Anyone not really *try* to fit in during adolescence

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Partly in response to a reply I got to my question about aggressive girls in the adult forum, I got to thinking about how many aspies, in particular the girls, tried hard to fit in during childhood/adolescence. I.e., they were not content to simply drift in their own worlds and exclusively date boys (or other girls) who were interested in meeting them in their own special worlds.

This may be a reason why so many on the spectrum, especially the women, strike me as more "normal" and "adult" than I, given that I really was content to inhabit my own world through adolescence (plus I didn't even feel in a rush to date those girls, who seemed to exist at the time, who also lived in their own worlds). Those who were loners often weren't that way by choice, and so have self-esteem/emotional "baggage" surrounding that.

So anyone, especially the women, who really were isolated by choice, and possibly now only as an adult are trying to reach out?

I was pretty much a social recluse in adolescence and at 24 I still am. I do manage to find romantic partners by avidly seeking them out but for the most part I prefer to not get involved in social activities. The guys I have dated have liked my quirkiness and it's generally not something that I'm interested in hiding. As I've grown older I think I've become better at finding people who do interest me while at the same time becoming more content in my relative social isolation. I've also found a lot of the desire for isolation just means that I don't like being around my own peer group. I tend to get along better with folks a bit older than myself. There is an instructor at my school who's also an aspie and with whom I get along rather well.

I never really tried to fit in. Why would I? I did not want to be like "them".

I never really tried, which is why I was and always will be a loner. To this day I don't see the point in pretending to give a s**t about sports or other typical "guy" stuff.

I never felt the urge to "fit in" when I was younger, and I still don't as an adult very often. I've gotten better in some social aspects, but not to ingratiate myself into a certain group. I've always had a fondness for Pippi Longstocking, who was able to just do her own thing and make it work...
As for being more "normal and adult", if you're speaking emotionally then I wouldn't qualify. I am successful at being a wife and mother, holding a job, and paying the bills. Socially, I can flip flop between insecure wreck to completely oblivious.

Yes. Throughout adolescence I didn't even care of partaking to a group, dismissing others as unworthy of attention. In the last two years or so I've grown particularly longing of social interaction, jumping to the other extreme of being the needy, clingy, friend. It's quite sad that the people I try to be friends with don't realize how little skill I have with friendship, and see me as egocentric and arrogant. I've even had a girl say to me that I am very sociable

I had very little interest in trying to fit in and I still don't have much of an interest. I had no desire to be a cookie cutter.

I was homeschooled since the fith grade and never had the traditional middle and high school expirences. My elementry and primary school years were pure Hell. We lived really far out in the boondocks and my parents were never "you need to make friends and be social" Nazis. I had developed a phobia of other people (espicaly people my own age) due to my expirences in public school and all the "socialization" Nazis out there would probably claim it was made worse by my self imposed isolation. It probably was, but throwing me back into the enviroment that had caused it would have caused an even worse outcome. By this time I had developed a "I am free to be who I am. if you don't like it, f**k you" additude which I still have to this day. My social skills actualy got better becuase I didn't feel like I had to constantaly have the upperhand anymore. I made no attempt to "fit in" with anyone and to this day I figure if people can't accept me for who I am, that is their loss.

I was a lot like this and I found that, as I got older, I became more accepted simply being myself. Pretending to be something I'm not was never something I was interested in.

I accepted certain aspects of my aspie self when I was a teen, getting good grades and playing classical music on the piano, but I also wanted to be "cool" and accepted by my peers. Wanted to be the cool basketball player, went through my baggy pants/wigger phase - hey, it was the 90's haha - did the 'alternative' thing for awhile, which suited me best, but I didn't actually wear any of those masks correctly. Socially, I hated being different, I hated being one of the "lesser people".

As a teenager I really didn't care about fitting in, and didn't try. In fact I was pretty much oblivious to the fact that everyone else was trying to fit in ...

I just got on with things my own way. I was bullied a little bit but generally was just left alone, and seemed to be accepted entirely without trying into the fringes of the "misfit" group. The reality of course being that I couldn't have cared less about that acceptance.

I first tried fitting in during my first year at University, but by second year had give that up and just concentrated on my studies. If people did or didn't like me ... whatever. Someone likes me enough to marry me ...

Working life however has been where I have most wanted to be accepted and probably, as a result, found it most difficult to fit in. I need to go back to being my adolescent oblivious self! Unfortunately I can't do that ...

Despite being bullied and the bottom of the social food chain in high school I still had a group of friends, although I did often opt-out of spending time with them because there was a LOT of drama and after a close friend died the rest of the group started having out with a new crowd who were more popular and thus I wasn't really welcomed so I decided not to try to force myself to fit in there. As bad as my friends were on many levels, they normally let me get on with opting-out of the group and dressing far differently to them. In college I had no choice in the matter, no one EVER talked to me in either colleges I went to, I didn't like that one bit but I managed.

I kind of did early on in adolecence, because I thought it would be nice to have friends...in the past I mostly got rejected so I wanted to attempt to be more social and such....it seemed to be working at first it seemed my friends were fine with how I expressed myself and liked being around me. Well I soon discovered otherwise....and it was one of those more crushing experiances. So after that I mostly gave up I was kind of friends with a few other un-popular kids(I've only talked to one of them since I graduated) But we moved my first year of highschool so I figured that was one last oppurtunity for friends though at this point I was past trying to fit in and decided to just be more social but not try to fit in and I made what seemed to be a really good friend and had some other decent friends(none of which I am still in contact with). But yeah she ended up trying to get me in trouble and well actually I could go on about the number of times I've trusted people only to be discarded after use. So yeah trying to fit in has mostly only brought be problems.....because in my brain fitting in seems to go along with putting up with a lot of crap I probably shouldn't.

Yep. I remember when I was 13 I hated a lot of people, was oppositional to adults, and didn't try to make friends. Before that I was just in my own world. I think because of my unaddressed learning problems and people just telling me that I didn't try made me turn against a lot of people.

At 26 I don't to make friends but I have them anyway. I'm grateful my best friend is just as mad as I am.

I think I tried to fit in to some extent as a teenager. But not too much. I only tried makeup once. Um... And I never wore heels.

I always stick out.

Trying to fit in usually makes me unhappy, so I try to avoid it.

I didn't understand then or now why someone would try to fit in. It's just not something that makes any sense to me. I did think that people were trying to fit in though. When I was 13, I thought that everyone actually liked school, didn't like shopping, liked books, didn't like the movies, and so on. I thought the only reason people were acting like they preferred other things was because they were acting to try to fit in with the other people who were also acting in that manner (despite not having those interests truthfully). People who had the same interests as me, also didn't want to be normal and didn't want to fit in, so it made sense to me.

Also, I don't understand the obsession of dating while a teenager. I did start a relationship at 17, but while in college, and not via trying to fit or or dating people.