Looking for diagnosis in Oregon

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If any psychologist reads here, or if anyone knows a good one familiar with adult asperger's let me know. I don't have money or insurance, if I can get a rate quote that is not impossible I can maybe stress family relations to borrow some.

This is a stab in the dark. My SSI appeal (6 months in now) will be 100% denied because I do not have any official diagnosis of anything. I have not even filed the appeal because the whole process has not been easy on me and I have nothing in my favor, the deadline is soon.

My paid evaluation was a disaster. It was a hauntingly miserable experience. On my part, I was unable to show any kind of character or explain any of my problems. I'm not used to talking in any great length to anyone, so it was hard to tell personal things to a stranger I met 60 seconds prior, at a rapid pace.

Because I had been in a long relationship, and shorter ones after that one ended, I am socially strong enough in a work environment... He didn't ask about any of the many problems in my relationship that were very aspergers related (I didn't know anything about it at the time). The people that have been in my life make exceptions for me, I don't go to restaurants, social events, bars, or funerals. But, I will follow anyone anywhere for the experience, even if it's something I am not interested in, if I don't have to talk to people and there will be little or no focus directly on me. I have explored the world and a large variation of social scenes in this manner, like a personal journalist reporting the story to gather dust in my brain. It's kind of an unspoken rule, I've never needed to say I have a problem or identify what the problem is, people got used to my behavior.

I didn't feel like I was in the presence of a professional. I understand that I was probably painting a mental picture for him at a preschool level.

I can't say I play dumb for people, but I do something of the sort. I can't converse without substance. I can't be asked a question and speak to a wall. His professional psychiatrist tone and behavior gave way to character, a character that laughed at me. I mentioned I get stuck on projects, and there have been many many projects. He asked for an example and I locked up, I didn't know which to say. Which one would show my ability? Too much time went by for him, maybe 30 seconds, and he impatiently asked for my last one. A worm box. He chuckled a little, and I continued about how I designed and engineered it and ..... he tilted his head back and continued to chuckle. We moved on, I wanted it to be over. Up until this point I had hope I may get some help.

Well the truth is, it is not a great breakthrough in engineering. But it's my own design 4x10 feet, steel cable suspension floor with a vibrating sifter. It's used to turn manure and food waste into soil, in mass quantities. I read for a week in 10 hour sessions about worm behavior and their needs for temperature and habitat. I looked over several smaller scale plans and even some really nice large scale ones. Mine has things others dont.

I should have mentioned my working stirling engine. That would have sounded better, even though Im more proud of other things. It was going to power a greenhouse fan but I never built the greenhouse, and it probably wouldnt get enough sun. But put heat on it, and it would run. I made made my own pistons out of fiberglass, notched and ringed them with high temp rubber. The pistons and bending a camshaft were the hard parts. I've focused on things like this all the time, and one leads to the next. I've learned electronics fixing arcade games and building weird computer based system like a touchscreen 10" mp3/video back when a laptop was too slow to play video and screens had tubes in them. I learned fiberglass and carbon fiber mouldings and wanted to make musical instruments but didnt have funds. I weld and build things out of bicycle parts, and picked up sewing an upholstery.

But instead, Im laughed at for saying worm box. And even though I'm trying to explain that it's not just a box for worms, his mind was made up. People act different when they think they are in the presence of an idiot. I know this well! The mood changed, everything I said floated around the room while he penciled away any hope of help.

Near the end he ran through the standard memory tests. I knew to remember the 3 words but I was so distracted remembering them I couldnt communicate well in between. I couldn't count down from 100 by small integers because I was stressed. Check another box for idiot.

I also get severe migraines with aura. I can feel them early and relax enough to avoid them, but not long after I get mild visual issues and then dull pain, followed by intense pounding pain. I then lay in a dark room. I vomit from the pain when I have to be on my feet too long for instance getting to the bathroom. These only last about a day or two, I used to have them for 3-5 days. It's a miserable existence though and I'm underweight and anemic a lot because of them. I have old records for this, but they were just headaches to this guy because everyone says they have migraines while they're walking around doing things.

It's impossible to find an employer that will be ok with my lack of social skills for any possible customer service, my lack of social community involvement in the workplace, my inability to work around others, and the stress of a workplace would increase the frequency of migraines without a doubt. You can't work in this world and randomly need 1-3 days off without notice, often. On top of this, some nights I can't sleep because I'm worried about things.. like now.

To the SSI office at this point, I'm labeled an idiot who doesn't want to work. And I'm pretty sure he thought I was a drug addict as well, he didn't sound convinced when I said I don't do drugs, drink, or smoke (I've only smoked pot a few sessions in my life, and drank even less, no hard drugs ever). I called and asked for another evaluation and didn't get a call back, my case was transfered to someone I never talked to and I was denied a second time. He told me at the end he saw no signs of aspergers and even if he did, lot's of successful people have it and I don't have a case.

Well I can't work, I'm 29 and have never been on a payroll. Never had a real job. I have done lots of odd things on my own to make money but the modern world doesn't leave much room to be on your own anymore. I'm stuck without money except food benefits that I'm extremely happy to have, but it's not enough to buy good food that I can gain weight on ($6 a day). The only good news is I'm learning to cook basics like everyone should be doing, but it gets thin at the end of the month.

Lots of meandering. But if the first 2 paragraphs are important.

you might try contacting Roger Myer or read on his website for information. There is a group here that Roger moderates that many of us go to where you might find companionship if you seek that too.

There is a certain irony here - the people who milk SSI (or worker's comp, food stamps, housing assistance, or any other program - you name it) usually are people who know how to play the system. There are people whose full-time "job" is to work the system to get benefits. I've encountered them, including a "disabled" guy at an apartment building who was remarkably able-bodied and did things no disabled person ought to do. He collected some kind of checks and never worked. If I had been a truly cynical person, I would start thinking work was for suckers.

Yet people who might have a legitimate claim to benefits and who might actually need them are not socially able to work the system to their benefit. That's life, I guess.