Acceptance vs. other forcing normalcy on you.

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Was anyone here treated as though you were someone to be broken in order to get you to be less autistic?
In other words, others were trying to make you more like the normal kids. How did you respond to that?

Were you just accepted growing up? If so, did you end up figuring out your own way of dealing with the world when there wasn't pressure put on you to be normal?

Was it first you were treated as though you were something to be fixed and then the people that surrounded you decided to just embrace and accept you?
How did that turn out?

For me, I wasn't accepted growing up. This made me feel like I was a bad person constantly. Now that I am not dealing with that anymore, I started to actually feel comfortable in my own skin and from there because there was less pressure decided to come up with better coping strategies. I'll never think like a normal person and have accepted that even though I try not to stim or show obvious signs when out in public and sometimes can do it, other times cannot. I just don't beat myself up over it anymore.

I had a friend (until last night) that always treated me this way. It was very frustrating because I would try my best to explain to him what ASD means and suggested many times he just spend ten minutes reading Wikipedia to make communication and such easier between the two of us. Instead, he just went on maintaining his own ideas about what I needed (basically, giving me "bad medicine", showing up at my house without notice intentionally, when I tell him I just need some warning and things will be fine). It is extremely frustrating because every day I decide to struggle and do my best to understand and see from others' perspectives, but NTs just aren't willing to. "This is how I see it, and no amount of factual information about your inner-workings will change things... not that I even know what you're experience. PS, no, I'm not willing to listen, either."

Most recently he blew me off for two weeks, during which I had probably the most severe meltdown in a very very long time. I called him just to have someone to talk to for five minutes, and he continued blowing me off, not returning my calls, etc. Suddenly, out of nowhere he messages me "I need your help." I tell him I'm busy (I really did not feel like helping this guy after he left me high and dry anyway, and hadn't spoken to me since). I say I'll call him back later, I'm walking home. He replies snidely that a yes or no answer would be nice... This comes after he did this to me about a hundred times worse for two weeks, just not answering anything I ask. At this point I already told him I wanted nothing to do with him, so I assumed it must be a crisis (you know, like the crisis I had just gone through but was left alone in). Nope, turns out he wanted me to do work for him... he shows up, acts like nothing happened, like he did no wrong... it took me a good 25 minutes to process what went down and I said "Hey, you really hurt my feelings when you just blow me off like that. You promised me a ride to the emergency room and have been blowing me off since." (I have yet to get into care, which I need very badly, partly because I'm so stupid I think I'm really getting a ride to the hospital when I'm not) His response? "Well, I don't see anyone else trying to help you." I said, just because I am bad at making friends, does that justify treating me whichever way you want? Does that mean you can do no wrong? It took me two whole years to realize this is what this dude was doing to me.

I always knew this guy was violent, hit his girlfriend, had violent outbursts, but never with me. But, last night I asserted myself with a "f**k you" after his snide remarks, and he absolutely flipped s**t after I got out of the car, sped down the road in the suburbs waking up my landlady, probably doing 70-80. So now, I realize, I only avoided his wrath before because I never stand up for my own needs. It is also worth mentioning that while I'm not doing so well, need help these days, and I know I can be a little taxing, back when I was financially fortunate I gave this guy anything he needed, let him borrow my car any time, paid for lunch... it's like all of that is forgotten because I'm poor now.

People think they're better than you, therefore you deserve whatever they give you.

I just went off on a tangent, but the moral of the story, I guess, is that you probably ought not to put too much stock in the NT's moral capacity. It often is as simple as they don't care enough to do their part in a relationship, whereas we might just be clueless or occasionally overwhelmed.

Sounds like people I've encountered and it sounds like he had no care for you at all but just viewed of you as someone to use.

I think that the autism actually protected me from the ill effects of what other people thought were other people's good intentions. There was no way to force me to act normal, because whenever any attempts were made, I never got the message that anyone wanted me to act in ways that were different from how I was acting naturally. I grew up without knowing about this concept of normalcy, what normalcy was, how I was not normal, how I was defective for not being normal, etc etc etc. For the most part, I was allowed to exist on my own terms. My mother tried to get me to stop rocking all the time, but she didn't try very hard, and my grandmother did it all the time too, so she didn't think that it was that weird.

I was definitely not accepted growing up. Most people treated me like I was broken and they needed to "fix" me. Not just adults, other kids treated me that way too. My family has gradually become more accepting of me as I get older. I guess people eventually giving up trying to change someone when they see that it won't work. But with some folks it takes them a long, long time to figure that out.

I remember this one girl who was trying to change me more into her. She was blonde and fluffy looking. I was the alternative girl. She kept telling me how I should dress, how I should walk etc..

Years go by and I see her again. She went from blonde and fluffy to edgy mohawk girl with tattoos.

I had a friend who was basically doing that to me. Then I have my mom who's sometimes on my back about appearing more completely normal. I feel like I'm never good enough for her and she knows that. I've made so much progress and I'm a lot higher functioning then many of the other aspies shes heard of from that aspergers parents group she attends and for some reason I'm not good enough. Just because I can't flip on the NT every time she wants me to, she becomes unsatisfied. She sees I can flip on the NT some of the time because of that, she gets pissed when I dont flip on the NT when she wants me to. She thinks I'm just being stubborn. Honestly she doesn't understand the numerous emotional/anxiety I face which is why I can't always be flipping on the NT.

Other than my parents STILL not really understanding me to this day, and thinking I'm weird.....pretty much that's how it has always been. The only people who haven't tried to change me are my FRIENDS who accept me for who I am, and love me for it.

I'm sure my parents love me too lol obviously, but they can't stand that I'm so "different" from them....or other people they know. And they always throw that in my face....they're like oh why can't you be more like this and this person......ugh.....

I was over protected by my mother which made my siblings very critical toward her treatment of me. As I got into my early 20's she was actually putting pressure on me to socialise and trying to yell the autism out of me. Now that I live away from her she is more accepting, and now I have to deal with a whole bunch of other people that want to make me normal, but I think I'm breaking them. See, no one is breaking me any more, it's me that is breaking them.

I wasn't accepted at all growing up, and wanted nothing more than to be like the other kids. You also have to remember that back then, nobody knew what AS was, we were just "wierd".

I eventually found friends to accept me who also helped me become more "normal". They were patient and actually took time to explain things to me that other kids just "knew" or picked up on naturally. They also reminded me of these things when I forgot.

I'm very grateful to them. If it hadn't been for my desire to become "normal", and my friends helping me and reminding me, I would probably be single, childless, and still living with my mother.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I wasn't accepted, bit in all fairness, they had no idea what was 'wrong' with me.