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Ai_Ling
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31 Dec 2011, 1:57 am

I know many of us don't have very many social contacts and that can make life quite isolating. Is that reason more because we want what we dont have? Perhaps with our neurology, we dont need as much social contact, we just see what NTs have and that makes us "want" it. Do you think if we were completely unaware of what was going on in the NT world or this social NT world didnt exist, we wouldn't want friendships and relationships? Would you be perfectly content in your own little world?



btbnnyr
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31 Dec 2011, 2:10 am

Before I was aware of socials, I was indeed happy in my own world. I still dont need or want much socialing, but more than before.



Verdandi
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31 Dec 2011, 3:58 am

I am always content when I abandon social stuff for my own world. I don't need to socializing, although I do it because I like to be able to discuss things with people. But if you cut me off from social contact, I'll do something else and not really miss it.



Joe90
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31 Dec 2011, 6:53 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
I know many of us don't have very many social contacts and that can make life quite isolating. Is that reason more because we want what we dont have? Perhaps with our neurology, we dont need as much social contact, we just see what NTs have and that makes us "want" it. Do you think if we were completely unaware of what was going on in the NT world or this social NT world didnt exist, we wouldn't want friendships and relationships? Would you be perfectly content in your own little world?


This describes me exactly. I've been raised by NTs, my whole family are NTs (and I have a big family), I went to mainstream school and there didn't seem to be any other Aspies there so I had no choice but to mix with NTs, and my AS is mild enough so I am expected to take part in the NT world because I don't seem to have a world of my own. So I have no choice but to be aware of the NT world, and so sometimes I find myself crying out for more friends. Actually, scratch that - I find myself crying out for better social skills, and wishing - so much - that I was just born NT. I feel like this AS has victimized me, and it's always ''why me?'' It just gets to me, and it's probably because my parents are miserable that their only daughter has turned out like this, and my mum fears abnormalcy because she had a tough childhood living with a mad person, and now she has a daughter who is mad (I think my mum has a touch of PTSD). It doesn't mean she loves me any less, she loves me a lot and has been an excellent supportive parent, but like all parents, I suppose she just wants her daughter to be happy and be liked by others, (which I am not liked by many since I don't have many friends), and it's just heart-breaking all around.


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31 Dec 2011, 7:01 am

I don't remember ever wanting friends.



nemorosa
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31 Dec 2011, 7:21 am

I'm usually quite content to be doing my own thing. I very rarely want or need others around me, though I do miss my partner and children who are away right now.

Years ago I used to think I wanted lots of friends because my observation of other people had told me they were happy and I so desperately wanted to be happy and thought emulating their lives must be the way to attain happiness. I was wrong.



fraac
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31 Dec 2011, 8:09 am

I've known how good it can be. Probably more good for us than for NTs because we can feel it more.



Sweetleaf
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31 Dec 2011, 9:46 am

Well I prefer not to be completely isolated......I mean I would rather be alone than around people who don't understand me or dislike me or think they are superior or whatever. But I actually like being around people that are understanding, like being around me and don't veiw themselves as superior, even then though I don't like huge social gatherings I like to just hang out with a few people.


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31 Dec 2011, 11:41 am

I don't want to be alone ALL the time. I mostly prefer to be alone, and enjoy it, but that doesn't mean I never long for human interaction.



League_Girl
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31 Dec 2011, 12:02 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
I know many of us don't have very many social contacts and that can make life quite isolating. Is that reason more because we want what we dont have? Perhaps with our neurology, we dont need as much social contact, we just see what NTs have and that makes us "want" it. Do you think if we were completely unaware of what was going on in the NT world or this social NT world didnt exist, we wouldn't want friendships and relationships? Would you be perfectly content in your own little world?



I liked playing with other kids growing up and desired friends. I also hated not having anyone to play with. Now I like being alone and prefer to be alone. It was a whole lot easier having friends when I was little. If you wanted to play, all you had to do was walk up to them and start playing with them and if you wanted to make new friends, all you had to do was go to their house after they had moved in and ask if they can play. I also used to follow kids around on the playground to be their friend but lot of them didn't like it and only two of them became my friend and the other ones didn't. Even my own friends hated me following them. The rest came to me. It started to get hard when I was ten because things changed and my difficulty with people really showed. Kids got into social chit chat and I found that hard and boring. Now the standards have changed for adult friendships and I don't have things in common with them. People hanging out and talking was never my thing so I used to isolate myself during lunch hour in high school. In middle school I would try and be with other kids and I would also be alone. Then in high school, I decided to be alone. It would just cause me depression and frustration if I tried having contact with people and having friends.



pete1061
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31 Dec 2011, 12:55 pm

I only need a minimal amount of social contact to be happy.
The only thing that I find useful in most social contact is for employment.
I've found that in the area of career success the phrase "It's not what you know, it's WHO you know" is 100% true.


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Joe90
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01 Jan 2012, 8:22 am

I always wanted friends when I was a child. It was harder when I was aged between 12 and 15, because they are the most hardest ages socially for any adolescents, so it's definately going to be hard for Aspies.


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Letta
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01 Jan 2012, 9:24 am

I am very isolated. I hope soon I can find a group or a interest that involve being sosial whit other people.
I have troubling talking to others but i do miss it a loot.



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01 Jan 2012, 3:52 pm

I am still trying to figure out whether I'm more introverted or extroverted. I generally keep to myself, I have zero friends, and I'm fine with that. Conversely, if I am in a social situation, I am very outgoing and enjoy talking to people (often to the point of annoying them). I've also lived my with long-time girlfriend for the past several years, though, so that throws another variable into the mix.

But, I broke up with her last month and will be moving in a couple weeks to a new apartment that will be my first ever place completely by myself. It will be a grand experiment in solitude. Will I be perfectly fine having no one to talk to but also no one to bother me? Will I be so lonely I'll go crazy? It's anyone's guess! So, OP, ask that question again in a couple months and I might have a clear answer for you.


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01 Jan 2012, 5:55 pm

I would be content to be on my own actually. As long as I have my family that is. :P

I find it near impossible to trust anyone as much as I do with my family, and if I can't trust anyone like that, I would prefer to avoid building any bridges except with a select few I feel comfortable with.


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