I suspect my friend has Aspergers but im not too sure

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kinokuniya94
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13 Apr 2012, 9:35 am

Basically, i got to know this guy from my school somewhere around last year.
He's really quiet and awkward around people, and doesnt talk much, generally keeping to himself with only 2-3 friends in school.
But after participating in a school event together he started opening up to me and we started texting. He replies really short and curt replies most of the time, but i dont mind cause i kind of know that that's the way he texts. so once he started opening up to me and telling me about how he was insecure about the way he behaves around people because he just doesnt like to talk, and doesnt know what to say, and that i was the only one he could be comfortable around with. I took this to mean that he trusted me and that we were closer friends. at this time i didnt think he had aspergers, although he has a few quirks.

For instance, i noticed that he has a routine of doing things in a specific order everyday after school, and almost always buys food from only one stall in the canteen all the time. Also, he doesnt make any eye contact at all when we see each other face to face in school and generally avoids talking to me or starting a conversation when we see each other, or even over sms.

But like i said, i didnt think he was an aspie at that time. i just thought he was a really shy guy.
but the real problem started when we decided to go out to study together once.
It was the first time we went out, and although the atmosphere was rather awkward i thought it was okay. But the thing is that after that day out, he started ignoring me. all of a sudden, with no notice at all. He started ignoring all my texts, and whatsapps. and i thought i had done something to upset him so i tried approaching him in school.

i know he doesnt like me to approach him when he's with his class so i waited for a time when i could find him alone. But when i approached him and asked if he was mad at me all he said was 'no'. and when i tried to probe further, he just treated me like i was transparent, and continued with his work, although i was talking right in front of him. I was really hurt and confused by that because i though he trusted me and we were close friends, plus everything was so sudden i have no idea whats going on up till now.

I tried approaching him a second time and even wrote him notes. But the second time when i walked towards him, he just backed off, and started running away from me. this happened twice. when i see him around school now he deliberately ignores me, but when im not looking at him, sometimes i catch him staring. but when i look up he just looks away or pretends that he wasnt looking.

i really dont know what is going on. Im quite sure he might be an aspie because i googled the symptoms and he fits almost all of them. But what im confused about is why he is suddenly reacting in this way, like cutting off contact from me altogether. Is it an aspergers thing? And what should i do from here on? leave him alone, or continue trying to talk to him?

Please help :( Its been about a month since this happened and i dont know what to do!



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Apr 2012, 9:40 am

Maybe you said something he didn't like? Sounds to me like he has been offended in some way.



kinokuniya94
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13 Apr 2012, 9:45 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Maybe you said something he didn't like? Sounds to me like he has been offended in some way.


but the thing is that he hasn't said anything to me at all, and he did mention that he wasnt mad at me. :/



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Apr 2012, 9:55 am

kinokuniya94 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Maybe you said something he didn't like? Sounds to me like he has been offended in some way.


but the thing is that he hasn't said anything to me at all, and he did mention that he wasnt mad at me. :/

He could have said he wasn't mad to avoid confrontation. It does sound like he has been offended though. It will be hard figuring out why unless he comes out and says. Otherwise, you will just guess and guess, driving yourself crazy without ever really knowing. It might be a good idea to just shrug him off until he approaches you. If he wants to avoid, let him. It's his life.



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13 Apr 2012, 10:04 am

How do you know whether he was ignoring you as opposed to not having received the texts?

As for buying the same food from the same place - most people do that.



kinokuniya94
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13 Apr 2012, 10:07 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
kinokuniya94 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Maybe you said something he didn't like? Sounds to me like he has been offended in some way.


but the thing is that he hasn't said anything to me at all, and he did mention that he wasnt mad at me. :/

He could have said he wasn't mad to avoid confrontation. It does sound like he has been offended though. It will be hard figuring out why unless he comes out and says. Otherwise, you will just guess and guess, driving yourself crazy without ever really knowing. It might be a good idea to just shrug him off until he approaches you. If he wants to avoid, let him. It's his life.


all right. but im quite sure i didnt offend him, in fact we barely talked when we went out cause the library was so quiet. but i did ask him if he felt awkward after that day.. i wonder if that might have offended him? but yes i suppose you're right that its his life, though it really sucks having to try and figure out whats wrong.. but thanks for the help anyway :)



kinokuniya94
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13 Apr 2012, 10:09 am

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
How do you know whether he was ignoring you as opposed to not having received the texts?

As for buying the same food from the same place - most people do that.


he runs away from me in school and ignores me face to face.
sure people do, but the thing is that he buys the same thing everytime. i mean, surely you'll get sick of eating the same thing all the time right? hahaha



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13 Apr 2012, 10:19 am

kinokuniya94 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
kinokuniya94 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Maybe you said something he didn't like? Sounds to me like he has been offended in some way.


but the thing is that he hasn't said anything to me at all, and he did mention that he wasnt mad at me. :/

He could have said he wasn't mad to avoid confrontation. It does sound like he has been offended though. It will be hard figuring out why unless he comes out and says. Otherwise, you will just guess and guess, driving yourself crazy without ever really knowing. It might be a good idea to just shrug him off until he approaches you. If he wants to avoid, let him. It's his life.


all right. but im quite sure i didnt offend him, in fact we barely talked when we went out cause the library was so quiet. but i did ask him if he felt awkward after that day.. i wonder if that might have offended him? but yes i suppose you're right that its his life, though it really sucks having to try and figure out whats wrong.. but thanks for the help anyway :)

YW. Who knows, maybe he'll come around. You might try telling him, next time you see him, you can tell he doesn't want you around, but if he ever does, you are available as a friend.



kinokuniya94
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13 Apr 2012, 10:59 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
kinokuniya94 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
kinokuniya94 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Maybe you said something he didn't like? Sounds to me like he has been offended in some way.


but the thing is that he hasn't said anything to me at all, and he did mention that he wasnt mad at me. :/

He could have said he wasn't mad to avoid confrontation. It does sound like he has been offended though. It will be hard figuring out why unless he comes out and says. Otherwise, you will just guess and guess, driving yourself crazy without ever really knowing. It might be a good idea to just shrug him off until he approaches you. If he wants to avoid, let him. It's his life.


all right. but im quite sure i didnt offend him, in fact we barely talked when we went out cause the library was so quiet. but i did ask him if he felt awkward after that day.. i wonder if that might have offended him? but yes i suppose you're right that its his life, though it really sucks having to try and figure out whats wrong.. but thanks for the help anyway :)

YW. Who knows, maybe he'll come around. You might try telling him, next time you see him, you can tell he doesn't want you around, but if he ever does, you are available as a friend.


i've done that in the notes i wrote. but no response so far. so you dont think its an aspergers things?



ManicMinx
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13 Apr 2012, 12:23 pm

Eesh, I've cut people out of my life like that. I'm not sure what the problem might be though...maybe he likes you?



kinokuniya94
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14 Apr 2012, 9:35 am

ManicMinx wrote:
Eesh, I've cut people out of my life like that. I'm not sure what the problem might be though...maybe he likes you?


that would be weird. if he liked me he wouldnt run away..