Rewinding conversations looking for mistakes

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soloha
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18 Jul 2017, 11:02 am

I'm in the middle of writing something to help convent some of the things that are difficult for me. Can anyone relate to the part about rewinding conversations? Is this a thing for anyone else?

"I struggle socially. I don't really have any friends; I think I drive them away. I've only been in one romantic relationship. The level of interaction required to have one seems like an insurmountable obstacle so I avoid dating. I often have a poor sense of what's socially appropriate and it gets me into trouble. I'm prone to staying "dumb" stuff. I put a lot of energy into hiding my quirks and trying not to do things to drive people away. The thought, "Don't mess this up ... Don't mess this up ..." is a constant companion when I'm dealing with people. Any time I have a conversation with someone, as soon as I get a moment alone, I will rewind it in my head to see what I messed up - because I mess up a lot. I'm always anxious over it"



SocOfAutism
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18 Jul 2017, 11:22 am

Yes, that happens to a lot of people, especially autistic people. Come to think of it, it probably happens to most people to some degree. It can be crippling if you hyperfocus on it.

The reason I say it happens to autistics especially is because it's a common autistic strength to find errors in a series of correct things.

I don't know if this helps, but 9 times out of 10 the other person you're talking to is mostly focused on themselves, not on what you're doing or saying.

Have you tried distracting yourself when you're having a conversation, so that you can't put all your attention on what's going on? Maybe then you can't come back to it and pick it apart as much? I don't know if that could work- just throwing it out there.



Dear_one
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19 Jul 2017, 1:33 pm

I also re-play conversations a lot, wondering what I've missed, but I seldom find anything. Mostly, I wonder what illogical impressions people have gotten, and that seems like an infinite set of possibilities.
Agreed that most people will not notice most things. If someone asks how you are feeling and you answer "Moderately suicidal" in a cheery, upbeat tone of voice, they will move right on to the next topic.



KiannaKitter
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19 Jul 2017, 2:53 pm

No so much looking for mistakes. For me its more about not coming up with the great comebacks to a conversation until hours later and kicking myself for not being able to think on my feet fast enough. That annoys the crap out of me. I will just sit there thinking: "I wish I had said this or why didn't I say that?!" I am getting better though. :D


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Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. It's a waste of time.
Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks - love them.
Without those things you wouldn't be you and why would you want to be someone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile.
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BirdInFlight
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19 Jul 2017, 7:16 pm

I totally do this almost all the time. Same thing as Kianna said too -- I'm usually kicking myself later for not saying things I wish I'd said, or making a response that would have been in my better interests or that would have been a better defense against something the person said that didn't sit right with me, but I was too slow processing it to come up with the right thing to say at the time.

I have normal to slightly above average intelligence but slow processing or slow "thinking on my feet." It's torture to be this way.



Dear_one
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19 Jul 2017, 7:50 pm

In normal conversation, I feel as if I have to abandon my fate to an alternate personality that can react fast enough, and then find out later what it has made me responsible for.