People telling you to stand up for yourself

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It's funny - I think nothing of standing up for myself with relatives. It's really easy, and I require no thinking because I just do it automatically, and sometimes it causes arguments, but they are easily solved. But I just cannot do it with friends or people at work. I'm scared it will cause an argument, and then hostility, and then an atmosphere - and I don't like the thought of being the cause of all that. It's hell being me.

I get that too, I have been reluctant to stand up for myself since being about 11 (when I started secondary school. I did stand up for myself a few times, but I always seemed to get it wrong, either saying the wrong things in the wrong way, or using the wrong amount of "stand up". I try to avoid being around pushy people, because they just annoy me.
I still do it now, but I'm working on it.

My biggest worry regarding this is how it affects my kids. (also with possible asd) and I worry my example won't encourage them to stand up for themselves. I also worry that I do not know what skills to teach them to be better able to deal with these sort of things are. Its not much use just telling them my biggest regrets are all aboout being pushed around by other people and not standing up for myself.

I think it may be self esteem related?

I think it may well be. I have no self-esteem at all. Most people have at least low, moderate or high self-esteem, but I have none - absolute zero self-esteem. I hate myself, I feel people laugh at me, I feel I am stupid and worthless, I feel people are out to get me, and I feel unattractive and weird, and I feel everything I do is wrong, no matter how hard I try. My self-esteem might rise a bit if people prove that they like me and make me feel worthy, and when I have a friend ring me up, or I go and meet friends, or even if a man gives me the eye, my self-esteem rises a little, making me feel more confident in myself. But when I get people behaving that they don't like me, or giving me the impression that they don't like me (for example, people at work saying hello nicely to other people but not to me, even though I smile and say hello to them), it makes me feel so low.

I just need to harden up a bit, but where do I start? I care too much of what others think of me, and if I did try to harden up, I would probably do something wrong, and be pushed back even further. There is just no answer, because I am not cut out to be confident.

Bingo. It never works out.

It's the "walking away from confrontations" Catch-22. If you fight someone, you're a coward for using abuse to solve your problems. If you walk away, you're a coward for avoiding the confrontation.

I've gotten yelled at for not standing up for myself, from people who apparently didn't realize what a bully they sounded like when they yelled at me like that. I've also had to deal with people intentionally provoking me just to see what I'll do, under the phony assumption that they're somehow helping me.

When I was 19 I got bullied by a 14-year-old. I know this sounds silly, but it was a whole crowd of them against me, and I felt very apprehensive. They didn't live in the same town as me, but they lived in the town where I normally went to do shopping and go to my volunteer job. They threatened to beat me up, and the gang were all bigger than me - doesn't matter about the age. And they weren't kidding either, because I heard they had beaten up someone else before.
And I knew full well that if I did see them in the street when I was on my own and they started on me, I wouldn't be able to hit them to defend myself, because I would be the one getting into trouble, because of me being the adult and them being the kids. It's really not fair. All of my relatives stuck up for me, and it's a long story how it got sorted out, but at least the bullies are off my back now, and I haven't even seen them since the incident.

[quote="Joe90"]When I was 19 I got bullied by a 14-year-old. I know this sounds silly

That doesn't sound silly. I would be terrified if I was confronted like that by a group of 14 year olds, especially if they were known to be violent. (and I'm much more than 19)

It's really hard to stand up to a boss because they have all of the power.
The only power that a worker has is that he can quit a job and this was an option when the economy was good. It seems that most neurotypical people that I know of are not afraid of standing up for themselves because they know if they get fired they can always get another job. In a way standing up for yourself makes a lot of sense because if the boss perceives you as worthless you are on your way to getting fired sooner or later.