My parents don't believe that I have asperger's

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I have recently done a lot of research on asperger's and taken some online tests (which say that I very likely have asperger's) and I tried talking to my parents about it but they won't believe me. I really think that I'm an aspie after learning so much about it and relating to it, but my parents keep telling me that I'm just shy. I've told them all the ways in which I show symptoms and I even made my dad take one of the online tests because I thought that maybe he had aspergers and that was why he thought all of these symptoms that I was listing were normal. However his score was very low. It was difficult for me to explain to them that I lack in the empathy department, but I decided to do it because I thought that maybe it would convince them. In response my dad told me that I was just cold-hearted. This was all very surprising because my parents have always supported me no matter what. I guess this is all just a shock to them and they don't want anything to be too incredibly different about me, because they think that it might negatively affect my life. I know that they need time to accept this, but I really want to go to a therapist about being an aspie as soon as possible. By the way I'm sixteen so I kind of need their approval before I start therapy. If anyone could give me some advice on how to convince them to let me get help please let me know, thanks in advance

I think, you are completely right about what is going on in the heads of your parents, but "coldhearted" is rather harsh verdict from your father, - even in self defence. (Parents have a tendency to fear, that any problem, their children might have, is their fault).
Could you talk to somebody at school, - a teacher? The school psychologist?
Are you depressed, anxious or anything like that?

A double

Last edited by Jensen on 03 Oct 2013, 1:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

A double

Last edited by Jensen on 03 Oct 2013, 1:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Kayla, Welcome to WP. It is very frustrating to go through this. I think The idea of going through your school may be your best option if you want to pursue this now. Otherwise, if you are able to wait two more years until you are of legal age that might be the best option. Finding out whether or not you are Aspie does not make you a different person, you are still the same person. If you live in the United States, I recommend that you talk to a a counselor at school as soon as you can. Because in the US a diagnoses before the age of 18 will let you be eligible for help. If you get it after 18, it drastically cuts down the help you can get and the resources that are available to you. If you live in the UK you can get good help even if you are diagnosed as an adult. But a counselor at your school will be a great place to start. Parents are often hard to convince because it is very personal to them and it is very scary for them. A lot of people here have and are going through the exact same thing so you are in good company. But stick around. We are really glad to have you here and we will all support you.

If at all possible, I'd try to get an official diagnosis. That way you'd know with absolute certainty.

I haven't talked to my parents about it yet much either, but mom brushed it off when I brought it up saying her and dad experienced similar things and I was just shy. I haven't showed her the tests and explained stuff more in depth yet though. I'm 17 so I'd like to try to get a diagnosis soon if I can. Maybe if you show them the diagnostic criteria it would help. If you're in the US, I think this is it, someone correct me if I'm wrong: http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism ... c-criteria
No Asperger's, just ASD Level 1.

You do realize that there's nothing a therapist can do for you?

Autism has no cure and no effective treatment. You could be put through Behavioral Therapy, but that's just being told "never behave the way that feels natural to you" and you'll get plenty of that advice from the real world.

I understand the desire to seek an evaluation, just don't expect that it's going to "fix" any problems you have.


As far as your parents are concerned, I think the online tests are not the best way to convince a skeptic - they look at those in much the same way that they look at daily horoscopes or a Magic Eight Ball. Try citing more authoritative sources and it might help to write it all down, in a coherent presentation (no more than a couple of pages) so they can see your reasoning backed up with serious research.

Although it is ironic that the term "cold hearted" pretty much means "lacking in empathy" to most minds. However, that's actually a lack of Sympathy - technically, Empathy is the ability to recognize and respond appropriately to nonverbal signals, which can make you appear unsympathetic, but it doesn't mean you don't have feelings for the suffering of others, just that you're clumsy at demonstrating that compassion.

Thanks for replying! I do know that going to a therapist isn't going to "fix" me, I just want to go because there's a therapist in my town who specializes in aspergers and I thought that maybe she could help me figure out if I really am an aspie, like I think I am. And I will definitely take your advice on making a short presentation for them, I think that would help a lot.

Keep in mind that online test scores mean very little when it comes to proving that you are autistic. If you are going to try to explain that you are use memories that they were a part of to explain why you think you are autistic. There is a good chance you just have adhd, socially awkward, or are shy.

Thanks for your advice, but I think my parents would be upset if I went and talked to someone at school about this, and seeing as they are already pretty upset I don't really want to cause them any more stress. I think I will just keep trying to convince them. And as for the whole depressed thing, I have been but I'm fine now. However I do get anxious a lot.

You can try convincing your parents to take you to a psychiatrist, but I wouldn't.
I also suspect Asperger's.
My mother firmly believes without a doubt that I have Asperger's, but is adamant that I should not go to a psychiatrist to know for sure. She wants to talk about it all the time with me.
My dad firmly believes I do not have Asperger's (at least that's what he tells me), and he prefers not to discuss it at all.
I really just want to know (closure). So, with both my parents a dead end to an evaluation, I will wait until I can go to a psychiatrist myself.

I recommend talking to your parents. If they are willing to take you to a psychiatrist- great. If not, there's nothing to do but wait until you're 18 (or whatever legal age is in your country).

Sorry that I didn't mention this before, but I have tried using memories and stuff. They still weren't convinced haha. Thanks for your advice though!