asperger=loner

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If I wanted to hang out with others, I'd call them and go meet up somewhere. But I don't. Call that being a loner if you want to.

I am most definitely a loner. I can handle being around people for a little while, but I must have time by myself too. Socializing drains my batteries, being alone recharges them.

"It's almost like extraverts discover and access their interests through other people, while introverts discover and access people through their interests - they each have a different base or starting point. As for myself, I don't just feel like I've lost energy, but I actually feel like I've lost touch with myself, like I'm not fully living, when I spend too much time interacting with others, and too little time tending my root - that is, my interests."

Kon, your above quote really resonated with me. Thanks for putting it so succinctly. Also, "...too much time interacting with others..." may actually be another way of saying 'indulging others' or 'performing NTness' since Aspies are (too) often coerced into modeling behaviors that meet with others' approval. Would you agree? ...you say to-MAY-toe, i say to-MAH-toe... Either way, it can get rather tiring and, yes, self-distancing.


I'm becoming much more of a loner by NT standards...don't much want to invest lots of effort into coordinating with NT's and their events/ways of being. - Am probably just getting worn out from performing-on-demand. But. Am becoming much less of a loner by 'Aspie Standards' (?) ...wanting more and more to socialize via posting, e-mails, letters, and face-to-face with those I'm much more likely to have good relations. 'Good' relations according to my (relatively) recently revamped ideals/definitions. ...So, short answer: I am/am not a loner, according to how it's measured.

Dae

I've always craved solitude. The only reason I wanted friends as a kid was to lecture them about my special intrests and to boss them around. I'm happy being a loner. My bearded dragon and cat are all the company I need.

I have no desire at all to meet people, make friends, or be in crowds. I'm not sure if AS is the reason why, but I'm definitely a loner.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversi ... troversion

Read that......

Introversion isn't something thats diagnosed or otherwise "recognized" by someone besides yourself. Its simply a preference (though its debatable where this preference comes from, some people claim its hard wired, others believe it can be chosen, and changed if the desire is there). Do you, when you have free time, prefer to be around others or on your own? Do you find that being on your own leaves you more "Recharged" vs time with friends? Do you find that being with friends leaves you feeling more charged?

Another thing to is that, introversion tends to come out more as one gets older. Young kids have energy that you lose by the time you're 20-24, so putting up with things you didn't have any issues with when you were younger becomes more obviously tiring. Theres also alot of pressure on kids in school to socialize, Extroverted or not.

Aperger's is a Disorder characterized by miss-communication in most if not all social situations. As a result those with Asperger's tend to learn to avoid social situations as a result of frustration, anger, even fear, or a host of other feelings with connotations of negativity coming out of negative experiences. That said, Asperger's doesn't equate to introversion, but I would wager most AS describe themselves as being Introverted, because being around people is a huge a drain on their resources to deal with them. I would further posit that being diagnosed with Asperger's is likely to create a statistical probability of being Introverted at some point in their life, probably starting no later then their 20s, with a high probability of earlier occurrence.

The above paragraph being stated, I feel it also needs to be mentioned that not all AS are going to be Loners/Introverts. There is evidence on this board that there are in fact Extrovert AS. There are several active threads here that demonstrate this IMHO. And though an Extroverted AS is still likely to have difficulties communicating, but through a series of more positive experiences are more likely to have learned more quickly how to cope with "Social Deficiencies" their AS is likely to have caused them, and learned to enjoy company more. I haven't yet spoken with anyone here, nor seen anyone here, openly accuse themselves of being extroverted (lol), but Ive seen some people talk about generally happier experiences dealing with people, in certain situations/scenarios. But these are definitely the Exception rather then the Rule.

Hope that helps, and thank you for reading if you have.

Edited to add this:
Yes, I oversimplified an AS charachterization, but one that Im getting the sense most, if not all AS I seem to have encountered here seems to agree on. But going with acceptance of exceptions rather then rules, please realize that I have no intent to say that all AS are exactly identical in this one characterization.

I'm learning that my ability to hang out with people is directly related to the amount of noise going on. The more noise, the more I retreat into myself and the less social I become.

I think most NTs like noise and pick noisy places to hang out, so I end up being a loner because the quiet places disturb NTs.

I struggled to make friends even as a kid. The other girls would be in their groups during breaktime, talking about their my little ponies, and no matter how hard I tried, I could never join in. I would just barge in, I believe, and start sharing about my own things, and it didn't go down well. I was bullied throughout my school life. I had a couple of friends and would go to their homes to play, but from what I am told, I tried to control the games and I said things that upset them.

Once I hit 11, that was it really, aside from one girl who stuck by me and defended me against the others, and a few who tried to befriend me and have me stay round their home (sisters, one of whom is on the autistic spectrum herself), I was pretty much alone.

Now, as an adult, although I get lonely, I tend not to even try to get involved in activities in rl that involve people. I used to have friends on Second Life, but most of those drifted away as I seem to end up talking too much about a single topic and it puts people off. The only company I have now is with a male I believe to be aspie and we see one another most evenings, but whereas I am terrible at mingling at places we go, he has no issues approaching and talking to people (though it is never small talk or the like).

I think I have always preferred to just have one or two people I spend time with and get to know. I find that much easier. The problem comes when they finally lose their patience and you are left alone again, and even more reticent to even try establishing human connections.

OP: Just about every single thing you described there is like how I'd describe myself. This is definitely to do with aspergers.

The only friends i ever hang out with is the handfull that i surf with... and when we hang out i mean we eat or surf... thats about it... i dont really go out to places with the rest of them... but when i do i find i end up just wanting to leave and go to the closest Maccas for some food... which is funny because my closest friend only just told me that the only way to get me to have a proper conversation is to catch me when im eating...

loner? yes.
lonely? no.

I was not introverted at school, though I didn’t have many friends. Five or six with whom I fished or had class with. I am not a loner, though I do like being on my own most of the time, but I can fake social. I have many friends, most of whom would never know I am N-Nt. I like to spend days camping on my own miles from anywhere, and miles from people.
But I can and do spend time with 60 or more people, regular camping or just having a bit of a party. So long as it is not at all noisy or crowded. I can deal with more now than I could as a Kid, it just take practice and time to recover “me” afterwards.
I think if you practice enough you can work out what it takes to “fit in” you just have to want it more than sitting in a room on your own for the rest of your life.