Asperger's in Girls/Women

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Sweetleaf, you've described the discomfort of looking people in the eye very well. It takes years of determination and focus to get beyond it, but don't give up. For me, life didn't start getting good until I was 30 and I think a lot of it had to do with figuring out how to put that particular discomfort aside. It still feels invasive but I KNOW it's necessary. I KNOW people will think I'm dishonest if I look away, so I force myself - which does distract my attention some, but the more I practice, the easier it gets.

I'm terribly outspoken and try to know everything but had a terrible time when called to speak before a group. I ended up taking every Speech class they offered at the local community college at least once. The teacher was very understanding with everyone and never belittled me for anything. That went a long way towards my success, but also, my motivation is strong. I have mild political aspirations and competent public speaking is prerequisite.

Last edited by unduki on 25 Jan 2012, 7:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Gender-wise, I feel neutral.

I've always felt more like an effeminate male nerd stuck in a female body, however.

When compared to men, my behavior and mannerisms aren't that odd. When compared to the average female population, I'm very, very odd, or so says my shrink.

Rofl so am I! I sit like a guy, talk like a guy, and pretty much act like one, but yeah more of the sensitive nerd type. One of my friends told me I'm too caring and polite to be a guy. I have no idea how being a gentleman has anything to do with anything though.

You can always look at someones gender by going to their profile.

Yup, and I find myself doing that quite frequently.... I think I've always been more curious about people than what is "normal".

On other web sites, I usually use a male name, or more genderless.

That's brilliant--I can totally relate to that, mind if I borrow the phrase?

it's better than "half-strength hetero" LOL

Last edited by fleurdelily on 26 Jan 2012, 1:19 am, edited 2 times in total.

About eye contact....

For you all who have trouble with this (and I still do too), I have this question:

Even though you can't make casual eye contact though a conversation, do you glare at people if you're mad at them?
(even if they're not looking at you)

EXPECIALLY - that's really interesting. I'm going to look that up too.

I guess another issue is I feel I could spend my time and energy on better things then trying to become something I'm not. But then I don't have a lot of motivation or determination to go around so I have to pick and choose which things to bother with.

No I don't glare at people if I'm mad at them...in fact if there are strong negative emotions going on in the social interaction it makes eye contact of any sort even more difficult.

That's interesting.

If I'm sad at all I can't make any eye contact. But if I'm really angry, sometimes I glare. but not when the person is looking directly at me.
I have such a horrible temper sometimes....but it's fleeting. And I don't hold grudges. I would estimate my emotional maturity is like a child of 8 or 10 years old. I've only recently come to this assessment. I've needed therapy for too long

(fixed the quote )

It's actually a word used in the asexuality community, not one I came up with. I actually discovered it on here, and was surprised I found a word that actually described my orientation.

In particular what they have it mean is "This person won't feel sexually attracted to someone without a strong emotional connection" or "This person doesn't feel primary attraction but does feel secondary attraction."

In particular I'm demiromantic, demisexual, and don't understand the concept of gender.

I do find it a really useful work



No, I don't glare at them either. In fact I'm even more likely to look away when I'm angry than when I'm neutral, though not as much as when I'm upset.

I personally find eye contact incredibly personal and won't make eye contact with anyone unless I trust them a rather huge amount. I was taught to look other places on people's faces and can often do well enough faking that people don't realize how much of a difficulty with eye contact I have.

In fact, it wasn't until recently that I realized that that wasn't what most people did - it didn't feel like faking. I thought everyone would look over people's shoulders, or on their forehead, or things like that and that's what "eye contact" mostly meant...

About eye contact:

goodwitchy, I never thought of it like that but, yes, I do glare at people when I'm angry. But I'm careful not to glare at people who aren't familiar with me. It can get pretty intense - like that guy, Cyclops, on X Men (kidding) I do work hard at not scaring people and wear a smile like a mask. I'm unusually tall and if I'm not careful, I come off as intimidating. It is so refreshing to be with friends who can allow me to glare without shriveling up in fear.

I play a sort of game with my eyes. By accident, I found some muscles that when I flex them, my eyes sharpen. It actually feels like my pupils come to points. I know the change shows because people react but I can't see it when I look into a mirror. 2 close friends have also commented on it as being something felt more than seen.

In one of my jobs, I sit on a dais, hear testimony and render a vote. Sometimes, when things get extra boring, I make my eyes sharp and imagine I'm looking into a speaker's soul, trying to find their true intent. Nothing changes but my eyes and I don't really see into their souls - I'm bored, remember? However, the reactions vary from fear to indignation and people almost always get thrown off - but they never say anything about it because it's crazy.

Demisexual...wow, I didn't know there was a name for it! I just thought something was wrong with me...again. My ex used to say that I was just "not wired that way", meaning that I couldn't have casual sex. I can go for years without being sexually attracted to someone, being celibate. Even if it had been a week since I had sex with someone I care about, it is hard for me to not be shy again. As if it was the first time all over again. But if we are having sex regularly...2 or 3 times a week, I have no problem.

Thanks everyone....I took one of the tests and it said my score was 92/100 aspie...105/200 NT...it said that I share aspie/NT traits...what does that mean?...I'm not an aspire or NT?

I must be a strange female aspie since that chart pisses me off because it creates female aspie stereotypes.
It suggests that females are more male and then gives female aspie characteristics. Unless myself and all other aspie females are interviewed then that chart is useless.