ring d skol nd tel dem leave me out i'm going to burst

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This is the text message I recieved from my 13yr old son this morning. He doesn't want to return to school, any suggestions?
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Why doesn't your son want to go back to school?

Is your son being bullied? When my son was in 5th grade his anxiety from bullying got to the point where he had a number of meltdowns and self injured. These sneaky little bullies know how to torment under the radar, so the teacher never witnesses it. When he transitioned to middle school, I had it written into his IEP that he could take sensory breaks. He could go to the library or media room and sit quietly and read for a short time. He used them once when he was being bullied and also under stress from SOL's. I remember he came home and broke down and sobbed that he couldn't take it anymore. It's hard to see your child in so much pain. He stopped being bullied so much when he started fighting back. OK now I'm rambling, but you might want to think about sensory breaks. He's too self conscious to use them now, but he's doing OK.

At age 13, I told my parents the same thing. I ended up hating school so much I got in trouble for truancy, and ended up in court, and it wasn't until they threatened to send me to a residential for 18 months that I finally "gave up" and went to school. I was in Special Ed for just almost unknown reasons, the Aspergers thing was never brought up back then. They said general anxiety at the time. Anyway, I ended up hating school, and would just go because I was legally required to. I just gave up at that time, it was very much like "he had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother" I ended up just not caring about anything, having no hopes, dreams or aspirations about school besides eventually leaving. That sorta got me down a self destructive path, and I got arrested, and culminating from that, went to jail, etc and had my life momentarily ruined. I really wish my parents listened to my cries for help back then.

Here's what I believe, if my parents did what I wanted and withdrew me, my life would have gone a lot "smoother." I told the truancy people in 8th grade I could pass the GED, and I was right, I could. The GED was like 6-7th grade level. My life would have went smoother, and yeah. On the flip side, I wouldn't have gotten as strong as I am now. By making him go through the hell of school, he has the potential to get stronger. I got much stronger from it all, but didn't go away from it all with lots of trauma.

I'd say at the very least, if your boy can give logical reasons as to why he wants to be out of school (I managed to beat everyone's arguments about why I should go to school until they just said "you have to go to school because it's the law" ) listen to him. Obviously, you're a parent, and have more years of wisdom under your belt, I get that, but nobody had any idea what I was going through in school. Alot of the bullying was subtle, or it was so bad that I didn't want to bring up specifics to people just out of pride. I mean, if you can work with him to keep him in school, then you know, do so, it's an unfortunate societal institution (I believe parents are much better off educating their kids) but it's best to keep him there so he conforms with society somewhat. But, if you try a bunch of things with school, and it's not working, don't be insane and try the same thing twice expecting a different result.

I'm sorry, I got a lot of bitterness regarding school, especially middle through high school. I'm DXed NVLD, and I also have a friend DXed NVLD, one variable between us that's huge. His parents took him out of school in 8th grade, and mine kept me in. He ended up hikikomori-ing (Japanese term, look it up on wikipedia) himself, and becoming withdrawn to the world, meanwhile, I'm not like that, but I had to go to through absolute hell that he didn't. And it's only literally by the grace of God it didn't backfire and make me super duper withdrawn.

From age 7 to 14 I asked my parents every single year if I could be home schooled. My mother said no every year. I kept getting into situations where I thought I had made really good friends, but then I would overhear others telling each other that I was weird and had no friends at all. That was the part I hated the most about my K-8 school.

Anyway, tough years aside, I loved my high school. It was the highest-performing school in the state, so everyone there was a nerd like me and there was no one around to bully me. I learned a lot about social interactions during those years and I made several friends that I have kept still today. I realize now that had my mother home-schooled me from middle-school onward I never would have experienced that wonderful part of my life. Although I'll also admit that had I remained in the same type of school as my K-8 (private, religious, strict), I probably wouldn't have done well either. Switching schools, to a whole new set of peers and more rigorous academic demands really helped me out personally.

Sounds like he needs some kind of a break. Whether that means taking a year out and home-schooling, finding a retreat within the school (the library, maybe?), switching to a smaller school or a better program, I don't know. But this guy sounds like he's very stressed out, and you just can't learn when you're that overloaded.

Does he speak with you about problems? Do you know if he's being bullied or if it's to do with the academic side or something else?
My daughter is only 6yrs and she's already said she doesn't want to go and wants me to home school her. I only have fond memories of primary school and hoped she'd be the same, so this is heart breaking for me. I'm actually in the middle of a thread on another site, discussing home schooling.

Its school sensory overload, organising is very difficult, problems with locker, forgetting books for class and not bringing them home for homework. Not wanting to prepare for test and then freaking out over them.

Plus the school agree on solutions for problems but don't implement them, this causes huge upset as I have told him he can do x and then the teacher refuse him.

He is off school today, then he thinks I am mad at him and promise that it won't happen again and that should make me happy. So he is attending school to make me happy!

He wants school to work, he doesn't want to be home schooled, he is is the smallest school I could find. Its very difficult to get the school on board I have been looking for more breaks/timeout for him but this is proving difficult.

He in Ireland my son has been granted 5 hrs resource a week, but the school gets the resources and chose how to use them so he gets 5 hrs but they only use 2 hrs.

You are in a tough spot. You are on your kid's team, solidly; but the school isn't.

I think you're going to have to become very, very annoying. I mean, talk to the teacher, talk to the principal. Walk in and demand to get things done.

Talk to your kid, and the two of you can work out a plan to get the school to give him a decent learning environment. I say this because he's thirteen and that's plenty old enough to be doing some self-advocacy; you're teaching him how to stick up for himself, and you want him to be a full participant in this. Depending on how self-aware he is--and from that text, it seems to me like he's pretty good at listening to himself--he may be the best person to know what he needs out of a school, maybe even better than you eventually.

It was a great idea to give him a phone with texting capability. Keep using that. Let him update you on stuff that happens at school. If the teacher doesn't do what the school promised they would, you turn into an annoying momma bear and the two of you make total nuisances of yourselves until the school realizes that it is better to just give your kid what he needs to learn properly.

Once he starts learning more efficiently and being less stressed out, it's entirely likely that the teachers will realize--though perhaps not admit--that this is what they should have been doing all along.