Is this Introversion?

Post Reply New Topic

My wife convinced me to go to her friend’s house last night with another couple, to view their Halloween extravaganza. This other couple is the only couple my wife and I ever do things with. But, I really didn’t want to go. I wasn’t interested in putting on a costume. I wanted to spend the night at home, on my computer, doing my own thing. But, she applied guilt and I went with her.

Well, it certainly was an extravaganza. The entire street was blocked off and every house in the neighborhood was heavily decorated for Halloween. It was actually sort of neat walking house to house, to see how people decorated their houses. Personally, I could never imagine myself spending any amount of time (not to mention money) putting up the same sort of décor in my neighborhood.

Anyway, afterwards, we went to my wife’s friend’s house (which was right in the middle of the extravaganza). There were several other couples there. Some of these people were strangers. Others were people I have purportedly met once or twice before. I didn’t recognize them. I had no idea who they were.

Pretty much, I just stood around and watched people converse with one another. Oh, I did talk with the other couple we went with. But, that was mostly as we walked around the neighborhood. After that, I really didn’t have much more to say to them.

Anyhow, I really didn’t have anything to say to these other people. Oh, if people were talking, I might listen in to follow their conversation. But, generally, what they talked about was not interesting (to me). I didn’t feel any anxiety. I didn’t feel energized or de-energized (is that a word?). I was just bored. I was simply looking forward to leaving. In fact, I was ready to leave immediately after walking into my wife’s friend’s house. At some point, I left the house to walk around the neighborhood. Not because I wanted to see the “exhibits” again. Just to pass time. Eventually, we left.

As I thought about it, this is my common experience when entering into most “unstructured social situations”. Where the “conversation” isn’t around some topic (such as work, where we talk about, well work).

So, I am curious about a number of things:
1) Do others have these similar experiences?
2) Do you attribute this to being introverted? Or do you attribute this to being on the spectrum? Or, am I simply a boring individual with nothing much to say (to others)?

I have some other questions, but will wait to see if people reply, before asking them.

I can relate. I have had some experiences like that. Sometimes I am really good at doing the social/mingling thing and sometimes I actually really enjoy it. But it is exhausting and I can only do it for a little while before I have to really rest. But in your situation, I can imagine that that would have probably made me more exhausted than I would have realized. Just the extravaganza is a lot of sensory stimuli to take in and process. And if you don't already know the other people it can take extra energy to talk to them especially if you are not interested in what they are talking about. And if you were already drained a bit because you did not want to go in the first place, the fact that you went spent even more energy. So there are probably a lot of factors at play here. If you were a regular NT without sensory processing issues, I would say you were just introverted. If you on the Spectrum, I would say there is a lot more going on.

Last edited by skibum on 01 Nov 2015, 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Probably combination of introversion and autism.
A lot of introverted people have little to say to others during unstructured group conversations.
They may do better one-on-one.
Introversion probably eggsplains most of behaviors in this situation.
Autism also makes it harder to participate in real-time interactions, and go with flow of what people are talking about and thinking about while talking.
May also do better one-on-one with specific topic.

I think I am less introverted than you, so others will hear my voice more during group conversations, but I also appear weirder due to what I say and how I say it.

Introversion = feeling 'drained' by socializing
Autism = being bored by anything that's not your special interest

From what I've heard and read from other introverts, I think that was more introvert than AS/ASD, at least when I imagine myself in the situation. I didn't read too much in your description about sensory issues, misreading people or communications, OCD, saying or doing things that NT's would deem "inappropriate" due to not knowing what they were feeling...etc..?

I didn't describe any sensory issues, because that was immaterial to the situation. We were inside my wife’s friend’s house. The sensory stuff (horns blowing, etc.) was all happening outside.

I didn’t describe any issues with “misreading people or communications” because that isn’t something I typically pay attention to. I don’t recall anyone saying something which had ambiguous meaning (where I had to guess what they were really intending).

I typically only feel “drained” when I am in the situation where I don’t know what to talk about. I ordinarily do not go up to people and just start talking about anything.

At work, where I exchange “information” with others, I can be quite adept and talk for hours about a particular work-related subject. Both with people I know and people I don’t know. I realize that this isn’t considered socializing. I bring it up, only because I find it energizing and definitely not draining.


I don’t believe I have what is typically considered to be “special interests”. While my interests are fairly narrow, they are nowhere as focused as some others on this forum.

That’s what I was thinking as well.


I wonder if I have become more introverted as I have gotten older. It’s like, after realizing that I am bad at ad hoc social conversation, I have stopped trying.

This could be true.
Autism may have greater role than introversion in this other situation of not trying as much in socializing.
Introverted NTs probably still have better conversational skills if they wanted to socialize and probably don't get rusty at socializing as fast as introverted autistics who need to more actively upkeep their social skills without as much intuition and fast social responses.

As I think about it, I wasn’t really interested in talking to the people I didn’t know (at my wife’s friend’s house). It seems (at least to me) to be a lot of work for little “payback”. After all, it’s doubtful I will never see these people again. I wonder, is this how Introverts think?

I can certainly understand and very much appreciate your thought process. As far as if it is what introverts think? I don't actually know. That might be a more individualized question, like each person might think differently about that. I am technically an introvert. I do enjoy social interaction when I am up to it but going by the technical definitions introverts get drained by being around others and socializing and need to be alone to recharge. Extroverts are the opposite, my husband is one. They need to socialize and be around people to recharge and get drained when they are alone. Makes our marriage a bit of a challenge.

I don't remember ever having thought the exact thought you mentioned but I am sure those concepts may have crossed my mind more than once. I tend to not want to socialize because I don't have the energy to expend on it. So even though I can enjoy it, sometimes it's just not worth the energy it takes.

yes I do have similar experiences to this when forced to socialise. I just find it utterly boring and unless there's a conversation that I can get on board with then I will just drift off and do my own thing. I also get what you say about it being unstructured as well. I can socialise at work because it's at work and it might have something to do with that surrounding but if I'm on a night out with people from work I find that I have very little to say to any of them and I just end up making my excuses and going home. In the old days I would have got completely drunk in such circumstances just out of boredom.



I don't know you in order to judge if you are boring or not Rocket but I know that I have often felt the same myself. That people must think I'm boring. If I'm completely honest, for me it's that I think they're boring. But I would never say that to them of course. Or maybe I should and I'll stop getting invites to places.

I am an introvert, so maybe it is to do with being introverted as well. Who knows?

As I think about it, I definitely tried harder when I was younger. By this, I mean that I would attend “events” where socializing would take place hoping that something “magical” would happen. Every once in a while I would run into a person who I was able to converse with. More often than not, these people were more “similar” to me (e.g. more like the software engineers I work with). But, mostly, I was unsuccessful. I am now guessing I learned that these things are not fun/enjoyable. So, I have just decided to avoid those situations.

I don't see "Spectrum" here.....I see normal human variation--introversion.

What would be a "Spectrum" reaction is if you felt compelled to withdraw into another room/had a meltdown because of sensory overload.

Could be a bit of both, I think most aspies are introverts anyway. I can remember feeling lost in such situations when I was younger. i so desperately wanted to belong to something or someone back then but unfortunately never worked out how. I was lucky that many friends found me and appreciated my strangeness. They still do and I still don't know what to do in gatherings like that except leave. Your real friends accept that you have to leave sometimes because of overload.

Kraftie - I have read numerous articles linking introversion with sensory issues.

In any event, as I mentioned above, most of the extreme sensory stuff (horns blowing, etc.) was happening outside.