Anger!

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I have a chronically pessimistic view of humanity, which I think stems from my dislike for a lot of the noise it makes. I've had to move on several occasions in hopes of ending up someplace quieter. The place I'm living right now is probably one of the quietest I've encountered in my adult life, and it's right in the middle of a city. I've found that living out in the country is often worse because neighbors, each and all, have yards full of psychotic barking dogs. It's really the luck of the draw. I've pretty much spun the wheel and moved somewhere new until a situation panned out that was noticeably better than most past situations. It's always relative.

Realize that the construction will eventually end. It may drag on for a few weeks, or even a few months, but eventually everything that can be repaired will be repaired and then it will be done. I've also lived through that, and I didn't enjoy it.

And yes, I also relate to the world being so complex that it is impossible to make sense of. I hate the bureaucracy of it all and the seas of paperwork one must navigate in order to accomplish something societal. It always leaves me with a feeling like I must have forgotten something, and a fine for X hundreds of dollars is must inevitably show up in my mailbox for having forgotten it. But though I often get the bureaucratic stuff wrong, I have also learned that most of the people that work on the other side of the desk are willing to help you through it if they're treated with respect and I'm willing to curb my pessimism and grumpiness for a little while.

One thing that has helped me through the years is the realization that my condition, for better or worse, is MY condition. The only being that can do anything about improving upon it, however bad it may seem to me, is myself. This requires thought and action. I can respond to the world as a perpetual victim and thus close myself off more and more from resources and opportunities, or I can realize that my perceptions may be flawed as a result of my condition and my conditioning and just test the waters of the world to find out just how flawed they are, or even if they're flawed. Turns out, my negative perception of reality is often flawed, and that a very big part of my life process is being willing to test those waters often so that I don't end up walling myself away from life behind my negative perceptions. Something in my make-up drives me to rebuild those negative perceptions of the world and the people in it even when things are going well, so it requires a degree of mindfulness and vigilance on my part.

Meanwhile, you might enjoy this (if it lets me post): http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-m-scared-of-it-all/

Ain't that the truth! Esp from my experience as it pertains to jobs and the corporate world.

Okay, one thing, kind of like the Zen thing, you don't try and resist anger. One lets it flow in and lets it flow away. Kind of like if you were quitting cigarettes, you merely observe the desire to smoke with detachment.

Also, there's kind of a turnaround in which I can consciously choose to find something funny. Sometimes it almost seems accidental whether I find something funny or angry. I also have the ability to do a pretty realistic laugh as if I were in a play. Now, be warned, this is kind of a power move and a status move, and will not always play well. So, there's kind of the second skill I've learned of toning it down and bringing it back to earth. See also my essay on "tight, defensive boxing to a draw." http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt134616.html One hopes it doesn't come to this, but it's nice to have this as a baseline. And to a draw, because I'd really rather not embarrass someone and make an enemy.