Parents Enjoying Punishing Kids
When you were a kid, and your parents punished you, did you think they enjoyed it? For instance, let's say you tried crossing the street by yourself when you weren't allowed to. Your parents caught you, brought you home, and then grounded you, spanked you, forbade you to watch TV, or gave any other punishment they found appropriate. Throughout all that, do you think parents enjoyed punishing you?
I'm pretty sure that my parents did enjoy punishing me. I was spanked a lot, as a child. I think that my Mom's hobby was spanking my sister and I and making us feel guilty. Her favrourite line was, "I try to be nice to you, and this is what I get?" Those words still echo in my Mind, from time to time. Those are the exact voices that almost got me into the Looney Bin, eight years ago, back in the Spring of 1998. I was sent to my room, for talking about my Obsessions, at one point. None of this stuff will matter, anymore. I'll be on my own, soon. I'll be starting over, in life. I'll also be giving myself the unconditional love that I've felt was lacking, in my Childhood Home. That means making healthy meals and snacks, and buying myself a nifty non-food reward, three times a year.
My mother and first stepfather would simply get out of control and punish out of anger. I don't believe they enjoyed it--they were just taking out anger on me.
My second stepfather enjoyed punishing me. He was a sociopath.
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My mom? Naw.
My first stepdad? (whom I call 'Dad') ... Possibly.
My second stepdad? Nope.
I chose the second option, mainly because of its wording. My first stepdad was a bit of a weirdo anyway. Still is. I see him every now and again. Can't help but think he liked having me spanked/whipped with a paddle.
But to be fair to my mother and second stepdad, I chose the second option.
I don't think my parents really enjoyed it at all, there were things I did now looking back as a parent myself and having gotten some experience, I know I wasn't always the easiest child and at times I made them feel like they had been poor parents to me and all where I should have realized that I was lucky to have the roof over my head and all that they provided me. Instead at times I'd tell them I hated them and all other mean things that I regret now going on 33 yrs old and hearing some of that in turn from my own children. What goes around does come around...
I was always getting in trouble for things I did not understand.I was really making an effort to "be good" so it was very confusing to me.I eventually became paranoid and believed my mom was "hiding" my things so she could yell at me when I couldnt find them.Now I realize that my losing things was part of my AS which neither she nor I understood.Puts alot of things in perspective for me.
I think alot of our "misunderstandings" were related to this.(My sensory issues,poor memory and inability to judge time).There were times when I felt that the punishment and her anger at me were "unfair".When I dropped a glass or spilled something it was blamed on my "day dreaming".I felt like the punishment was unfair because it wasnt something I did on purpose.
I dont think my parents enjoied this.I think it caused them alot of stress.They really wanted me to "function" at my best but were unaware of the "cause" of some of my actions.I am fairly high functioning and credit some of this to their "strictness" but also credit some of my "mental health issues" to it .It was a trade off of sorts.
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