I HATE this mother's attitude

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I hate that kind of mentality as well. I may have gone a bit comment crazy on the video. I can't stand that. It's a crappy thing to say to ANY person that is being bullied. I went from young childhood through early high school being fed that same crap. It is not a good feeling to be hurting and tell the adults in your life only to be advised to "Suck it up.". And that whole "people with asperger's can be dangerous when provoked" thing touched a nerve. It implied that because of our asperger's we can be dangerous when provoked. Very nearly any living creature can be dangerous when provoked.

Disclaimer: I do understand this is not your fault. My comments are not directed at you, but simply in response to what you said.

If the system can't get rid of the bullies, then the freaking system needs to be ripped apart and put back together in a completely different way. Any system that forces victims into contact with bullies is a violation of basic human rights.

Not only should the kid tell the teachers AND the principal, so should the parent. You know, when a bully gets bullied the FIRST thing the parent of the bully does is go crying to the teacher without hesitation. It's so ironic because when their child is bullying other kids their response is for grownups to stay out of it because kids need to learn to navigate situations on their own blah blah blah but when the tables are turned and the bully gets punched their parents are talking to the teachers and principals demanding something be done. The parents honestly believe their child can do no wrong. A lot of times the parents are just as good at manipulating as their kids- it's who the kids learned it from.

Telling is the best way to handle it and bullies and their parents know it, they just don't want anyone to tell on them.

Also, just because the mother is at her wits end, doesn't mean she had very many wits about her in the first place.
As the girls parent, it's her SOLE responsibility to teach her daughter how to deal with terrible people, bullies at school won't be the last time she'll have to deal with bullies.
Telling her to 'just walk away' is not fulfilling her role as a parent, it's just her way of washing her hands of the whole situation and not getting involved with her daughters wellbeing (emotionally and physically).
If she actually cared, she'd do SOMETHING about it.

My boyfriend had his own issues with bullies, and his mother told him "if they keep giving you trouble, just punch them once in the mouth, if you get in trouble, I'll sort it out"
Of course, he got in trouble and she was called in to pick him up from school, after she explained that it was her suggestion because of the inept school administration not doing anything about it they let it slide and actually did something about dealing with the bullies.
Sometimes hands need to be forced, especially when the mother is so witless that she can't think of anything else to help solve the problem.

How do you know she hasn't tried but it's like talking to a wall? Again, you blame the victim.

Plenty of assertive people get assaulted, people who come from good families with assertive parents and because no one bothers to stop creeps when they are young and first begin bullying, they end up
victims.

Do you honestly believe all victims of assault are victimized because they had a mom like this?

I have the feeling you're trolling now.

First Im blaming the mother, now I'm blaming the victim?

We're talking about bullying here, not assault.

And No, I don't 'believe all victims of assault are victimized because they had a mom like this?', because we're talking about bullying, in the context of bullying (it doesn't have to be physical to be bullying).

And we know the mother hasn't tried, because of those videos where she yaps on incessantly about how she told her daughter to just walk away, rather than doing anything practical.

Just because I disagree does not make me a troll.

The mother and the child are both victims of these bullies. Physical bullying is a form of assault. Very much so and should be treated as such. Verbal and emotional bullying is more like harassment.
By bullying the child, it is affecting the mother.

You don't know the history from just those videos. People are judging this lady too harshly. If her daughter experienced anything remotely like what I did, it is much more complicated than most posting on here realize. It is not a matter of yelling and punching then *poof* the bully magically disappears.

No, twisting what I've said, liberal usage of strawman arguments and basically trying to get a rise out of me is what makes you a potential troll.

Projecting your personal experiences on to what we're talking about right now doesn't mean that what is actually happening mirrors what happened to you either, all it means is that you're projecting.
Of course it's not a matter of yelling and punching them, and then 'poof' the bully disappears, I never suggested that.

'Maybe her mother should have taken a more active role in supporting her daugther than telling her to "just walk away" and then discussing it on the internet' is what I suggested, and teaching her to stand up for herself and to use the resources available to her is far more effective than 'just walk away'.
If the school is going to be recalcitrant and not help her, then she has no choice but to give them a good punch in the teeth (or even just the threat of it), and blow the lid off of the whole situation.

Let me give you an excellent example.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxBAy3901kc

As you can clearly see, 'just walking away' is about as useful as a paper umbrella, it doesn't work, it's never worked, it never will work.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/nati ... 6021940542

Casey was mercilessly bullied for quite some time, and he finally bit back and bodyslammed one of the kids targetting him.
He got suspended for it, and it ended up in the news, And, as you suggested, the other kid and his parents decided to try and manipulate the system by claiming Casey was actually the bully.
It didn't take long for it to fall apart, and while Casey got suspended in the end for standing up for himself, he still did it.

Just teaching your kid to 'walk away' is teaching them to ignore the problem and run away from it, rather than trying to sort it out.
To reiterate my point (and most people here's experiences) most of the time the people in charge just cannot be bothered to help you, so you have to learn how to help yourself.

(And to be clear, I'm not advocating this sort of physical response for any form of bullying, if anything, respond in kind.
That video highlights it very well, most bullies will pick on easy targets because they're easy targets. Casey was three times the size of the other kid, yet the kid wasn't afraid to walk up and hit him. To show that you aren't a weak target that's easy to exploit will usually get them to look for something easier to mess with)

Disagreeing with what someone posts is not trying to get a rise out of them. It is disagreeing and nothing more.

Discussing it on the internet might be her way of expressing herself, hoping to get some feedback.

Telling a kid to walk away from a bully is not bad advice. If someone is being emotionally or verbally abusive, it's great if you can keep from responding because that is what the bully wants. It is very difficult to not respond which is why the kid and the parent need to tell the teacher and demand it be stopped and to keep telling the teacher and principal until it is stopped. This is the best way to empower yourself is my point. Heck, it's what the bullies and their parents know they just want to psyche you out by making you think that it's snitching or something.

If the bullying has escalated into violence imo it's time to get cops involved. There's nothing wrong in involving them if things go too far.

i like your avatar i've seen that car alot in gran turismo. i even owned one in each game i played.

anyway my parents are like that as well, when i get attacked or bullied they tell me to just drop it or let it go, even when i found that cartoon haters site that were picking on me directly and stalking me around the web through my email.

then i see my dad always fighting with others "mostly banks or credit card companies, swearing\threatening etc..." and here they wonder where i get it from, my mom one day after church went through a meltdown because of the teaching on baptism [she sees it one way they see it another way].

and they tell me not to do that, i'm only doing because i learn more from actions then words. [i may have slight mirror syndrome or something like it].

Misrepresenting what someone posts is either trolling, or intellectually dishonest, look up "strawman" when you get a chance. It is dishonest and nothing more.
Discussing it on the internet might also be her way of looking for support for a flawed approach.
While walking away isn't bad advice, it's not the best advice.
If someone starts teasing you, sure, but if it's advanced to bullying, clearly walking away isn't effective.
Running off to get someone else to sort it out isn't empowering yourself, it's empowering some sort of authority figure, all it does is train bullies to be more careful of who is watching.
Standing up for yourself is the only way to empower *yourself*, to have the confidence to stand your ground and not take s**t from someone is FAR more empowering than deferring to an authority figure.
Remember, bullies go after kids because they wont bite back, there's no need to get the cops involved if you'd bother to teach your kids not to take crap from other kids.
As I said earlier, "Remember the generation that you raised", it's the parent's responsibility to raise an adult, not a whipping boy.

What if the bullying is happening outside of school? The teachers cant, and wont do anything about it.
Cops have better things to do than deal with kids, and in the end its one kids word against another.
You could mitigate the entire issue by... teaching your kids how to deal with conflict! :O

I mean, clearly you're not reading my posts, because I gave a clear example before of how "just walking away" is useless advice that doesn't work.

Dang, I'm awesome.

I watched the videos again. This time I started thinking about my own past experiences with bullies. I'm lucky, I don't recall anything quite that bad, but I know for a fact I put up with at least a little bit of flak. But how did I react to it? What did I do?

I never talked about it and I never asked for help. I was never humiliated a second time; I handled it all on my own. Not with violence or any sort of retaliation. I dealt with it like a true man. I tell myself people are stupid and get on with my life. That is why I am awesome. Kinda reminds me of this:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rsZfcz3h1s[/youtube]

And so modest.

Hey, not everyone can be as awesome as the SammichEater.

I'm going to start teaching an awesomness class every Saturday afternoon, feel free to sign up. It'd be a great opportunity for anyone.

Alright, enough joking. But if you've seriously never told yourself that you're awesome, that's not a good thing. Everyone should be proud of themselves, at least in some point in their life. Although, I suppose that was very aspie-ish of me to put that here. I was not trying to say that I'm better than anyone here because I handled the situation correctly. But if that's the way you interpreted it, that was my fault, and I apologize.

Love it! But the bullies do now know the way to bully sammicheater is not to insult his Mum..but his Daihatsu

I laughed at the whole "bullies are fringe people themselves." In my experience, they're not. Then again, in my experience, every single boy was a bully to some extent. As for how to deal with it...I think the mother was right on the sandcastle issue. The third video, however, just makes me angry. That is just really bad, and there's no real walking away from it. I hope the teacher did do something about it, and I found myself annoyed by the complete lack of "something needs to be done"-attitude. They also really don't seem to understand anything about being bullied. They started talking about what the consequences of bullying are and I thought "finally we come to the important issue" and even the kid interpreted it that way, but now it suddenly became about what the consequences for the bullies are. Like it matters. Sheesh.

When I was bullied, the bullies' parents would deny it and say they "could not believe their son would do such a thing." It never stopped. The only thing that ever worked was when I snapped and punched a kid. I got away with it because everyone knew that nobody did enough about it. My parents basically told the school to suck it up.

Handling bullies is like crossing a minefield with a blindfold on. You need to take the perfect step each time. I agree with the mother that the child needs to walk away from some things. For some other things, however, action needs to be taken. First by the parents and the school, and if all else fails, by the kid herself. But blaming the bullied child for her response just adds to the hurt.