Just finished diagnostic exam-has me second guessing myself

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Bergie, your overall symptom/personality profile seems very similar to mine.

I went in for a four-hour evaluation with a doctor with experience on the Autism spectrum, and he said he had no doubt that I was on the Autism spectrum. There was no need to wait two weeks.

I'd say give this doctor a chance to give her verdict since I'd be very interested to hear what she says. If she says you are not on the spectrum ask her what exactly she thinks is wrong and what you should do. I've already looked into Depression and Social Anxiety and they hardly begin to explain what's going on with me.

I agree. I have a decent job, and I've been there almost 9 years now (even though I could get a substantial pay increase by going to a competitor where several ex-coworkers are... but, damn I HATE change), but it doesn't mean I function normal socially. My coworkers and supervisors have noticed my eccentricities. I know because of comments I've received like: "you know... you're a bit weird", "you really need to get a life if talking about formats is this exciting for you", "wow, you're methodical and calculated." They have also noticed my very strong technical/analytical abilities, and those seem to be what matters. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately) I have a reputation throughout the company for my abilities, and people cut me slack if I say something awkward or my brain locks and i can't get the words out that I'm trying to say. For someone that was in special education for learning challenges, that didn't find out I was also gifted in some areas until my late twenties, it took a bit of getting used to.

Obtaining accomplishments despite obstacles does mean the obstacles don't/didn't exist.

I have been employed my entire life and in my last job for more than 20 years (not at the same company but in the same field). I am recently labled as Gifted/ASD. I also work in high tech and have done a goodly amont of SW Engineering. Like you, I had no real reason to hate my life or to seek a Diagnosis. I was Dx'd though when after my Father died, I had a really hard time returning to my work and focus. Sensory issues became a constant issue for me and I really thought I was losing my mind. So I went to a shrink (my work sent me) for grief counselling and within a few minutes of time was given a DX. My sensory issues were so bad that I could not even make out the things in his office without a lot of processing time. I was a complete wreck.

I think that had I gone into that office before my Father's death that I would have had a much harder time getting a Dx. The DSM states that in order for a DX to be given that you have to actually have some sort of disability associated with the ASD that cause you issue in your every day life. I would not have been able to really articulate any issues before the shutdown that happened to me triggered by my grief. Now it is really easy to see those issues as my grief and anxiety override my ability to just make up for all my disabilities with a big IQ.

From everything you write, I would personally say that you are more Aspie than not. If she doesn't give that title to you officially it means nothing really. If you find yourself in a situation where you are disabled by things associated with being an Aspie go seek help and assume that you are.

Since ASD is a spectrum, it's possible to be on that spectrum but not have enough, or severe enough, traits to be diagnosed with AS. But it doesn't mean that you would qualify for a completely different diagnosis. What strikes me about your description of the doctor is that she seems to think AS is an all-or-nothing diagnosis, when it's far from that. It's possible for someone not to have AS per se but still be on the autism spectrum.

The fact that you became obseessed with analyzing yourself in terms of whether you have AS means that you might have it. Then again, I don't know all of your personal history, and I'm not a shrink, so I'm not completely certain that you have AS.

It wasn't a loaded question...just wasn't sure if it was for me or, for some reason, the OP.

I guess I wasn't too clear with my wording. I know some aspies can hold down a job. My point was that we weren't given a whole lot of information, but we were told that he manages to hold down a job. That could be ONE sign that perhaps he does have good function. There could be, of course, other things that speak to the opposite. Either way, for one to get a proper diagnosis, one has to fulfill the criteria that they are somehow limited in their functioning of everyday life (and that limit of function must, obviously, be a result of the AS symptoms.)

I never implied that they did. I know not every Aspie is a recluse. Like I said in my previous post (the one I just posted), I clearly didn't expand enough in my response and all I meant to imply was that there has to be SOME SORT of limit to one's function...

(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Without that, a proper diagnosis that follows the dsm will not be made.

I would prefer to rewrite this, that being on the spectrum makes social, occupational, etc, dicier propositions.

For example, there is a great deal of luck with a job. A person might get a boss who's a reasonable individual, a person might get a boss who's a petty tyrant, or anywhere in between. I would basically say it's 20 60 20. 20% of bosses are actually kind of good coaches (doesn't mean they're going to connect with everyone). And then there's the sloppy middle ground, the 60%, and usually you can work with these people. The bottom 20%, usually one way or another, that job's probably going to come to an end. (And the entry-level "easy" jobs, which could also be called the "bad" jobs, tend to have a higher ratio of bad bosses.<--yes, I think that would be a safe statement to make, even a bit of an understatement. Well, so a person keeps trying, and good things happen, too.)

You know, there was one episode of Columbo, in which someone asked Columbo what he thought and he said, Oh, it’s too early, I don’t think anything (and he’s of course talking with the villain who’s going to help him “solve” the case, which is one of the things that make the whole thing so engaging).

Well, very few police officers actually do this. Very few medical professionals actually do this.

On the face of it, she is debating with you. She has already made up her mind. And anytime you bring up, well, what about this, she says, not severe enough, or otherwise explains it away.

Maybe she’s doing this kind of like an artist tensioning a situation, and she’s trying to draw you out. Or, maybe she’s trying to have a real adult conversation. Or whatever.

But I would say that the baseline is that she has already made up her mind.

Okay, about the poker. You know, I never did headphones at the table, but that might be something worth trying. I used to enjoy walking across campus with headphones and that little bit of people watching. Now, I do think I'm pretty good at reading tone of voice (better than facial expressions), but there's not really that much said, and for state of mind, zen flow, alertness, being generally happy, centered, might be worth losing that with these advantages. Think I might be able to play longer in good frame of mind.

Congratulations on you poker success. That can carry on to other areas, or back to poker, as you choose. And I can see how it could be stressful, esp if a backer doesn't fully in his or her gut understand about streaks or tries to attribute more to a streak than is there.

One problem I ran into. In a general down period, I'm playing a good starting hand well, then fellow player raises. I then tend to play 'clunky' and damage control and not lose my 'investment' already in the pot, light years away from the light touch and the easy touch, and trusting my gut and the feel and texture of the hand, as well as the baseline odds. I think Wasicka (not sure) went through a losing streak and wrote one of the most difficult things to learn is that whereas a proper fold won't get you out of the hole, it will keep you from sliding further down and that's just as important.

Then, one can't go uber conservative. That's also a trap. It is genuinely a challenging game all the way around.

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You know, Taylor Branch who wrote "The Clinton Tapes: Wrestling History with the President " was on C-Span. And he said, following the president's affair with Monica and all the fallout, Clinton didn't feel he could do the big programmic initiatives and was reduced to "nickel and diming" and found this frustrating. But he found he could get more done "nickel and diming" then he thought. That is, he played with feel and texture instead of clunkily playing pocket Aces!

I agree completely. I am incredibly lucky at my current job. My immediate supervisor is really easy going. He doesn't get upset when I veer conversations off, he just veers them back on course. He always praises me. He often allows me to choose projects that are interesting to me (unless there are time-sensitive projects that need to get done fast). He utilizes my unique ability to analyze solutions and come up with a dozen reasons why it could fail. I read the book "Aspergers on the job" and he does much of the things that it recommends employers do.

There is also a guy there who started at around the same time as me who is like the polar opposite of me but who I work really well with. People have often told us that we argue constantly but we both thoroughly enjoy it (usually work related but sometimes just completely random things that send us racing to wikipedia and google to settle). He will also tell me if I was rude or arrogant to someone and put up with my corny jokes. Unfortunately, he is probably leaving at the end of the summer to finish his Master's degree so I need to find a replacement for him (one of the other programmers is similar to him but is way too easily offended, two are way too passive, but there is a new guy who just started last week who may work).

The company I work for is an online education company so many of the employees are teachers and I always got along well with most teachers. I was also really lucky to even get this job. My supervisor told me that I was probably the most nervous person he ever interviewed but I think the CEO of the company (who was also in the interview) might be a little aspergian. I suck at interviews. I was unemployed for 3 months once and probably went on 20 interviews without getting an offer. The previous 3 jobs I had before this were all landed mostly based off of tests poker dealer - had to show that I could deal correctly, first programming job - had a pre-interview programming test and was told that I was the only person who sent it back completed the same day, second programming job (after the 3 months of unemployment) - was given an IQ-type test for the first interview (they said they would call in a week but called the same day so I must have impressed) the second interview was a personality-type test (I must have bluffed my way through that one well enough...yeah I would totally rather go bowling than to a museum... )

I usually wear active noise cancellation headphones with the noise cancellation on but no music. I can still hear everyone at the table but it cancels out some of the background noise (like the slot machines near the poker room entrance) and they help me concentrate. I can still hear and talk to the people around me.



Yeah I hate that. You think you are about to win when someone suddenly bets into you or raises. A wise man once said, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..."



My regular cardroom has a promotion in the early mornings where they give you $100 if you get Aces cracked. That is like the best promotion ever because you can then play pocket Aces with zero fear.

That was more of a general statement, than a direct reply to you. Sorry, if that wasn't clear. I get the impression that some people who aren't able to hold down a job assume that someone who can doesn't has AS. I was directing my last line to that group of people (assuming there is a group of people that think that).

I take it you kind of build a team or can request who's going to be on your team?

We sometimes do a thing called pair programming or "extreme" programming where 2 programmers will team up on a project and completely plan it out, work out test plans, and other details and then code it together. I might also be promoted to more of a supervisory role and my company is considering opening an east coast office so I might be asked to run a programming team out of there. So I really have no idea what life will be like at work over the next few months.