What things SHUT DOWN your "social" abilities?

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Fellow Autistics please lend me your experiences.

I know that some days I am able to be more socially "able" and flexible. I can now Language what I think allows me to be more able but want to hear from others.

What I mean is this... Some days a change in my schedule will cause me to go insane. Other days I can handle it. On these same days, I am more aware of people and able to BLEND better. Over the years I have become quite flexible and able to deal quite well with people. I think I know why this is. Can you tell me if you experience the same and what is the root cause of the ups/downs?

Thanks

Uh ...

Everything?

I was just thinking in the seconds before I read this how completely clueless I seem to be about the social environment. It's like I hear all the language, even have plenty of ways to respond, but have no real connection to any of the 'real' social communication. I'm always figuring out how I should respond rather than responding correctly by nature.

So my process is atypical to start with.

I suppose if you ask what interrupts this process, I could answer.

Any situation that requires an immediate understanding of the social communication short circuits my ability to reason through to a response.

Any situation that is an attempt to communicate anything of substance removes eye contact from the conversation. I have to focus intently on what I am trying to communicate and I lose the awareness of the people around me to some degree.

I have become more flexible as I get older, but still have troubles. Part of this is that I have incorporated 'flexibility' as a required element of my inflexible point of view. It is very hard to get me to change how I view things. But having 'flexibility' as a valid data point in my construct allows me to push the annoyance into a more abstract place - sort of like a random quantum event taking place. Stuff happens that is allowed even if at variance with what would be desirable. OK. How's that for weird?

Lack of sleep has a huge influence on how my social abilities react. Unfortunately sleep has been a lifelong torture for me (although the current use of Mirapex has helped a lot when I do fall asleep).

The other thing is what I call my 'background anxiety level' or the level of general anxiety I feel at any given moment. It is often hard for me to know when I am getting more anxious but I do look for things that trigger it; noises, light, any of my sensitivities, etc. If I lower the anxiety then my social abilities go up.

* Too many people. I mean 3+ and I start to just fade away socially and just listen. A few times I've just fallen asleep.
* Too much noise
* Sudden, unexpected changes
* Sometimes I have no idea. It's like my language just turns itself to 10% and I struggle with stringing a sentence together.
* Sometimes a really inane argument will just shut me down. There's literally no point to trying to continue to argue because the argument itself is ridiculous.
* Anything can, really.


I'm not sure if these are the kinds of answers you wanted.

Too many people - More than five for me since my family consist of five other members and I can handle them well
Lack of sleep - Sometimes I don't even try to make sentences make sense when I am tired
Too much noise or other sensory input - If I am in a place that is loud or has lots of tvs/bright colors/flashing lights, ect I don't really have the ability to talk for a while, especially when combined with too many people. But after a while I can learn to block things out a little, but not as much as I would want.
My period - This just ruins everything.
Emotional upset or my mind being somewhere else - For this to cause communication problems is pretty normal I'd say.

Getting interrupted when I'm in the middle of something, having too many loud sounds competing in the background, being yelled at because someone doesn't understand where I'm coming from. All these things cause me to shut down, especially socially. I just get too overwhelmed to have any kind of response.

Whoa...

This is awesome. I was not even thinking environmental (like noisey places). I like this VERY MUCH because it adds more fuel to the fire that is burning in me right now. Bwaaa Haaaa Haaaa!

Guys we are gonna change the world with these thoughts if I have my way (I always do).

Okay so flow with me here as I make you all take a turn-around.....

What things 'cause you to get "better" in those otherwise crappy situations?

What helps you?

In my own experience (over many years) I can say that self-esteem (AKA confidence) has been the biggest contributor to my ability to be more flexible. As I was confident enough that the anxiety did not destroy me, I could bend my mind a tiny bit. When that was a sucess, I then had more confidence.... It was a continous uphill swirl.

Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people. When this happens, I become very blunt and rude, according to other people. This can be for many reasons, most, if not all, have already been listed above.

But what helps? First of all, having something to actually talk about always helps. It also helps when I'm not trying to do anything else, and when there's not a whole lot going on.

I need a quiet place to retreat to recover.

Written communication.

This helps to push 'real' content to the fore and implied information to the rear. It allows me time to think through a response, even if only for a few minutes or even seconds rather than having to deal with an often uneven cadence in my vocal rhythms. I don't have to both listen and think of a response. I don't have to hold in working memory multiple ideas or threads of a conversation.

But I find many people don't like written forms. Anything that can't be digested in a few seconds seems to get passed over. It seems like a quick answer is accepted as long as it 'feels' right as compared to a complex answer that may be more accurate but requires too much explanation.

I am SOOOOO glad to see this one listed. This school I visited last week does NOT have a sensory friendly room. And the teacher there claims it isn't needed. The school has around 30 autistic people in it.

Sigh.....

I prefer written communication as well. If I have trouble understanding it, I can reread it. Asking people to repeat their words over & over only makes them mad.

Crazy! How do some of the kids function if they're on the spectrum? I have to have a quiet place.

THIS is huge!! ! Thanks for confirming what I am also saying.

Usually if I shut down, its due to a lack of sleep, or an emotional/social situation I am obsessing over...and usually it is both.

I also need a quiet, distraction free place to recover when I am overloaded...no social contact or anyone asking what is wrong. I like to talk about things afterwards but not when I am bawling my eyes out.

More than one person at a time. Talking to two people is infinitely more difficult than talking to one person.