn, I must stop doing this before I become autistic". One of them has an autistic nephew and she says a lot of ignorant and insulting things about his autism. I hate when they mock autism and I find their comments offensive. My desk is right next to theirs, but they don't know that I have AS. I've chosen not to tell my employer and colleagues about my AS because of the stupid attitude many of them have about it.

I don't think you need to toughen up or to become less sensitive, but you do need to find ways to compartmentalize these events and deal with them without being hurt - that man carried on his evening just as if you had never been there, while you went home hurt and upset without causing any change to his behaviour or his state of awareness.

People make a lot of remarks likening their experiences to things that they imagine, but have never experienced - like being crippled, "spastic" or mentally ill. Sometimes, although rarely, it can be very sobering for them to ask them if they actually know what it is like to be learning impaired, or whatever analogy they picked - nobody who does actually know would use those analogies.

Usually it is better to just listen to what they say, be thankful for who you are and then tune out. There are some good blogs where you can share your anecdotes about this kind of incident, where people share the hurt and the humour of ignorant comments.

I know how bad that feels. Not everyone realizes that r- is almost as harsh as n- in some circles. This Wednesday is supposed to be an awareness day to get people to stop that. You have to decide for yourself when and under what circumstances you will call people on it. If it makes you feel any better, he was probably ignorant, not malicious.

At my friends birthday dinner, her (now ex-) boyfriend made a comment about how her other friend helps "special" kids, while making the "crazy" hand gesture. She's a classroom assistant for children with Asperger's.

In work, someone made a comment about how he know's his cousin has Asperger's, and is "crazy" (while making the crazy hand gesture), but he should try harder.

Both of these made me angry.

It would make me angry too.