I hug my daughter when she wants one or needs one and my husband for the same, but I really don't like hugs. Touchy feely people freak me out. It really feels smothering to me. I tense up so much when people hug me. It is just too much. I can't really explain the feeling well it just feels not nice. When I am hugged I close my eyes or look the other way and feel like pushing the person away. The only exception to this is my daughter and husband. They are the only two people I want to be close with, or really can be close with.
Joined: 14 Nov 2010 Age: 62 Gender: Male Posts: 728 Location: Toronto, Canada
07 Jun 2011, 12:26 am
I feel like they're invading my private space, without my permission. And unless they're having sex with me and I'm attracted to them, they're not invited.
Joined: 24 Dec 2010 Age: 43 Gender: Female Posts: 756 Location: Baltimore County
07 Jun 2011, 12:34 am
My 6th grade teacher once tried to hug me (unexpectedly)...once. I reacted like a trapped animal, just trying to get away. There wasn't any thought to it, it wasn't anything I could control, only apologize for afterwards - I have no idea what she thought. I don't fling myself halfway across the room to escape now; but I'm still not thrilled about hugs. Friendly-acquaintance half-hugs, I can deal with, but that's about the extent of it except with family.
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I don't want to hurt peoples' feelings or alienate them, so I swallow my discomfort and pretend to hug them back enthusiastically. When they swoop down upon me like pterodactyls with arms spread, I resist the urge to duck.
Joined: 1 Jun 2011 Age: 42 Gender: Male Posts: 1,279 Location: Las Vegas
07 Jun 2011, 1:03 am
Unless the hug comes from my mother, or an unbelievably attractive woman, I can't stand being touched. Even handshakes make me cringe.
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Joined: 4 Jun 2011 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 32
07 Jun 2011, 1:09 am
Very good topic.
For a long time I was extremely awkward with hugs. I've gotten better with them, but I'm still not comfortable with nearly any of them. For years if somebody hugged me I'd stand still and not lift my arms to hug back; I'd look like a plank just standing there. I just feel like it's not normal to encompass the body of another human being so closely for everyday occasions. I feel like it's an invasion of personal space. I'm not saying that in reality it is, but that's just how I feel about it. Now that I'm older and have more experience I've gotten a little bit better. I will reluctantly hug back (for example, during the holidays when I have to see a lot of family members). I do a quick little hug with my arms. For some reason I have to have my hands closed in a fist and only touch my arms to the body of the person that I'm hugging. I absolutely do NOT like the feeling of having my entire hand touch another persons body.
For whatever reason, the idea of just hugging somebody makes me uncomfortable. As does the idea of someone nicely touching their hand on my arm (for example). I can't stand being touched by touchy-feely people, it absolutely makes my skin crawl and makes me want to run off. But I could go off about that for a few paragraphs not relating to hugs, so I won't.
Joined: 17 May 2011 Age: 57 Gender: Male Posts: 136 Location: here
07 Jun 2011, 1:13 am
LawsOfIllusion wrote:
I hug my daughter when she wants one or needs one and my husband for the same, but I really don't like hugs. Touchy feely people freak me out. It really feels smothering to me. I tense up so much when people hug me. It is just too much. I can't really explain the feeling well it just feels not nice. When I am hugged I close my eyes or look the other way and feel like pushing the person away. The only exception to this is my daughter and husband. They are the only two people I want to be close with, or really can be close with.
Same here.
I nearly faint when my mother in-law hugs me (which is of course the only situation I encounter from time to time that I can't just step out of / away from) - and until recently my own mother knew better - but she's taken to hugging me too and I really don't like it - I don't know whether it's just old age or she's seeing me close with my wife and son so thinks the "issue" is gone.
I've been like that since a tiny child - is just the way I've always been.
_________________ "I'm not really a slow learner - it's just that I forget so darned quickly!."
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I refuse hugs from people I don't like.I feel sorta over stimulated when I get hugged.I do wanna hug people sometimes.I do kinda fantasize about snuggling with people.I sleep with a body pillow and stuffed animal.I do like the squeeze hugs though.My uncles used to hug me and squeeze my shoulders really tightly when I was really bad sensitive.That was when I flinched when people walked up to me.I think him doing that made me grow close to him.He squeeze hugs me I get angry.
I refuse hugs from people I don't like.I feel sorta over stimulated when I get hugged.I do wanna hug people sometimes.I do kinda fantasize about snuggling with people.I sleep with a body pillow and stuffed animal.I do like the squeeze hugs though.My uncles used to hug me and squeeze my shoulders really tightly when I was younger and had really bad AS.That was when I flinched when people walked up to me.I think him doing that made me grow close to him.He squeeze hugs me when I get angry.
Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Age: 71 Gender: Male Posts: 11,409
07 Jun 2011, 4:54 am
I often feel the need to be hugged but when it happens it's usually too much of a shock and I react as if I didn't want it to happen. I can't see it as a trivial thing like a lot of people do.
I feel like they're invading my private space, without my permission. And unless they're having sex with me and I'm attracted to them, they're not invited.
^^^ That's how I feel about hugs.
The usual scenario when someone hugs me without me asking for a hug is something like:
me: "Oh! OK. You can let go now!"
the hugger: "But I'm giving you a hug! It'll make you feel better!"
me: "E eh.. thanks... i guess... but seriously! Let go!"
I find it very uncomfortable and awkward
Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Gender: Male Posts: 65,780 Location: Over there
07 Jun 2011, 6:11 am
What happens when I get a hug?
It's much too personal and I go into a near panic; I go as stiff as a board and kind-of back away internally (if that makes any sense - I 'compact' and feel very small).
I notice way too many things about the 'hugger' for comfort and that only makes it all worse. It's like the sensory input control has been turned up to maximum sensitivity and there's a massive roaring input of data.
If a hug is launched unexpectedly then I flinch away from it, but if it's advertised well enough in advance I've learned to control the flinching and endure it.
Can't be much fun for the hugger though, hugging an ironing board.
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Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 4,964 Location: Canada
07 Jun 2011, 6:17 am
Hugs are ok from intimates and children. Otherwise, yuck. I can think of two alternatives:
(1) if somebody's coming at you with arms extended, grab their hands, smile and say something;
(2) if it's too late to grab their hands, get your hands up and grab their shoulders, smile etc.
Both of these should buy you some space. Of course, there's always the "Don't Touch Me" dance but that takes so much energy.
Joined: 6 Jun 2011 Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 160 Location: In a sea of dreams and nightmares
07 Jun 2011, 7:19 am
Unless it's from my man, I get all stiff and awkward and end up looking very strange. I also have issues with my hands accidentally touching someones else's. It just feels weird. Anytime someone passes something to me, like change at a store I try to avoid touching their hand. It doesn't always work, I feel like some people touch my hand on purpose!