should I tell my ex she may be autistic?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi there, I was recently diagnosed with autism, im 26, and my ex fiance, i realized as soon as i was diagnosed ALSO has this exactly.

Ive seen her meltdown hundreds of times, i never thought anything of it bc i always meltdown and i just thought i was crazy. Anyway, now i can see we were both having meltdowns She stims all the time, and ive witnessed people be SO cruel to her bc of her "differences". I always thought they were just as*holes and never thought she was any different, I felt like she was actually more normal than anyone else i knew. haha.

She has never been diagnosed with it, and i know how much finding out relieved so much of my pain and confusion.

We do not speak, i am torn bc i know telling her will really really help her but I dont want to be the one to inform her b/c we've both moved on. If there were a way to tell her anonymously, like having amazon send her a book on Aspergirls or something, do you think i should?

Its one of those fine lines b/w doing what is appropriate (IE live and let live) and doing what you feel compelled is the right thing....

also the fact that i dont exactly comprehend social norms, well im confused as to what to do.

If she's similar to you think about how you would like to be told. Personally I would hate to be told anonymously I would prefer my ex to speak to me perhaps via email, perhaps in person but not over the phone.

You should only tell her she is autistic if you are qualified to make that diagnosis.

You should only open this dialogue about your diagnosis and your suspicions about her if she is amiable to having such a personal discussion with you. If you're not good friends right now that would be a bad topic to start a "Hey how ya been? Guess what!" talk.

Isn't there a mutual friend between the two of you, whom you can carelessly mention that you feel that the relationship didn't work out well, because you now know that both of you had Autistic traits but didn't recognize it. It would then be the friends job to communicate this to your ex depending on his/her impartial view as to whether or not it would be beneficial to the ex..

If she's your ex and you don't talk anymore it's hardly an ice-breaking conversation. And don't do it anonymously!

She might just think you're trying to upset her and trying to blame your relationship breakdown on you both being autistic.